I have found you
  Have found you outside
            Found you outside even
                        You outside even though
                                Outside even though cold
                                              Even though cold is
                                                       Though cold is abound
                                                          ­           Cold is abound yet
                                                             ­                  Is abound yet I
                                                               ­                   Abound yet I have
                                                            ­                                     Yet I have found
                                                           ­                                             I have found you

You changed your clothes
right there in front of me.
The dust no longer clinging to your skin
like little specks of angel dust
Smiles fading into harsh words and tears
whether there's an audience or not.
A love stained like the sleeves of my shirt,
mascara-streaked and frayed along the seams.
I still can't handle real life.
Those inbetween moments where you're in his bed.
Where you're writing love letters on Valentine's Day
even though you hate it.
Your broken boy is still in pieces at the bottom
of your toy chest. Voice warbled from dead batteries.

I pull myself
Out of
The
Inside
of the light.

I tore it down
All of it
Everything that resembled Mr. Brown

His clothes are in trash bags
The decor in pieces
Desecrated all of his flags

"Mr. Brown, don't ever show your face around,
or I'll put you in a coffin." I said
He looked confused as I pronounced Bob Marley lyrics in a way profound

" I do not blame you, but myself,
for the day you came in
I put my soul on a shelf"

"You are contorted and misconstrued
there is nothing but darkness
in the life around you"

He seethed with fury.
The kind I had when I was a child
He spoke shortly, yet with a dramatic flurry.

" You may send me away," he spat
I tried to contain my fear
"But you know as well as I do, I'll return and it won't be for a chat"

A sudden calm washed over me.
And I said with a devious smile
"Last time I let you. The next time I won't let be"

His coal black eyes perfectly matched his mouth; agape
as he stood stunned. A painting of disbelief.
I escorted him to the exit and sealed it with duct tape

*because duct tape fixes everything

I love you
No,
I loved you.
Parts of you were
everything
I could have asked for.
But,
I am not your punching bag.
I will not be hit.
I will not be screamed at
day
after
day.
I deserve to be loved
as much as I love
and you,
obviously,
cannot provide that.

I remember
When I use to sneak outside at night
Wrapped in a jacket
With and iPod and a chair
I'd sit on the deck for hours
Singing
Waiting
Singing
Shivering
Until I felt the tears come
And I would cry until I nearly suffocated
Surprised at how long I could hold my breath
I cried so hard
I bit the steel back of the chair
To keep myself from screaming
Until I felt my fears retreating
And I slid open the door
And went to bed
To cry no more