Dear you 
To whom this concerns

Well it's been awhile
I know I said I'd write and I didn't 
Please forgive me
I just lost track of time
And lost track of myself somewhere along the way 

I'm not even sure where I went
Or if I was there to stay
I'd like to tell you that I'm back
And better than ever before

But in truth I have no way of knowing
If these words are real
Or if the ink I'm spilling
On this scrap paper
Will even reach you where you lay

But I'm going to keep writing
Scribbling these letters 

Into words

Into sentences

Into paragraphs

Hoping against hope
That you have the ears and eyes
To decipher and translate this nonsense

I remember you saying
How much you loved my cursive
So I focus intently on each curl 
and each scripted swirl 

Painstakingly painting these words
From the dripping ink off of my pen 
so you can understand
That I don't just write these memories
Without honorable intentions 

I know we haven't always seen eye to eye
Or even agreed on the simple facts of life
But I know you were there for me
When I turned my back on all that came before me

I couldn't help myself
It felt like I was someone else
Living a different life while I sat back
Watched it afar from someplace else

But I could see you
Always beside me 
Forever standing ground 
Especially against those that stood to tear us down

And I never said thank you
Or acknowledged when you were around

Please forgive me
You have to know I didn't mean it
I didn't know any better 

But I'm gonna try to set things right
That's why I'm writing you this letter tonight

So please forgive me

I know they're only words
Scribbled in cursive on a scrap piece of paper
But they're all I really have to give 

So I hope it's enough to ease the pain
And if we ever meet again 
I hope I can tell you how sorry I am in person 

Instead of thru six feet of dirt and a closed casket
As I lay this apology and flowers on your grave.

This world we live in,
It's not supposed to
Be that way.

Hell is supposed to come after.

Instead, we suffer through
Hell every day of our lives.

Heartbreak, lost friends, abuse.
The list goes on and on.

The very thought that
There is worse to come
Scares me out of my mind.

Is there truly another hell
Or do the "bad" people
Simply get sent back to
Earth as their punishment,
Forced to suffer life again?

That seems to be enough
Punishment to discourage
Wrongdoings.

An eternity on earth
Forced to deal with evil
People and forces all over
Again.

I slit my wrist to erase the pain,
You look at me, and think I'm insane,
My eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
And still you try to protect me from my worst fears.

Look at my scars then you will see,
Why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
Yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
For I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.

So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far too hard,

Everything's gone wrong, it's not worth trying,
So leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying,
I don't want you to worry,
Because my life is ending in a hurry,

I'll be fine, and happy you see,
Death is what I wished for and soon it will be.

I feel pain everyday,
Seeing the scars on my wrist.
No one understands me,
My life is at risk.

Waiting everyday for the worst,
With a razor blade in my hand.
Getting ready to cut my wrist,
I can't wait until my life ends.
I see the cuts and scars on My wrist.
Wanting my life to end every night.

People don't understand depression,
Thinking only Mental people have it.
But no one knows how it feels,
The life I live is real.

Teachers and parents walk by,
Seeing the scars on my wrists.
Never knowing,
I'm waiting for the day I die.

Sometimes I cut myself just to feel the pain
Then I hide my scars
Because of all the shame
The pain is awful
I do it just to feel
Sometimes I have to make sure everything's still real

My life has been bad
I do it to forget
I cut my arms
Then I cry as I sit alone in my room
Hoping for someone
To save me from this
So I can finally say I've won

I want to quit this habit
But I still reach for the blade
I cry out in pain
My arm turns that familiar red shade
I get that adrenalin rush
The blood runs over my hand

I have to stop this ****
I need to become someone new

Everyday around quarter past three,
You burst into the bathroom searching for me,
I get hidden by your mother while you are away,
Hidden, unused for most of the day,
I feel your anger and sorrow as your hand grips me tight,
I'm the one & only thing that helps you sleep at night,
I live to put scars upon your wrist,
I leave my mark I'm proud of this,
I watch as the beautiful red blood pattern drips,
And runs off the ends of your fingertips,
What possesses humans to act like this,
To scream, cry & cut their wrists,
But for now my job is clear
The reason that I was brought here
To relieve the pain
To sit by the window and watch the rain,
Up until around quarter past three
When you burst into the bathroom searching for me..

Rain, rain, go away,
Because of you the pain will stay.
Slit my throat, cut out my heart,
Leave me here, tear it apart.

Poison tears stream down my face,
My heart beats at a steady pace
As I try to stand again;
Alone and standing in the rain.

I don’t need you anymore…
Is what I think while tears pour.
I hate you like I hate my life;
But love is what cuts like a knife.

Love is death and death is you;
Its pain stains like a black tattoo.
Those memories come back again
And bind me in the ropes of pain.

Crimson blood streams down my head
Like a long, silk ribbon, tied by a thread,
To a platinum bullet, a hole in my skull…

...Now just a memory that’s faded and dull.

I take my second big hit
The dark room becomes lit
It's starting to make me feel good
Just like it should
I'm confused and I don't care to worry
My memories are becoming blurry

By the time the joint comes back around
I can't get off the ground
Starting to loosen up, I'm starting to forget
My heart is beating so fast, I'm starting to sweat
Can't remember what pill I took
Didn't bother to look
As long as it takes everything away
And eases the pain for today
It's my turn again, I cough and choke
But I still take another ****
I'm so happy it's unreal
I can't explain how great I feel
So many ridiculous words are spoken

My heart no longer feels broken
Laughing so hard I begin to cry
I can hardly hold my head up high
He is no longer swaying from a tree
Now nothing can bother me
My pulse is really starting to race
But at least I can't see his face
I can try to quit
Or cut down a little bit
But this is all I can do to make him go away
Because he haunts my mind every second of the day

Pain is not an emotion I know
Yet it's all I know
I can't feel it
Nor can I heal it

I’ve experienced suffering
Yeah, sometimes it hurt
But I grew numb to the feeling

That's all in the past now
But the memories still last

This may be hard to believe
For a girl whose just sixteen
But when I think the memories have left me
They come back to haunt me

You may find it hard to believe
But sometimes late at night I cry
Until I feel dead inside

So don't think I don't know pain
Because pain is all I've known.