I'VE SMOKED MY FRIENDS DOWN TO THE FILTER.
DRAGGED MYSELF TO THE GUTTER.
WITH THE BUMS AND THE BROKEN,
THE WEARY AND DOWNTRODDEN.
THE DREGS OF MY CITY'S TEACUP.
AND AS NIGHT FALLS, THE VERMIN COME CRAWLING.
LIKE ROACHES IN A DARKENED KITCHEN.
OR AN OPEN GRAVE.
SO.
WITH SUNKEN EYES AND A HEAVY HEART,
I BURNED MY LAST BRIDGE TO THE PAST.
DISTANCE, ABSENCE, LOST.

HEY GAUGED EAR HAND TATTOOED
LOVER OF THE CYMBAL CRASH
I FINALLY HEARD JAWBREAKERS'
ORIGINAL VERSION OF "DO YOU STILL HATE ME?"
I LIKE SET YOUR GOALS' VERSION MORE
BUT IT'S GOOD TO KNOW WHERE IT COMES FROM
WHERE ALL THINGS COME FROM
I GOT MY TONGUE STABBED AND A TRAIN TUNNEL ETCHED
INTO THE DITCH OF MY ARM THAT DAY, IT ALL FELT SO GOOD
I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE IT CAME FROM
BUT ITS MY TRACK AND NOT YOURS
I LIKE IT MORE
BUT IT'S GOOD TO KNOW

SPECKLES ATOP HIS HAND HE TELLS ME,
!I CAN'T HIT MY ARMS ANYMORE.
I CAN'T EITHER
PATRON SAINT OF DRUG TRAFFICKERS
OUR DRIVE INTO THE CITY
STOMACH ROT AND SWEAT BEADS
THE DRIVE HOME SPEED ***** AND
DREAMS
YOU'RE NOT TRYING TODAY BROTHER
AND TOMORROW IS OUR DEBT TO PAY
DO WE NOT STAND WHERE GREAT MEN STOOD
AND DISSOLVE IN THE BURNING LIGHT

HOW GLORIOUS IS IT THAT
WE WITH OUR MERE ANCHORS FOR BODIES
CAN EXPERIENCE SHORT BATTLES OF TIME THAT LIFT US FROM WHERE WE ARE
TURN ON THE LIGHTS.
YOU KNOW, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING
AND THEIR EYES LIGHT UP AND
YOU JUST DEEPLY WANT TO PAINT WITH THE COLOR OF THEIR VOICE.
BECAUSE YOU COULD ALWAYS DIG THAT PAINTING OUT OF THE ATTIC
AND STARE INTO THE COLORAND REMEMBER,
EVEN FOR A SECOND,
YOU CAN CLIMB ONCE AGAIN TO THE PEAK OF THAT MOMENT AND REST UPON IT.
YOU CAN SIT AT THE TOP AND SEE FOR MILES,
THE FEELINGS, THE SMELLS, THE BEFORES AND AFTERS OF RIGHT THEN

I STARE IN THE MIRROR
EVERY DAY AND LOOK AT
WHAT I COULD'VE BECOME.
I STARE AT WHAT PEOPLE CALL SCARS
BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO BELIEVE
THAT I'M JUST UGLY.
I'VE CAUGHT SOBS AND SCREAMS
IN A TRAP IN MY THROAT
THAT EVERYONE MISTAKES FOR A NAME.
LOVER AFTER LOVER AFTER LOVER
RUNS A HAND WHERE MY HEART NEVER WAS
AND ASKS, "WHO WAS SHE?"

THE DAY THEY BURIED MY GRANDFATHER I
SKIPPED TWO TOWNS OVER FOR YOUTO FILL ME LIKE THE SOIL THAT
FILLED HIS GRAVE
YOU TOLD ME TO PRETEND THAT MY LIP
SWERE THE TRAIN
FOR THE TRACKS ON YOUR ARM
I COULDN'T BEAR TO TELL YOU THEN
THAT I DIDN'T MEAN WHEN I SAID
I WANTED YOU LOOMING OVER ME ALWAYS
LIKE SOME SAD AND FRAGILE GOD

SITTING IN YOUR CAR WAS THE ONLY THING I KNEW HOW
TO DO DRUNK AT 2AM
YOU KNEW SO MANY GIRLS FROM
CALIFORNIA FROM RUSSIA FROM BRAZIL BUT NONE OF THEM
WERE ME
YOU SAID THIS AS IF IT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FLATTERING
I WOULD FLAY THE SKIN FROM MY RIBS FOR ANOTHER DRINKI SMILE THROUGH GRITTING TEETH
THIS IS NOT WHERE I PICTURED MYSELF
AS A WIDE EYED FRESH DAISIED GIRL
WHO DRINKS FROM HER GRANDFATHERS FLASK
WHEN SHE THINKS NO ONE IS LOOKING
YOUR ONLY MISTAKE WAS DRIVING TOO FAR UNTIL
THE ONLY LIGHTS I COULD SEE WERE THE ONES BEHIND MY EYESWHEN YOU STRUCK ME SINGING
DARLING, LET'S GIVE LOVE A TRY
THIS WAS NEVER MEANT FOR YOUYOU THINK THAT LOVE LIES BETWEEN THE LEGS OF A GIRL
TOO DAMAGED TO KNOW NOT TO RIDE IN CARS
WITH BOYS WHO LOOK LIKE HER FATHER
I'D HAVE KISSED YOUR KNUCKLES WHEN YOU
MADE THAT FIST
IF I COULD FIND ANY COMPASSION LEFT IN ME