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rusty shacks Feb 2015
She
moves like ash through the air
                                                off a balcony
                                                            Me
                                                             of course I’m coarse like gloves  
                                                for falconry
                                                        ­    My
                                                             stomach is the water of the
                                                Balkan Sea
                                                            Her
                                                             cadence is the snow in Fuji
                                                mountain’s spring
                                                          ­  She’s
                                                             a tree I would down just
                                                to count the rings
                                                            When­
                                                             she moves her mouth in any
                                                amount it sings


                                                            Sh­e’s
                                                            When­.
                                                            she’­s
                                                            when­,
                                                          silent­ sirens sing
                                                  on violent violet islets
                                                            and seems
                                                    all the world’s a dream
                                                             I
                                                             am
                                                               the
                                                   breeze the sea sends
                                                           ­   and seas uneven
                                                          ­  sinks ships
                                                           ­     clips wings
                                                                ­ indecent
                                                        ­        is ants
                                                                ­ in the lips
                                                          of her honey drip
                                                                ­       ings
                                                                ­        swings
                                                  ­                      whips
                                     ­                                    glist
                                                                ­           ning
                                                                ­          eclips
                                                ­                           ed  
                                                            ­           miss thing
                                                                ­      get with
                                                            ­            hitch
                                                                ­          ings?
                                                                ­         drip
                                                                ­    queen of kings
                                                           ­               miss  
                                           ­                                myth
                                                            ­             I’m miss
                                                            ­                  ing
                                           ­                           can we just slip
                                                                ­                 into
                                                                ­                  exist
                                                                ­                   ing
                                                             ­             got you in my grip
                                                                ­                 my grip
                                                                ­                     is
                                                                ­                   tight
                                                           ­                          ning
rusty shacks Dec 2014
Today was my 21st birthday.
Truth.
Daily cycle.
This is pretty much my life.
Robin Williams commits suicide and the media blows up
Today is National Suicidal Prevention Day and no one knows about it.
Every day of my life
tired
Optimism feels like a delusion
Don't be too ******* yourself today...
What depression isnt
I think this every day I wake up and every night I go to sleep
If we treated all illnesses the way we treat mental illness
Walking home after a bad week and saw this written on an overpass that
I used to regularly contemplate jumping over:
"I like your shirt."
Even though I felt like killing myself I went to this art therapy class
and made something
I have it hanging in my room and whenever I feel down, I just look at it
The best revenge of all...live
I need help but I don't know what kind
I tried to ask my family for help and their answer was God

I went and returned my supplies today.
I'm leaving you guys.
I love you guys.
I may get no awards. I may not get recognized.
But hey, I'm the happiest person you know.
rusty shacks Mar 2014
Through dreary windshield and tired eyes
I let you in to my path, paved and distraught
Only to find you now ahead of me, just as expected
It would seem that no good deed goes unpunished
But is this unfair
Or just the natural order of the world?
rusty shacks Mar 2014
it's feels great to inhale.
breathing and smoking, forgetting stories and suppressing ideas.
or just breathing.
and exhaling. remembering.
and making a faint noise, like the last humming vowel of the last word written on the back of your school photo that you gave me saying "para el amor de mi vida, para que me recuerdes. siempre"
and it does feel good letting you hold onto the tip of my tongue.
you can stay there as long as you like.
rusty shacks Feb 2014
I did not meet Death at his door,
But greeted Him in a dream.
I was told He was disappointed,
As He so longed to see me.
I failed at something simple:
To fall asleep forever;
But then I woke up next to you
And you didn't.
rusty shacks Feb 2014
i could tie a noose
with the apologies i'd write
to everybody that i love.
maybe i could tie bandages
with apologies around every scar
i've left on someone else.
so many "sorry i left you's,"
and "sorry i'll leave you's,"
"sorry i started this"
"sorry i ended this"
"sorry i can't"
"sorry i"

so many sorrows
it's like i could tie a noose
rusty shacks Feb 2014
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU LOST YOUR WAY?
WHEN REAL LIFE STEALS THE HIGH YOU LONG TO CHASE
YOU CAN'T CATCH HIM, ELUSIVE DRAGON THAT USED TO INTOXICATE
BACK WHEN YOU WERE PASSIONATE, BEFORE YOU WERE TRAPPED IN THAT AWKWARD SPACE
BETWEEN FOLLOWING SILLY DREAMS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
TOXIC NAUSEA'S FILLING ME AS THAT BLADE THAT DROPS UNFORGIVINGLY
IT'S AN IMPOSSIBILITY TO REGAIN THE STRENGTH OF THOSE DAYS FILLED WITH ANGST
WITH THE FLAMES THAT BLAZED INSIDE OF MY EYES TAMED
I CRAVE FOR THE TASTE OF THOSE HEIGHTS THAT I BRAVED
FOR THESE WORDS TO TAKE LIFT AND FLIGHT FROM THE PAGE
WITH SIGHT BEYOND SIGHT BEFORE MY SKIES FADE
BUT WITH WINGS MADE OF WAX THAT COLLAPSE IN THE LIGHT OF DAY
I'D HAVE TO FLY IN THE NIGHT GUIDED BY BLIND FAITH
AND FAITH IS LIKE A MAGIC TRICK THAT I CAN NO LONGER CONJURE
SO I JUST WANDER, CONQUERED, WORK TIL MY HANDS AND PALMS HURT
AND PONDER THE MONSTER THAT FOLLOWS ME, A STALKER
THAT SAUNTERS BEHIND ME REMINDING ME HOW I FALTERED
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