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Corine Renee Jun 2010
Do me a favor:
Break me down.
Make me cry,
Watch me drown.

Hold me under,
Make me bleed.
Watch me suffer,
Make me scream.

There is no hope
For someone like me.
So go ahead:
Crush my dreams.

Crush my hope,
My aspirations.
There is no chance
For motivation.

Just end it all
And cause me pain.
Send this bullet
Through my brain.
Corine Renee Jun 2010
Come one, come all!
Let’s play a game.
The prize:
Her heart.
The challenge:
That wall.
You must break it down.
It’ll take strength
And wit.
It’ll take love
And kindness.
It’ll take honesty
And respect.
It’ll take hope
And hard work
And a little bit of reality.
But don’t be discouraged!
The prize is well worth
Any struggle
You may endure.
The girl, you see,
Is brilliant
And beautiful
And everything you could want.
But she’s behind that wall
And she built it strong
And sturdy.
It’ll take all you’ve got
To get to her.
But once you get to her
She’s all yours.
So come one, come all!
Take part in this game!
Break that barrier
And take your prize!
Show her the world
And teach her this fact:
That wall of hers,
It’s locking her in.
She’s missing out
On the beauty around.
Come one, come all!
Beat this game!
Help this poor girl
And give her everything
You have to offer.
Show her she’s not
The Freak Show
That she perceives.
Make her realize
She’s well worth the fight.
Come one, come all!
Let’s end this game.
Corine Renee Jun 2010
We fought
And battled
And held on so tightly.
We defied the odds
And proved them wrong;
Until you started slipping.
Your hands descended my arms
And mine ascended yours.
You held on so long
That your hands grew tired
From the burden of the weight.
You let go,
But I held on.
And there we were:
Dangling.
Your hands released,
But mine still clutched.
And before you fell
You latched back on
And we hung for a while more.
But again you started to slip
With little distance to travel
Before you let go once more.
I stared down at you
And loosened my grip.
You were tired.
And you didn’t want to fight for this.
Not anymore.
So I let go too.
And you fell,
And landed right on your feet,
And remained happy.
Now I’m just here:
Existing.
Slipping back into the depression
You once saved me from.
And I will remain here
Because I am unwanted
Unloved
And uncared for.
I am ugly
And stupid
And depressed.
If you aren’t willing to fight
And work
To be in a relationship
With me
Then no one will.
And alone
I will remain.
Corine Renee Jun 2010
When I look into the Mirror,
What is it that I See?
The most judgmental eyes I Know,
Glaring harshly back at Me.

It's a gaze that is so Hateful,
I find I must look Away.
And looking back I Notice
A feeling my eyes Convey.

Amidst this deep brown Stare,
Lurks something I want Gone.
It's been locked away for Years,
But my memories it will always Haunt.

It preys upon my Mind,
And torments my very Soul.
It devoured my very Heart,
And made a home out of the Hole.

And there it forever Lies,
Deep within my Chest.
And because of this dark Creature,
My mind will never Rest.

It feeds upon the good Times,
And makes them Disappear.
I'm so sick of this **** Monster,
That psychology labels as Fear.

Fear is the demon that I Hide;
That I keep from public View.
But when I'm left Alone,
My body is what Fear Consumes.

Fear makes it hard to Trust,
And even harder to Care.
It leaves me constantly Thinking,
That they'll never really be There.

It programs into my Mind,
That optimism is just a Waste.
Pessimism is what Fear Births,
Creating a dark and desolate Place.

Once you've seen this Beast,
That keeps me so Afraid,
My mask will be Removed;
You'll see the end of my Charade.

This fear is crippling Me,
From moving on in Time.
But perhaps it is a Hero,
That saved my broken Mind.

But one day I'll finally Escape,
This life that Fear Bestowed.
And maybe I'll know what it's Like,
To enjoy this tragic Show.
Corine Renee Jun 2010
I haven't eaten
In days
Nor have I slept
In nights.
I no longer know
The day
The month
The time.
The past week has been a blur
Of endless days
And sleepless nights
And countless thoughts
And oceans of tears.
For the rest of my life
I will be a slave
To emotions
Of every kind.
The anger
The sadness
The hurt
The confusion
The utter loss of words
Are all I'll have left
Of you.
Because you gave up,
You stopped fighting,
And you left me.
And you're never coming back.
You can't.
Our paths will never cross
Again.
Not until the day
They lay me in the ground
Next to you
Underneath
Your favorite tree
Where our initials are carved
With a circle around them
Because circles weren't supposed
To end.
Corine Renee Jun 2010
Emptied bottles
And a bloodied floor
Are all that you left
With me.
No note
Nor explanation
For your sudden
Dissatisfaction
With life.
Just my unending thoughts
On the undesirable matter.
Thoughts that could be
Right
Or wrong.
Thoughts that don't mean
A **** thing to you
Or anyone.
They never did.
My words
That I tried so hard to tell you
And get through to you
Never once reached you.
And all of my attempts
Were such a waste
Of what little time
I now have
Because none of them
Mattered
To you
Or anyone
Just like these thoughts.
Because if they had mattered
At all to you
[Even the tiniest bit]
You'd still be here
And the floor would be
Clean
And the bottles
Put away
And the length of my life
Not sliced in half
Like it is now.
Because it's wholeness
Was taken
By you
When you hacked away
At your wrists and arms
And swallowed
Every pill
My lifespan
Faded
And was cut too.
Corine Renee Jun 2010
You tried.
Really hard, you did.
And I'm sorry to say
It wasn't enough.
Your attempts
Failed.
Your words
Didn't reach me.
Your tears
Didn't affect me.
Your silence
Didn't break me.
It should have.
All of it should have.
And it almost did.
But it didn't.
That sickening hold
You once had
Is gone now.
You lost your grasp on me.
And I have to say
I'm happy now.
Happier
Than I ever have been.
I can smile now.
One of those stupid
Ear-to-ear,
Bear-all smiles.
And it's real.
Imagine that?
I am sad, however
That this happiness
Isn't because of you.
I wanted it to be.
But it's not.
I've found a way
To live with that.
Now you have to.
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