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 Jan 2014 contrasenses
Powers
I fall in love when I am lonely
4. I won't be able to look in the mirror and be happy
5. I can not fall in love after ***.
6. My need for affection is insatiable.
7. I somehow convinced myself I will be the Anastasia to one of these Mr.Greys
8. I feel that two is the loneliest number
9. As long as you touch me I will love you
10. I wont be able to look in the mirror and be happy
11. I know I said that twice
1. I do not know how to love people properly.
2. This includes myself.
 Jan 2014 contrasenses
Powers
People always ask me why I never attend school
I want to tell them "I'm too emotionally vacant to care"
"I know I'm not destined for great things" I'd announce
"I'll be dead before I'm 20,
I have no kids to look forward to
and no desire to marry"
So why should I spend 13 years of my life cooped up
Learning the value of x
when I cant even find value in waking up in the morning.
 Jan 2014 contrasenses
Powers
Dont you DARE have the audacity to say you were good to me
when I can recall nothing but a nightmare.
 Jan 2014 contrasenses
Powers
I am Ink
sweet blood of the
pen.
I **** the flesh of parchment with savvy strokes of timeless musings.
The poet is nothing without my inspiration to spur him forward forcing thought from mind into
visual conceptions of reality.
The written word is law and
I am law
We are one.
The ink ,not the pen, is mightier than the sword.
What is the pen without me?
The ink.
A wasted corpse
space used on a desk
worthless
to be without ink.
I alone am the soul of literature.
I alone raise words from the dead  minds of deceased philosophers.
My word has capsized continents
waged unwinnable wars
I do not discriminate
I have killed men women children.
I have breathed life into centuries.
I am eternity
I am ink.
 Jan 2014 contrasenses
Sia Jane
I think perhaps as a writer, we seek the adventure, the unknown, the destructive, not only to know we are alive but to know what it is to live. We live fast, we love without restraint, with impulsive desire. Are we the tortured, the wounded, the broken, abused. We have lived a thousand lives, loved a million times. We dream, we idealise, we fall in love unintentionally, we make mistakes, we endure deep suffering and we fall to the hands of lust within a heartbeat. We choose to show our *******, our *****, our hearts or our souls. We refuse to sell our mind, to which we must always remain held to. Our body is a vessel, one of productivity made victim to abuse. It's such neglect, despair, that leaves us enveloped in patterns of trauma and deeply embedded psyache. Once touched, our bodies remember as an elephants mind always will. We are tainted, scarred, stained by another's love, lust, cheating, lying, crying, kissing, losing, dreaming. We are the risk takers, the ones who dare step into the unknown and often don't adhere to rules and regulations of societal ideals. We crave love. We crave endless excitement. We crave the adrenalin rush of a new lover. We don't settle. Wanderlust writes us. Each journey shapes us, choosing a new direction, experimenting with style, fiction, autobiographical tones. Landscapes colour our pages, pollute the rooms with a myriad of paints, smoking out those who don't endure, slaves to the written word, a pledge to keep reading pages of paper, dusty from step ladder high book shelves. Finding joy in limited first editions, autographed and locked behind glass doors.  Fairy tales whispered by Hans Christian Andersen - The Snow Queen in a pop up book laced with glitter and scintillation. Falling into stories, Alice's rabbit hole, lost to liquor saying drink me. The young ingénue, naïve and shy, her first role acting, embodying the spoken word through the masters written script.

© Sia Jane
I didn't use "I" in this piece, I was merely thinking out loud, a stream of consciousness maybe.
Do not stand at my grave and weep..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry..
I am not there. I did not die.
When the seas rise forth
To storm and claim the land.
The denizens of oceans
Will falter for a moment
For they do not understand.
But we that walk on land
Shall see our world undone,
As to the power of the waters
Our cities shall succumb.
I want to sit in a room
And watch the days turn to night

I want to watch the shadows dance in circles
Around the room
Time and time again

I want never to have to get up
To use the bathroom, eat, or shower

I want to give in to the endless chains
Of hopelessness

I want to just sit there
And not have to answer

Just sit there
And feel
The Gold light, the deep dark, and the twilight

I want to sit there
And watch the world pass
As I crumble with each tick of the clock

While I sit there I do not want
Neither your pity nor your condolences for
My wasted life

I want you to take my energy
Like you did time and time before

But…

I want you to take it
And use it to fix
The things in your life that are broken

Use it to make you happy

Because I…

Because happiness refused me
Because it was a tease a time ago

Or

Because I did not love it back like I should have

Because misery seduced me
And then chained me up in its basement

I want to sit there
Because
I could not answer the…
The most complicated question
Are you ok?

Without tearing myself
From the inside

Tahnee Calderon
the first time you told me you were in love with me,
it was in a letter                                                           ­       (you
and you didn't dare even write the word.                        never were brave                                                                  ­                           enough
                                    ­                                                        to love me
                                                              ­                              openly.)
the first time you told me you were in love with me,
it was when you were leaving me for him.                      (i wasn't worth
                                                           ­                                  the price;
                                                          ­                                   you did a
                                                                ­                             cost-benefit analysis
you never left me, really.                                                   and cut your losses.)
he left and we returned to what we were before
him, as if we'd pressed pause                                                  
if i closed my eyes i could almost believe
                                                            it would be okay
                                                            we were still glowing-gold
                                                                ­                             and perfect.
but instead of the synchronicity,
some unnameable tension, the jarring sensation
that something in us was out of alignment.                     (i asked you to                                                                  ­                            wait:
                                                         ­                                    give me time,
                                                                ­                             some days more to                                                                  ­                            play pretend.)
the first time you told me you weren't in love with me
was just after you told me you would have married me
                                                           would have run away with me
                                                              ­                               (as if i weren't the
                                                                ­                             teenager, here. as if                                                                  ­                            it were my fault
                                                           ­                                  for not being selfish
the heartbreak, the loss of ignorance                                and asking you to.)
was what brought us back in sync. you wrote once
about the end, the devastation that the city of us
was victim to.                                                              ­        (we're finding                                                                  ­                            that the damage is
                                                              ­                               less like an explosion
                                                       ­                                      and more like an
                                                              ­                               earthquake:                                                                  ­                            broken glass,                                                                  ­                            aftershocks, and
the first time i told you i wasn't in love with you             cracks in the
anymore,                                                        ­                     foundation)

i didn't know why, hadn't noticed the cracks in the pavement;
                                                       ­    i had only just started to see
                                                             ­                                the shards of glass.

you kissed me ten days ago, and said you didn't know why
it didn't feel wrong, why it didn't feel like cheating.
it's starting over again, i told you. the glass is being swept up,
our pieces falling back into place.                                    (it's the natural                                                                  ­                           order for us;
                                                             ­                               this, darling, our                                                                  ­                           effortless cohesion,                                                                  ­                           will always
                                                                ­                            rebuild the city.)
(spacing is screwy since the site resized.)
"Grow up!"  they said.
Time picked up an unwilling passenger,
And headed me down a path,
With no trace of childish fantasies.
My destiny, corrected.
Had I had my way.

Looking all around,
The roped path, present from the start,
Merged with the jungle unnoticed.
Alone and unguarded,
Dark fears come to mind.
My asylum, restored.
Had I had my way.

As time ticks on,
The slow creak of chain tightening join in.
Movement growing ever less.
My presence in ******* unwavering,
Would prove a fated hardship.
My freedom, a constant.
Had I had my way.

The wonders, the sights,
The clowns in the fair.
All morph into gross parodies,
Ridiculous and undignified,
Grown men in suits.
My ignorance, permanent.
Had I had my way.

Raindrops from heaven,
Once a signal for a game.
To sing; drenched and oblivious.
Now best left for the movies,
Where reality has less say.
My actions; unjudged.
Had I had my way.

"Grow up!" they said.
Change is a thief in disguise,
The Path of Fate treacherous.
My maturity; inevitable.
Time had had its way.
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