it's over.
six months gone
and i'm still breathing.
i never thought
i would make it
to see this day.

my mother calls it
pessimism,
my father calls it depression.

i don't actually know
but the end seems inevitable
and all happiness
seems to fade
the moment it reaches my bones.

and i'm afraid.
it's over

1) Take our your headphones and listen.
you might not be as alone as you think.

2) When making decisions you don't want to regret, imagine yourself 6o years in the future, looking back, not a hormonal teenager. that way, you'd make choices good choices you'd remember.

3) Share the love with everyone.
kiss your parents, hug your siblings, tell the people you love that you love them. whether you are 10 or 54, it's never too late to show some affection. appreciate them before they are gone.

4) Your health is more important than your grades.
if you have a big exam coming out and your eyes are closing, your mind barely functioning, your soul exhausted beyond control, walk to your fridge. eat a few scoops of ice cream and go to sleep. there's nothing more you need than a good night rest. after all, all that actually matters at the end of the day is your mental health. if you can take care of yourself, you can survive in this world with whatever grade you get.

5) Remember happy moments.
take a jar, or a notebook or maybe just an app and write down a good thing that happens to you each day. each day may not be a good day but there is good in every day. when you're ever feeling down, just read them and they would lighten your life up.

6) Stop worrying.
whatever is going to happen is meant to happen and you'd be able to get through it. you have tried your best.

7) Don't stop believing.
even if you don't believe in Something with a capital 'S', just pray, or even talk out loud. it's nice to feel like someone is listening to you, to feel wanted, to feel appreciated, to feel like someone is looking out for you. to not feel alone.

8) Don't be afraid to put your heart out there.  
chances are, your first love won't love you as much as you love them, but it's okay. because you'd always find someone or something you love more than them (like how I found my love for poetry in my first heartbreak)

9) Live your life adequately.
to live your life to the fullest does not mean to literally spend everyday partying and drinking but to be able to look back at each day and realise that you have no regrets because you have made those choices and you are who you are. the choices are you. the sooner you make peace with your choices, the sooner you enjoy your life.

10) Be selfless.
you don't need the last slice of pizza. someone else might.

11) It's okay to be sad.
you are not expected to be happy all the time, you are human after all and you need a break too.

12) Sometimes you've got to forgive people if you want them in your life.
not everything is about your ego, say sorry if you did something wrong. don't keep the hatred too long.

13) Sleep early, wake up early.
the night doesn't have much to offer but the morning is filled with magic. go out and have a look.

14) People just need someone to listen to them.
sometimes, you don't need to keep talking, it gets you nowhere. listen to the people talk and you'd realize you'd get somewhere, learn something.

15) It's okay to make mistakes.
i know it's cliche, but it's okay to be wrong. sometimes making mistakes just proves we have lived it before.

I dragged my grandfather's razor
against my sallow skin
and expected to find pain
or blood but ended with none.

It is easy to feel a little broken
in this terrifyingly disastrous
little world only to realize
that we're nothing more but
living inside a pale blue dot.

If the distance from my heart
to yours, can be compared
to the distance of the moon
then in comparison,
I must be very small
when looked upon the universe.

So what is a little pain
going to harm
this poor little girl?

is there some sort of fear
that consumes you,
knowing that you are
going to die?