I wanted to write a poem
about the way you looked at me
but I didn't have any words
and I realised, with you,
there are never any words.

It is raining outside
and like the thunder
I had so much inside
it needed to go somewhere.

I wanted to smile at you
but my lips decided to freeze,
you were the ice age
that no one ever saw coming.

Nice boys do not appear
in your classes and catch your attention
but bad boys do
and i'm not saying you were bad

but you kinda ruined my life.
kinda.

I swear he's not that difficult
but he complains that
I never make things for him

that I stopped caring
that I stopped loving

in the form of
cards
birthday breakfasts
good mornings

but when I gave him
a present for Christmas
the first word he said was

'throw it away'

I never got a thank you
or even a hug.

When I was younger
I use to be afraid
of the demons
in the year above us.

They walked the halls
like it belong to them.

They entered a room
like they owned it.

I thought that when
I grew up
I would posses the
very same power  

but

it was never much the same.

A year later
and I'm still
looking down at floors,
avoiding all eye contact.

When I enter a room,
no one realises I'm there

when I walk the halls,
I hardly make a sound

and that's when it hit me

confidence doesn't increase
as you grow older.

The little girl in my journalism
had more confidence to talk to me
and I would ever have
to start a conversation.

You either have it
or you don't.

Confidence is shaped
by your personality,
not your age.