Drift
Away
From
The relentless noise
Of the mind
And enter
Another world

A space
Of latency
A realm
Of potential

All comes through the body
All that we are
All that we do
Is carried in our flesh

Look at your fingers
Look at your knuckles
And wonder
What things
Have you done
With your hands
What things will you do?

Latency
Unborn
Yet to arrive
But certain to
In time
Pervades existence

Dig deep
Into your soul
And allow
Your dreams
To materialise

Give flight to your greatest desires
Give them space, air, room
And then
Imagine
Your dreams
Transforming into reality

Allow yourself
To become the protagonist
Of your desires

And live
With renewed
Hope

I

Have made

Myself

Become

What

I am

Through
Time

A single bird
Flies
From one pole of our planet
To the other

In one year

An new hatched cuckoo
Will push
One egg
After another
Out of
Its borrowed nest

Until it
Is the sole surviving infant

Fostered
By birds

Of another feather

Survival
Is older
Than all collected memories

Achieved
A multitude of ways

History
Is
But a second
When measured
Against
The age old battle
For life

We walk
A tightrope

Each body
Bears its scars

And years tick by
So...

Softly

I cling to fantasies
Whilst travelling
One step

Then

One more

The promise
Of one original thought
Beckons me
On this most mysterious day

This day
When nothing seems to fit
And I seem to misfit
The machinery of society

Have I entered
A world of ghosts?
Am I surrounded by
The damp and clinging mists of time?

Or do I find myself
Lost in the mists
Of my own mind?

I search
For one original thought
On this most mysterious day

And I find myself
In a lost place

Only sleep stands sentinel
By my side
Waiting
To possess me
Completely

A funeral procession
Of wasted dreams
Passes through my cortex

Somewhere in the world
Ships are sinking

Dark oblivion
Creeps forward
To take me away

Until
I
Once again
May return
To light

How to belong
Amongst other peoples
Happiness?

How to listen
To outpourings of love
And sit comfortably
Oneself

How to restrain
Confusing tears
In times
Of celebration?

How to
Find one’s own space
In the midst of others spaces?

How to find comfort
Alone with oneself

On this day
May 3rd 2016
I will stand stronger than ever

I will not capitulate
To obstacles that are placed in front of me

I will no longer endure
Insidious patterns of abuse
That I have accepted in my life

Instead I will listen
To the inner voice of justice
The voice that champions
The human rights of all people

I will not accept the petty taunts
And stealthy disregard of peoples
No matter what or where their background

I will be a person who is part
Of a movement of change

I will not be afraid of fear
I will hold it close
Recognising that within fear
Lies the possibility of change

I will bring
Repressed feelings to light
And oxygenate the infections
That are buried deep.

I will not fear
The shouting voices of blame

I will be the person
I was meant to be

From this day
I accept responsibility
And will take
One courageous step
After another

I will not be afraid of heights
Any more

The mysteries of the universe
Are greater than I can fathom
How grateful I am for this

Life is better unpredictable

So do not worry if I seem deranged
I am but a bird on the breeze of time
And I call your name fiercely
To unleash the light from within my being

All I see is beauty
And the need to create a better life

Perhaps this earth is crumbling
And trusted friends are in short supply

But I dream always of the future
To know and understand human greatness

To hear the sounds of peace
And to bring comfort to my eternal soul

I couldn’t write
For days
As I felt…
Nothing

And the Nothing
That I felt
Was strong
And grew stronger
Each passing day

Until
I sat
And had to write
Again

The urge
To feel something
Surpassing
The emptiness
Of feeling
Nothing

I prayed for an hour this morning
I thought about myself
I thought about other people
I thought about how
I keep myself apart

It’s a painful mistake
That leads me to darkness

I want to connect
But we are taught and told
To protect and reject
Things we should fear
People we should not let near

In love we experience closeness
And then separation
We are loved
And then lost

Moments of unity
In our physicality
All too fleeting
And we return to ourselves

We have to grow up
But I find I grow apart
I want to re-connect
Step by step
One conversation at a time
And grow differently

The pain of others suffering
Is sometimes too much to bear
I go numb
At the size and scale of it

So I close my door
And hope it will never happen to me
But without feeling their suffering
I can't do anything to help it
And I detest my numbness
Which becomes my suffering

I prayed for an hour this morning
And I will pray again this afternoon

I saw a friend in the park
He is going to let me visit him this afternoon
Even though I invited myself

All the things
I thought of myself
Not true
Not true

I'm stronger
Braver
Wiser
Kinder
Than I thought I was
Than I thought I was

All the things
I thought about you
Not true
Not true

You're stronger
Braver
Wiser
Kinder
Than I thought you were
Than I thought you were

You are my blanket
And I am yours
You wrap me up warmly against life
I wrap you up tightly against fear
I hold you safe
You hold me dear
I hold you close
You hold me near

The truth is so different
Than we think it should be
If we want it to be
If we want it to be

It is the last day of 2020
A time to say goodbye
To a year of troubles

We have learned
Who we are collectively
And what we must do
For the sake of our children
For the sake of each other
And for the sake of the planet

For what we have lost
We grieve
And for what we have learned
We are grateful

There is no true happiness
For human beings
Other than the great act
Of human compassion

Nothing fires the soul
Illuminates the darkness
More brilliantly

There is no better way
To feel alive
Than to support the lives
Of others

How will l find
Loosing my mind

Soft cat
Your crescent body
Sleeping sunken on the sofa
Your nose buried in your tail
Your eyes shielded by your paw
What are you dreaming of?

Soft cat
Do you dream
Of being stroked?
Or are you chasing butterflies?
Do you imagine
Cream and milk?
Or are you off hunting
Or perhaps climbing trees?

I know you will rise
When I do
And we will start our day together

But for now
Soft cat
Dozing
In peace
I wish you
Sweet dreams

I think
You have me in your grip
I feel
Your strangle hold
I watch
You keep me prisoner
I know
You make me old

I pray
I can escape from here
I want
To flee from hell
I wish
You would release me
I'm drowning
'Neath your spell

You know
The tricks to trap me
You’re expert
At deceit
You dominate
With anger
And force
Me to retreat

I’m stunned
With fear as you rage on
Immobile and denuded
Incapable of rational thought
Deprived and then excluded

One day
I will be your refugee
I will be your migrant child
I will be the one
Knocking on your door

No warm croissants
No safe train rides to work
No comfy sofas
No birthday cards and presents

One day I will be your refugee
A homeless traveller
Seeking asylum
Longing for safety
Searching for humanity

One day
One day

One day
You will be my refugee
And you will come to me for help

You will reach out your hand for money
For something to eat
For a roof over your head
You will ask me for a shelter
For your family

And my door will be open to you
I promise

So are you in?
Or are you out?

What lifetime are you in
In this lifetime?

Are you one of the lucky ones?
One of the us’s?
Or one of the them’s?

One day
We will all have our part to play

In need
Or helper

How we play
Is our legacy

There is part of me
That cannot figure things out
I know it is there
But I cannot get to know it
It is my node of confusion
My spinning top
Ever whirring
Beaten by external forces

A part of me
That is lost for ever
Numbed, isolated, defeated and shipwrecked
An injured butterfly
Frail, uncertain

I wish I could understand
My deep uncertainty
My sinking groaning silent place

When it takes hold
I miss my mother
I miss my hope
I miss my self

The surface
Like a skin
Remains
Unbroken

Beneath
Limbs are thrusting
Powerfully
Lungs are straining
Burning
Bursting
With effort

Above
Eyes are watching
Waiting
As sunlight ripples
Innocently
Across patterns
Of liquid fabric

Two separate worlds
Joined
Without seems
Lie side by side
A shift in one
Swallowed
By the other

Nervous
Minutes pass
As weight
Pushes down
Pressing
Air into water
Longer
Longer
Until

Life
Breaks through
Every fibre
Stretched
Expressing
The miracle of transcendence
The ability
Of existence
In two worlds

Moon
Five times have you greeted me
On this day

Though all around me changes
You remain constant

First
Set amongst the black of pre dawn
You illuminate my street
Crisp, round, dominant
The streetlamps weakly copy your splendour
With their modern white lights

Second
I Ieave my house
The skies have awakened
No longer the black
Now a pale blue
Mixed with oranges and mauve

You, moon begin a slow surrender
To this new backdrop
As if pastilles had sketched you
And you seem resigned
To melt into the day

Third
Higher you stand
And the palette pure blue
And there you are still
Present yet receding
More distant
Standing softly in the morning sky
As if to say

'Farewell my night
I will remain here forever
Watching the world
Hidden and waiting
For your return'

Fourth
You dissolve your perfect roundness
Miracle ball of rock
And disappear from view

Always there
Pulling my imagination
As you become
Nothing but a wisp among the clouds
Swallowed like death
By the day

I work
I do what I can
I return home
Exhausted

Fifth

Evening

You stand watching me
In the fresh darkness
Brighter than ever
Half way through your daily revolution

And the stars are with you now
Just as they always are
And I am another half revolution

Closer to
The end

Skies of grey loom overhead
The shard peers down at heavy clouds
Concrete upon concrete
Oppresses narrow strips of grass
And bluebells grow defiantly
Among heaps of *******

This racing collision of buildings
This place of invention and reinvention
This factory of services
This web of moving parts
That people strive to be part of
Is known as

London

Like roots pushing deep through solid earth
Like branches fighting to reach the sun
Like an infant determined to take a first step
Like a butterfly longing to hatch
Like a brilliant rainbow, shimmering through the rain

Never give up
For without struggle
There is no true growth

Faith
Is like
A chair...

Strong when there are four legs
Dangerous when a leg is missing

My faith
Is my belief
And
My disbelief

The challenge is
To change the belief
And the disbelief

A river is flowing
And I am in it

I hear the swirls and bubbles
And experience the shocking, refreshing burn
Of clean cold water

No longer
Are there barriers
To this journey

For I have discovered
A great opportunity
To make a fresh start
And I will take it

I leap upon the currents
Inhaling the morning air
And stride forwards with hope

I allow the great creative currents of the universe
To enfold me with their compassionate love

I dance through the ebb and flow
Of magnetic tides

And sing with the breezes
Sigh with the rushes

The future is mine
And I will take it

With arms open wide
In a loving embrace

I hear you
But my eyes are closed
And I shan’t see you

Laughter
The sway of branches
In the soft breeze
Each small leaf adding to a collective sound
That shimmers and shakes
In the cool evening air

A low constant murmur
Of bees
Working to perfect a new nest

The low grumble of aircraft ascending
Forging into the heavens

The creak of my chair
Laughter from somewhere far away

Birds singing softly

Gentle conversations
Between husband and wife
Tender exchanges illustrating
A lifetime of togetherness

The tap of my china cup on the garden table
The scrape of slippers on the concrete of my back garden

A siren approaches and passes
Disturbing the tranquillity
Momentarily
Before a coo of woodpigeon
Returns me to my meditation

I tune my ear
To the murmur of the bees

And I wish silently
That I could stay here
Forever

I think I made a mistake
In leaving the city

I think I made a mistake
In changing career

I think I made a mistake
In getting a mortgage

I think I made a mistake
In trying to be great

I think I made a mistake
In getting married

I think I made a mistake
Raising kids like I did

I think I made a mistake
In working long hours

I think I made a mistake
In admitting all this

Is it too late to turn back the clock?
To return to my teens and start again?

My mistakes are
Who I am

They make me
See more clearly

They are mine
And mine alone

They are the clothes
That wrap around me

And make me move
The way I do

They are
My possessions

My unique jewels
The scars

That make me…
Me

The truth is
I don’t feel strong
I feel weak
Dehydrated
Anxious

I woke at 3am covered in sweat
5am again
Got up at 6
Worrying about the day ahead

Tiny things
Simple things
That seem way beyond me

She cannot bear my weakness
I cannot bear her indifference

I watch with envy
Travelers boarding the train
I imagine their successful lives
Whilst denigrating my own
Asking, can I ever ever ever be happy?

I travel to a place I don’t want to go to
But there is no place
I do want to go

Last night I said I was overstretched in all areas
And yet here I am still
Fighting for myself
Fighting for...
What?

More of the same?

Friend

Believe
That you are great

Remember
That you are kind

Realise
That you are strong

Understand
You deserve to be happy

Good people
Are drawn to you

Happiness is
Within you

Good fortune
Surrounds you

Friend

Friend

Friend

Make friends
With yourself

Build your castle
Day in day out

Take a step further
Than before

Don’t doubt
All you have achieved

Believe in
All you will achieve

Greatness is
Your daily life

Greatness is
Who you are

Whether you feel good or not
You are happy

Friend

Friend

Friend

You are
A Buddha

To fight
For a humane goal
Makes one worthy

To play one's part
On life's great stage
Is noble

To struggle alongside others
For a greater good
Is the path to victory

Happy are those
Who dare to change their hearts

Bold are they
Who express their truth

Valiant are they
Who battle the storms of the future
Undaunted

To pursue
Freedom
Means to break
The chains of authority
To embrace
With compassion
One’s own life
And to summon light
From the darkest corners

Only the free
Have known the darkness of despair
Only the free
Have looked into oblivion
And chosen to continue
To stand alone
To walk proudly
In their own skin

Freedom
Is to break through
The binding cocoons
Of society
And unfurl
One’s unique and fragile wings
Of creativity

A march of freedom
Has no easy path
Only steep ascents
And treacherous crevasses
And yet only the brave
Will experience
The incomparable
Joy
Of liberation

93 million miles
Have you travelled
To reach me
And warm my face

Walking to the station
I observe your golden rays
Making patterns between the trees
Illuminating this winter morning

A community of wood pigeons
Pick at the earth
Where the frosted grasses
Have melted in your light

And people appear
Walking through swirling clouds of whiteness
Like mysterious characters
Of some great drama

How clearly I see your rays
Simple straight lines
Journeying for 93 million miles
To where I stand

Avoiding any obstacle
To land upon one man’s face
And make him feel
Happy

Daughter
Your red faced tears
Tell a story

Mother
Softly
Encourages you
Embraces you
As only she can

And for just a moment
You resist

And then I see
Your small gloved hand
Wrap around her

As you melt into the safety
Of her warmth

Perhaps
After all
It will be all right

I'm sorry
I’m trying to remember
My first thoughts of the day

Thoughts
That race around
My simple mind
In the uncertain hours of the morning
When I am held
Between sleep
And wakefulness

I lie in bed
Wishing I could return to sleep
To oblivion
Yet, in my dark imagination
Giant insects
Softly pull my rib cage open
To feed on my heart

When I was young
I was free
I did not worry
The way I do now
When I was young
I was free

Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry

I turn to the distractions of life
Things to do, things to do
Things that have to be done
In order to, in order to
In order to
What
In order to what?
To move?
To inspire myself?
To inspire others?

Something is happening to me

Perhaps, I am changing
As I listen to the
Strange thoughts
That visit me
In the dazed hours
Of the morning

And I let them go
Bid them farewell

I don’t know why
They come to haunt me

And so I let them come
And I lie
In my bed
With these strange new companions

Until I arise
And move

I don’t know why
I am the way I am

I don’t know the secrets
Buried in my subconscious

But slowly I am lifting
The lid
On who I am

The hands of time beat eternally

Truth lands
Like a hammer blow
Knocking evil
From its magpie throne

Bitter tongues wag
As tyrants fall

Truth demolishes falsehood
And reveals
The beauty of justice

Kingdoms built on falsity
Will inevitably crumble

Truth and fairness
Are the firm foundation
Of all construction

It’s counter
To flow

Stronger
Than feelings

Unseen
Yet energetic

Borne
From the mind

Invisible
To the eye

Pushes
One forward

Changes
All things

Even time
Itself

It creates
New patterns

New possibilities
For living

It’s in me
In you

Waiting
waiting

A leaf dances across the car park
And a girl with golden sparkly boots
Leaps into a car with her lover

I remember the day when you held me tight
And we danced in circles

A memory
I can never forget

A young tree stands proudly here
It will remain after I have gone

For now I sit
Still as the mud
Listening to the silence
Letting time
Pass

The great sea
Never rests

Undulating
Swelling
Churning
Purifying

Changing
Colours
Turquoise
Blue
Black
Grey

I am with you
In you
Surrounded by you
And I know
The great swell
Of your fervour

You
Untameable
Home
To more
Than I
Could imagine
Roll and sway

And I
Depart
Distanced
From your ***** energy
With each step
I take inland

But I return to you
Awed by your majesty
My earthly pursuits
Reconciled
And levelled
By your greatness

I do not want
The world to go mad
I want peace, inclusion, respect

I do not want
Outbreaks of hatred
I want learning, freedom, happiness

Battle against
This ‘progress of division’
Art and culture to warm cold hearts

Educate
To liberate from slavery
Abandon all destructive pursuits

Wisdom, compassion
Are lying dormant
Within the depths of each human heart

A bird dips its breast
In diving softly
Falling fearless through the evening air

Circles surround me
Sun
Moon
Earth

Night
Day

The revolution of
The wheels of our lives
Turning, turning
Driving forward, forward

The movement of clouds around the sky
Raindrops on my window pain
Shimmering gold in the morning sunlight

The blue of day
The black of night

The circular flapping of wings

The roundness of your body
The green of your eyes

The rolling of the seasons

The passing of years
The easing of childhood
To teenage-hood

The maturing of minds
And collective consciousness

I see circles
I feel them
Turning me
Round

In the now
Enjoying the moment
Awaiting the future
Letting it come
Not trying to change it
Dancing with it
Happily
In the now

In the now
Watching the weather
Marvelling at birds
Flying
Gazing at sky
In myself
Prepared
For living
In the now

In the now
Fearless
Grounded
Available
To myself
Enjoying
The journey
Finding my way
Working things through
In the now

In the now

The truth is
The mask
Can be dropped

Celestial rays of sunlight
Will illuminate
Who we are

Layers
Can be peeled back
To reveal
Our true nature

And
There is
Such beauty
To Behold

And the truth is
Bullies
Are
Not strong
Prejudice
Is
Weakness

For life
Transcends each illusion
As eternally
As light
Voyaging
Through space

We
Most conscious
Of beings
Are children
Of a great
Shared universe

We
Are
Never
Alone

We are mistaken
To live
Without humility

False to live
Timidly

The clock ticks
Patiently
As we learn
Of our destiny

The hours
March with us
As we become
True

Tiny hands
Red lips
Bruised head
Sleeping

Sometimes shaking
Breathing softly
Dreaming
Dreaming

Eyes shut
You stir at noises
Flinching slightly
Absorbing voices

Mother’s eyes
Deep and tired
Father smiles
From a distant planet

Being born
Is not so easy
Being born
And living

Moving from
Another eden
Embarking on
An epic journey

Time is precious
Every second
An eternal opportunity
To choose
What to do

The responsibility
Of choosing
How to live
Is great

For suddenly
Life flashes by
And one is old
Older
Greyer
Wiser?

What do we choose to do?
What do we choose?
What is our goal?

The material
Is but a dream
All things formed
Will crumble
And be reformed
Differently

Nothing lasts forever

So to live
To make something last beyond
One’s lifetime
Is a choice

What will it be?

To strike out from the ordinary
And speak out against injustice
Is a choice

To trust oneself
Is a choice

To work for the happiness
Of others
Is
A choice

All will change
But life
Will continue

Whether happy
Or unhappy
Every second
We
Choose

Does anyone disagree
That we have to stop
Killing each other?

Freed from the steep walls of karma
I contemplate

Have I disappointed you child
By failing to reverse the hands of fate?

I can only watch
As you shed sincere tears
Asking me
Can things can change?

And I wonder

Sometimes
I do not even know
The names of trees

I want to think more clearly
I want to take more care
I want to breathe more deeply
Enjoying being here

I’d like to have more laughter
To taste the food I eat
I’d like to use my face to smile
At people that I meet

I’d like to sleep more deeply
And wake up more refreshed
I’d like to love my family
As if today’s my last

I’d like to feel my heart beat
And listen to its sound
Grateful for the miracle
That sends each day around

This is about
Being present
In the moment
With another human

Not rushing from them
Distracted
By our own
Desires and goals

Facing the shared problems of life
Entirely
Completely
Together

Whilst being true
To who we are
And what
We feel

One is one
Two are two

The space
Between
One
And another
Exists

Full
Or
Empty

Weak
Or
Strong

Women
Radiate beauty

Men
Stand firmly

Children
Play

One is but one
Two is double

Three is one more
Four is square

I am
A corner
A partner
A single
A double

One is one
We are one

One
One

I am nearing the end
My final few hours
And I look back
At time

And I see death

Death of ordinary people
Children
Fathers
Mothers
Grandparents

Men
Standing
In uniforms
Hold their guns high
Waving their decorated arms
Smiling

I see
The washed up bodies
Of infants

Innocent
Like rag dolls

Cradled in the arms
Of rescue workers

I see women intimidated
Men bullish
Political agendas
Thrusting decency and courtesy
Aside

And I feel myself
Pulled downwards
By the current of inhumanity

And I worry
About myself

Alone

In some distant
Safe place
Hearts beat together
Warm

Children have no fear
And adults
Are united

There are no wars
There is no hunger
Home is home
And no one is forced away from it

There is more than enough
Food to go round

And people take pleasure
In offering to others

And the air is clean
And the water pure
And the land is filled
With the sounds of nature

And I wonder

How kind
Can one man be
In twenty
Seventeen?

I am running
On faith

Everything
I thought I had
Is gone

Everything
I thought I was
Has changed

And I am an outline
Of the man
I was

I have been
Emptied
Into time

I am
Now

Full of nothing
But

Faith

15 days of my life
Are spent on these trains

Spent on these trains
15 days in each year

Up to London
And back to Prittlewell

Up to London
And back again

This time is sacred
Quiet, relaxing

Reliable, predictable
Beautiful, clear

For I cannot be disturbed
I cannot be elsewhere

I can't stop the momentum
I cannot turn back

All I can do
Is sit and roll with it

Sit and think
Write and sit

And in this time that I sit
I am most alone

With my thoughts and my pen
My pen and my thoughts

For I am The Commuter Poet
And I owe every word

To the train engineers
The drivers and signallers

The ticket officers, the cleaners
The electricians, the clerks

The people that work
Each night, each day

So that I can ride trains
Back and forth

And it is only to them
That I leave this legacy

This memory, this account
Of an ordinary man

Who travels to work
As a poet commuter

A travelling man
A commuter poet