Round and round we go
On the same negative loop
We’ve been round this circular path so many times
That our footprints have worn away the soil
And we have crafted a trench for ourselves
That gets harder and harder to escape

If we fail to climb the ladder of hope and transformation
Our footprints will deepen the trench
Until, one day,  all we can see
Are the walls that enclose us
The walls we have created with our own footsteps
And all we can feel
Is the repetitive grind and drudgery
Of our negative loop

I’ve got myself into a ridiculous hurry
I expected everything to be done too soon
I am rushing so much that my chest aches and burns
Am I rushing myself towards  pointless doom?

When I rush I don’t breathe to the depths of my lungs
My shoulders rise up to meet my ears
My stomach it rumbles and grumbles and groans
And my mood will bring those that I love to tears

I’ve got myself into a ridiculous hurry
I expected everything to be done too soon
I am rushing so much that my chest aches and burns
Am I rushing myself towards  pointless doom?

So I’ve noticed its happening and I want it to stop
So I take a hot bath and try to smile …a lot
Even though the rush hound still growls and snarls
I’m putting into a box behind bars

I’ve got myself into a ridiculous hurry
I expected everything to be done too soon
I am rushing so much that my chest aches and burns
Am I rushing myself towards  pointless doom?

Knowing that it will be tough
Is one thing
Dealing with difficulty
Another

When we feel strong
Challenge seems but nothing
But when the challenge comes
We will have to face our weakness

All right
I admit
I just don’t get you
At all

I simply do not understand
The workings of your mind
Or your heart

We are different
So different
And right now
We might as well be
On different planets

The toll of lockdown
Manifests in strange
Unpredictable ways

One minute
We are fine
The next
We are not

I guess I will accept
That this day
Has not gone well

But tomorrow awaits
And I will hope
For something
Better

This empty page
Does not mean
An empty heart
Or an empty life

It just means
That on this day
At this time
I cannot find a way
To put my emotions
Into words

And so
I will see the empty page
As an empty space
Waiting to become filled
With fresh creativity

And I will not mind waiting
Because as I do
I can carry on
Living my life
Just as it is

Yesterday
I took for granted
All the things that made life
What it was back then

Today
Now that things have changed
I value so much more
The food that I eat
The people that I spend time with
The air that I breathe
The sun on my face

Simple things
That I value
Simple things
That are still here
Simple things
Like being alive
In the world
At this time

So I cried this morning
And cried
And cried until
The need had passed

Years have passed
And still I cry
Still I am
Crying

What does this mean?
What is the deeper meaning?

What this means to me
Will for sure mean something different to you

All I know is that my emotions
Were rushing up inside me like
Flood Waters
Ready to overcome any obstacle
Unstoppable
Out of control
Dominant
Gushing
Until the surge had passed
And I was left
Somehow
More grounded
A little more pure
A little more
Me

We have to generate hope

Hope that our future
Will be bright
Joyful
Happy

Filled with the freedoms
That we have lost

The more hope we generate
The more things will move
In a positive direction

Negative perspectives
Act like weights
On our bodies
Hindering our progress

Bright optimism
Will refresh us
Lift us
Carry us
To the safety
Of future shores

We’re not that different
From each other
When it comes down to it

Your face is melted
I try and read the signs
But everything has gone...strange

I am feeling hot
Tired, suddenly
A visitor in a foreign place
Only able to understand
Half of what is being said

I am smiling
Attempting to hide my weakness
Hoping that I can get through
Without being noticed

I want to be alone
But the lights have come
Strobing across my eyes
Tearing my perspective
Like paper

I get home
Walking older than my years
And fall to bed
Worrying
Until the safety of sleep
Takes me elsewhere

This is what I think
This is what I think
This is what I think
This is what I think

This is what I know
This is what I know
This is what I know
This is what I know

So, this is what I think
This is what I know
So, this is what I think
This is what I know
So, this is what I think

This is how it is
This is how it is
This is how it is
This is how it is
So this is how I act
This is how it is
So this is how I act

This is how things are
This is how things are
This is how things are
This is how things are
So this is what I do
This is how things are
So this is what I do

This is what I do
This is what I do
This is what I do
This is what I do

Is it?
Is it?
Is it?
Is it?
Is
It
How
I
Think
It
Is
?

Being who we are
Regardless of what we are
Dancing
Playing
Unaware of anything but ourselves

Hair scraped into shapes by elders
Shoelaces half tied
Faces stained with tears and sweat
Resisting the mould
Until the mould
Creates…us

Society
Built
Fixed
Strong
Surrounds us

We are stones
Thrown repeatedly at walls
Shaped by them
Wishing one day to break through

A bundle of troublesome things
Are held within my heart
Confusing and knotted
And ******* together
Way too difficult for me to understand

But what is also in my heart
Is buried at its core
And the thick outer layers
Which hold my truth from coming forth
Cannot deny its existence, way below

The walls and restraints that hold it thus
Wrestle and grip
But the restless beauty at its core
Which yearns so badly to be free
Is there I know it
And will emerge
Like the sun over a glassy still ocean

Whats in my heart
I ask myself, is the essence
That makes up 'me'
The coil of unique existence
Created in the sea of the universe
A star like no other
My
Heart

It’s no good me carrying on
As if things will go back
To how they were

The world is changing
And I will be forced to change
Whether I like it or not

It is said that there are response phases
To contend with during change...
Shock and denial
Anger and bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

And then,

The future...

The world is changing
And I will be forced to change
Whether I like it or not

Will I be stuck in shock or depression
Passive in my acceptance
And become a victim of the changes?

Or active in the change
A contributor of new exploration
A pioneer on the front lines of the unknown?

The world is changing
And I will be forced to change
Whether I like it or not

I the Commuter Poet, no longer commuting
Am writing a poem a day throughout this year
And my history, my contribution, my response
May well be told and remembered
Through these very words

For the world is changing
And I will be forced to change
Whether I like it or not

How strange and curious
Is this thing called life

We know that we know not what lies ahead
And yet we believe we understand
The workings of the universe

These last few days
Have been like a dream
In which everything
We have ever known
Has disappeared
Only to be replaced by a strange dystopian existence

We have stood
Noble, like Kings and Queens
Gazing proudly upon our creations for too long
Oblivious of the storm that would
Come to wash it all away

And now we wonder
What will become of us
When all of this is through

Maybe one day
We will awaken
To a world more beautiful and fair
Than we can possibly imagine

Or maybe our days
Playing carelessly in the sun
Have burned us too deeply

Joy
Complete joy
Glowing
Flowing
Pouring
Unhindered

Friends
Unseen for twenty years
Meet

A restaurant
Cold white wine
A magician
Entertaining us
Throughout the evening
Food
Laughter
Tears of laughter

Conversations
And conversations
Two decades
Of each of our lives
Recounted
Processed
Remembered
Recreated
Through our own telling
Around a dinner table
Together

We listened

Commented
Wondered
Gasped
Laughed
Hugged

And then
Almost
As if it had been a dream
We left

Each heading
To different corners of London
To take trains
To remote places
To face the cold night air
And the bright full moon

Old friends
Reunited
After twenty years
Still connected

Still

Connected

You might not know
But my love is here
To catch you
If you fall

I will be one
Who listens
When your heart is broken

I will be a strong guardian
Should you ever need my shelter
As you voyage from home
Out into the wilds

I will feel your tears
And share them with you
For I know that friends and lovers
Will hurt your pure heart

But it is better for you
To have lived, loved and given
Than to have been too afraid
To share your heart
With others

Now is the time to face our fear
To look at it carefully, patiently, calmly
To understand what it is telling us
About ourselves, about our lives

For the longer and more carefully
We examine our fear
The more we see its detail
Its components, its way of working

The more we spend time with our fear
The more we understand
How the devil of our own fear
Was built by own very own hands

Engineers spend time
Observing things, examining details
Wondering what parts to refine
What component to remove

We are the engineers of our lives
Either studying and learning
Or running away
Avoiding our truth

If we spend time with our own fear
We will come to know it
And how it can be dismantled
Broken into its constituent parts

And with all of its pieces
Laid out before us
We can assemble a new creation
Courage

Wine, cheese and crackers
Simple things
Make me happy

The World needs more fathers and grandfathers
Men who act with love and kindness
Nurturing their families and loved ones

There are queues at the shops at 8am
A long line of shopping trolleys
Queue up round the building
Shelves will be emptied
Of essential supplies
As people fear
That they will go hungry

There is a strange sense of foreboding
Afloat in the air
Business is not
'As usual'
People feel pressure to do something, to act
People are facing their own mortality

What can we do to calm things down?
What can we do to navigate this storm?
Will a larder full of food keep people safe?
What should we do?
What should we do?

I'm stuck
Here
With
Myself

And no matter
How hard
I try
To escape

I will
Still
Be
With
Myself
When
I return
To my senses

What
Did I expect
To Find
In
Such
A place?

What
Strange monsters
Have
I been
Running
From?

Were they
Even
Real?

This
Protracted
Solitude
Leaves me
No choice
But to experience
My life
Just as it is

And
Yes
There
Are questions

And
No
I
Don't
Have
Answers

So,
I'm stuck
Here
With
Myself

And
No matter
What comes
To Pass

I will
Remain
Stuck
Here
With
Myself
Forever

For
This
I imagine
Is
The eternity
Of my life

Eternally
Individual
Eternally
Me

So

If
I can
Make peace
With myself

Then
Maybe
Everything
Will be
Ok

And
The journey
Of my life
Will feel
Beautiful

And
That
I suppose
Is
How
It should be

And
So
Now
Is
The time
To make
Peace

Dark blue shades
Transform
To shimmering pulses
Of deep pink
Rippling like circles
On a pond

Warm air
Mixes between entities
And new possibilities arise
As hearts merge
Allowing
An unforeseen future
To be revealed

Let go
Let go of the grip
Let go of the hold
Let go of the future
And live

Live
Now
In this moment
Wholly
Fully
Naturally

Tomorrow
Never comes

And yesterday
Only lasts one day

But now
IS
Forever

Challenge
Myself
To challenge
The status quo
And make
Dreams
Reality

There’s a place
We share
Which is ours
Alone

It exists between us
And it is love

It is the synchronised beat
Of two human hearts

The mix of breath
From earthly lungs

The taste of food
Of which we share

The warmth of bodies
Resting together

The touch of fingers
Entwined and soft

The weight of our troubles
Combined and tough

The lightness of our laughter
Free as birds

The sparkle of smiles
Bright and alert

It is the guide that leads
To a better life

A family of three magpies
Is building a home
At the end
Of my garden

They chat
Clacking and clicking
Keeping an eye on me

Way above
Swifts swoop and dive
Playing in the gentle evening warmth

Whilst down below
Bees drink the last drops of the day
Sweet nectar from peach coloured roses

The daisies heads have turned west
While an ocean of pregnant clouds
March silently eastwards

Winged six-legged creatures
Creep and crawl
Making pilgrimages across leaves
To take them, who knows where

Spiders webs are spun
And their engineers sit in a trance
Waiting for the end of the world

And the great, ancient trees
Sigh at all of it
Happy, as am I
To be surrounded
By the wonder of living things

The planet is fighting back
Or so I hear
The universe is responding
To what we have done, or so they say

When I breathe
I no longer smell
The acrid fumes
Of traffic jams

When I listen
I no longer hear
The thick rumble
Of engines

I smell the scent of Spring
I hear the songs of birds
I see nature darting to and fro
Recovering from our injurious behaviours

And we take stock
Of what has brought humanity
To this point
In our history

What do you do
When you get the feeling
That, there’s not so much
To look forward to?

What do you do?

Do you wait for it to pass?
Do you weep and wail
To let the world know how you feel?
Or do you keep it inside?

What do you do?
When you feel just a little bit…low
Do you force a smile
Put on a brave face?
Or do you wear a frown?
And sigh with the eyes of a heartbroken clown

What do you do?
When you wonder whether
All your effort and hard work
Doesn’t really amount to very much at all
And you wonder
Why you still get up each day
And carry on
Because the alternative
Isn’t worth contemplating

Id like to know what you do
Because Id like to know what to do, too

Do we all have times like these?
I’d like to know if you do, too
Perhaps I’d feel a little lighter
If I knew it wasn't just me....

Today
I studied my hand
Closely

I looked and I looked
And after a while
I remembered
That I am nothing but
A living creature

Born from an eternally repeating cycle
Assembled from ancient materials

Arisen from the universe
And unique circumstance
To be alive
At this time

Alive
Present
Manifest

My realisation
Made me feel
Good

In the grip of uncertainty
Leadership gives confidence

In the wash of anxiety
Humour brings hope

Amongst rampages of fear
Kindness builds bridges

In the eye of the storm
There is stillness and calm

Morning breaks
Eyes open
Trees lean
To peer in through the window
At the sleepy giant

Huge and hairy
He yawns and groans
Lying beside him, his beauty
Dreams and sighs

Heavy feet trudge along the hall
And furry four-legged creatures
Curl around the giant’s ankles
Eyes wide with anticipation
Of the first meal of the day

From the glass
A wild haired sleepy-eyed creature
Stares with a gloomy look
At last great hands move
And hot water splashes over the whiskered face

A few grunts and stretches
And the monster is freshened
And a lantern in his heart is slowly lit

A new dawn has broken
And the beast
Reaches his numb hands
Out to humanity
Asking
'May I walk with you
On this lonesome road of life?'
And one by one hands join
And a smile appears on his grizzled face

We live together
We die together

The idea of keeping everyone separate
Isolated, locked down
Fills me with dread

We are all born
So some day we will all die
Perhaps it will be sooner
Than we all think

And yet the magnolia trees are flowering
The blossom shines on the cherry trees
The sun shines strongly
And the sky is a clear blue

And I become light as a feather
Floating on warm breezes, dancing freely
Joyous, happy, alive

Perhaps today will be a beautiful day
Filled with laughter, happiness, connectedness – hope and life

Or perhaps it will be filled with dread and fear
Such are the complexities of human life
Such
Is
Life

Ocean swimming
To refresh the body
And the soul

Watch the golden sunlight
Dance
On the rippling waves

Let the cold saltwater
Cleanse your skin
And re-invigorate you

Allow the swell and sway
Of the tides
Lift you up and lay you down

The monster has wild eyes and crazy hair
The monster spits angry shouts and beats violent fists
The monster tears up books and smashes houses
The monster runs through the streets howling obscenities

But

Underneath
There is a child who wants to learn
A child who wants to grow
A child who values peace and friendship
A child who values love

In these strange times
I have for some reason
Been trying to avoid
Asking myself the question

'Have I been living
The life
I wanted…?'

The life
I expected
To lead…?

And when
I face this big question
I realise
I have not…

And I have been wondering
Why?

Why…have I been living
A life
So different
From that
Which I expected?

And I realise...

How could I possibly
Live a life
Just created and limited by
The workings of my own mind?

When this universe is so great
So deep so profound and
Magical

That the best thing to do
Is to let go of all expectations
And fall...

Be part of it
Go with it
Flow with it
Experience life within this Universe
With all its gifts and treasures

With not one expectation

Words capture

A moment in time

They hold feelings

They represent the present

And last for eternity

Who will I be
In this quarantine?

Who will I find
Inside my mind?

Who will be there
When all others have gone?

Who do I become
When I am one?

Once I was a doctor
Laying hands on pulses

Once I was a gardener
Pushing my fork through thick earth

Once I was singer,
Making music  on stage

Once I was player
Playing games with the playful

Once I was barman
Pouring lager in tall glasses

Once I was sportsman
Scoring points in open spaces

Now I am held captive
By the edict of a virus

Now I am a prisoner
Without bars, held at home

Now I need to find
The key to my identity

Now I have to unlock
The window of my soul

Now that  my armour
Has been locked away

Now we will see
Who I will be

My castle is closed
My tribe is remote
My diary is empty
All happenings undone

Now we will see
Now we will see
Now we will see
Who I can be

Is the deck rigged?

Isn’t the planet’s wealth
Controlled by just a handful of...men?

Isn’t the daily race
To grab a tiny part of this wealth
The only race on offer?

Isn't running the race
Exhausting the runners?

Not racing, means losing,
Badly

If only I could grow my own food
Then I could live

If only I could cultivate my own land
Then I could live

But then would I not
Build my own walls
To protect what I had grown

Or would I be willing to share
What I had created

Is the deck rigged?
Or do we rig the deck?

I am running away
Although I am sitting still

I am eating food
Although I am full

I meditate
Whilst my mind races elsewhere

I am awake
But oh, so tired

I am frustrated
But inactive

Alert
But drowsy

I want to create
But don’t know where to start

I want to love
But want to be left alone

I want to dance
But I don’t want music

I want to be drunk
But I don’t want a drink

I want to smoke
But I couldn’t stand a cigarette

I want to sleep
While I am awake

I want the opposite
Of what I need

I want...I don't...I want...

I signed up
To join the war
Offering myself
To the front lines

I feel the dance
Of inside butterflies
And wonder when
I’ll get my call

Who knows what
The future holds
If I will fight
A courageous battle

Will I live
To tell the tales
Of how we
Fought and won

Or will I falter
Get it wrong
And end up
In defeat

I must take care
Along this road
And use my life
As best I can

Rain
Fall
Upon
Our
Earth

Rain
Wash
Away
Our
Sadness

Rain
Purify
Our
Sullied
Communities

Rain
Keep
Us
Still
And
Silent

Rain
Show
Us
How
To
Give

Rain
Lead
Us
To
The
Truth

Rain
Draw
Us
Close
To
Nature

Rain
Bring
Us
Re
Birth

I'm afraid
That I'm shaken up
And can't see things clearly

I don’t feel myself
And my body’s out of whack

I feel like a child
Who got lost in the woods

Tripped up on the brambles
And bumped his anxious head
Uncertain where he is
Or where he should be going

I desire to be
Cradled in your love
Held and embraced
By the softness of you

Sing me your lullabies
To evaporate the clouds
Of my mind

Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe out

Tomorrow awaits
And I am grateful for that

Tomorrow always awaits
With the gift
Of another chance

Tomorrow
Awaits

Living is struggling

Things we strive for
Hang finely
In the balance

Is the universe with us
Or against us?

Are we with the universe
Or fighting it?

Or are we living
Within the Universe
Struggling to survive
Struggling to create
Within it all?

Life creates
Our lives create
As we channel universal energy
Through our bodies, words and minds

All we can do is struggle
With that part of ourselves
That is dead
Or wishes to be so
And liberate the side
That lives vibrantly, strongly, confidently

We are dead
And we are alive

Awake
And
Asleep

We create
And
We wait

Struggling
And
Surrendering

There’s a full moon in the morning sky
Giant, pale, rising

I stare
Then turn my head
Noticing
The sun
Gleaming opposite

Am I dreaming?
Am I awake?

The moon is pulling me towards it
As if it were home
And yet the sun, urges me to awaken
To live
To venture

I am pulled
By the forces
Of the universe
And I wonder
How many times
Have I cycled
Through birth and death?

Why is it that I feel  
That this is my first most important revolution
My first life?
When I am surely as ancient as the galaxies
As original as the stars

Shouldn’t I know life by now?
Shouldn’t I understand
The ways things go?

We are born
We grow
We age
We die
And
Then

We are born
Again

A voice in my head
Calls to me

'Rest!  Sleep!  Close your eyes!
Stop trying to make sense of everything!
It is all too great and powerful
For you to control.
Instead enjoy the offerings of the planet
Wonder at the magnificence of the greenery
The flocks of birds
The blue skies
And the white clouds

For the universe is much more powerful than you

Though you are its child
You are not its master

Let it protect you
Let is nourish you
Let it love you
Let it carry you
Safely home'

Morning waits
For me
As I venture
From home

Crisp air
Frosted grasses
Hovering mists
Golden glow of sun
Reeds by the waterside
Sparkling like silvery feathers
Encased in ice

Railway signs
Proclaiming messages
To empty platforms
Garden sheds
Huddling by upright fences
Seagulls waddling
Across empty rugby pitches
Brown leaves lying
Dried on forest floors
Each object standing
Clear and stark
Present against
Cloudless skies
All existing
As I pass by
Witness
To it all

As the sun creeps higher
All colours change
And the cold
That gripped the black earth
Slowly surrenders its grasp
Deep greens
Colours of creation
Emerge

The mist that swirled
Over rolling fields
Will vanish soon

I close my eyes
In a wish
That I could hold this moment
Stop it from changing
Explore every aspect of it
Be with it forever

But before long
It will be gone
And this magical morning
Will have passed
And I
Will have to face
My day

This garden
Has been given to us
What shall we do with it?

Shall we tend it?
Shall we share it?
Shall we make beautiful things grow?

Or shall we plunder it?
Take more than our fill?
And leave it empty, once we have gone?

This garden
Has been given to us
What shall we do with it?

Shall we build shelters?
Invite our neighbours?
Enjoy friendship and share our harvest?

Or shall we build walls?
Defend the borders?
And keep out those, who we do not understand?

This garden
Has been given to us
What shall we do with it?

When all of this is over
And we have returned to ‘normal’ ways
When it is once again safe
‘To profit’ from society

Remember this...

We need each other

We need those who look after us
Those who feed us
Those who care for us
Those who teach us

We need clean air to breathe
We need nature to bloom
We need our rivers to run clear
Our seas to be pure

We need to lay down arms
Refuse to fight each other
To think once, twice and three times
About all of our actions

We need art, we need song,
We need humour, embraces,
We need love and family
We need fun and connection

We need to be confident
That who we are is enough

We need not chase
Shallow recognition, fame or fortune

We do not need to oppress others
To gain for ourselves

We need not put ourselves first
Whilst others perish

We need each other

We need to take care
Of everything that we do

We need to know that our lives
Are working towards a greater good

And that through our actions
We make things better for the future, not worse

Remember this...

As forgetting
Will bring us back

To this point

I am sitting on a planet
Rotating on its axis
Circling the sun
Whilst flying through space
At incredible speeds

I am composed of 37 trillion cells
Organised in such a way
That I can walk, run
And jump if I want to

I can make my inner thoughts
Known to others
By passing air over my vocal chords
In ways of my choosing

I am composed of billions of atoms
Each of whom is billions of years old
But the thoughts that pass through my mind
Are original and new

And yet
Why is it
That I sometimes feel
I amount
To very little?

We are who we are
When we are born

Pure
Human
Vital
Strong

Yet, as time passes
The ego emerges
And we wrestle to become
Who we think we should

‘What shoes should I get?’
‘What clothes should I buy?’
‘What music is cool?’
‘Does my hair look right?’

All these things
Give temporary identity
A hiding place
To mask our uncertainty

Yet if we are lucky
And receive encouragement
We can grow in harmony
With our original self

But if we become lost
Abandoned or bullied
Our identity
Attaches to external things

The partner we have
Our job, the salary
Our car, our clothing,
Our status, our house

But truly, we still yearn
To be the person within
Free of all falsehood
Happy and whole

We adults can win
By liberating our children
Helping them live,
Encouraging them to grow

Proud of their potential,
Their uniqueness and originality
Proud of their lives
Just as they are