Expect
The unexpected

Life is a series of riddles
Only understood in retrospect

Plan, but do not expect
Your plan to be fulfilled
To the letter

Something greater
Will be achieved

If you continue
To the very end

‘…The mind determines everything…’

Who am I?

Who am I if?

Who am I if
I decide
To be kind
To treasure mankind

Who am I?
Who am I?

What if?
What if I?

What if I
Can make a difference
Decide to work hard
To somehow win?

What will I do?
What will happen?

What?
What?

And what if all
I try to do
Should come to pass?
Come to pass?

What if?
What if?

Perhaps I will learn
To care for you
To care for me
To care for we

Perhaps?
Perhaps?

Perhaps I'd connect
Disconnected hearts

Thaw the winters
Of eternal worry

Maybe I'd plant
The seeds of hope

And grow a spring garden
For all to enjoy?

Maybe?

Maybe?

If
If I...

If

If

If

I expand my life
As only I can
Cherishing the beauty
Of what has become

I dance
Through the forests of life
Encountering roots of good fortune
As they swirl and grip the earth

There is only making
The best of things
Dancing to heavenly music as it plays

Desiring nothing more than
The happiness of others

Working
To live together
Harmoniously
As one

The point is
I can grow

Anyone
Can grow

The world is full of growth

Plants, trees, grasses
All growing
Reaching up towards the sun
Undaunted by the pressure of the elements

Roots penetrate deeply
Working to become stable and strong

In spite of everything
Birds fly
Cutting through gusts of wind
Building nests
Gathering food

I can grow
Even if words don’t come easily today
Even if all I can do
Is gaze at bending leaves
Stare at the silver of clouds
And contemplate the glow of sunrise

I release my self
From self-judgement
I experience death and life
As a new dawn breaks
Abandoning the pain of the struggle
And accepting it
Taking it all in

Can I tell you
How I really feel?

Would I embarrass myself
Would I shed a tear?

For years we have been together
And now I must part

But I will keep your voice
Close to my heart

Can I describe to you
What you have made me feel?

Can I share with you
Moments of pride, hours of joy?

Would you laugh at me
If my words come out wrong

Would you cry with me
For people now gone

Could we remember
All the memories we have?

Or does time pass too quickly
To allow us the chance

We did our beautiful dance
You and I

And now we must part
And say

Goodbye

What if
I just let go...

What if
I loosen the ropes
That fasten me
To the banks of reality

Would my life cease to be real?

Or would I experience
Another reality

More real than the current reality

What if
I were to let myself…
Go

Where would I end up?

What is death?
What is it?

Is it so bad, so terrible?

It comes to every living thing, inescapably.
To all of those who view the sun
And gaze upon the moon
Death will come.

Death,
Total, complete, certain,
Will come.

We give birth
And we receive death.
Death is not life
And life is not death
And yet they are indivisible.

Death draws closer
With every passing second
But the sunlight burns always
…always

Light
Darkness
Death.

You say
You are sorry

That's noble
And brave

But what I want
Is change

Only then
Will the apology
Mean something real
To me

As I hear
The news
Of your deep commitment

Of your vow
I know
Joy

A tide of warmth
Bathing my chest
A light breeze
Caressing my neck
A smile
So natural
To refresh my face

And
Gratitude

Deep gratitude
That you
Will join
On this great journey

This is not
White vs Black
This is everyone vs Racism
Racism is not just a problem in America
Black Lives Matter!
Say their names
Justice for
Belly Mujinga; George Floyd; Tony McDade; Eric Gardner; Trevor Smith; Breonna Taylor; Sean Fitzgerald; Mark Duggan; Trayvon Martin; Chinedu Okabi; Ahmaud Arbery; Sarah Reed; Michael Brown; Aiyana Jones; Tamir Rice; Jordan Davies; Sean Rigg; Alton Sterling; Phlando Castile; David Dungay; Jamel Floyd; Christopher Alder; David McAtee; Julian Cole; Sheku Bayoh
No Justice, no peace
No freedom until we are equal
White silence is Violence
End Police Brutality
Stomp out racism
Stop killing my people
‘Please…please…please – I can’t breathe…’

I hear you
I see you
I stand with you

Hanging in the air
Leaning into the wind
Motionless
Still

Waiting
Watching
Looking down
For movement

A strike

And then
Nothing

Ascend
Arise
Find a place
To take the winds
And float alone

Waiting
Watching

I take my walk
In silence
Occasional melodies
Repeating in my head

I have walked these paths before
But I am older
Less expectant

Yet somehow
Still restless
Wanting more
From myself

Though uncertain
How to respond

Kite
You know what to do
You fail many times
Before you succeed
Yet with each failure
You climb higher

Even though my mind can’t locate
A way forward
The walk does something to me

Maybe I have to leave my problems
For them to become resolved
Perhaps my interference with them
Is the problem?

Noble pathway
Show me
That small diversions
Are but earthly

Success will come
But first
I must fail
Fail
And fail again

Dear delegates
I stand before you
As an altered man

My eyes and ears have been opened
By the courageous voices
Of those people
Young and old
Who have expressed to the world
Without fear of reprisal
The truth of our shared reality

I am humbled and inspired
By the example
Of Greta Thunberg
Who has campaigned for our future
And our planet
Whilst I
Have chosen to deride and ignore
All those people
That I deemed
To be obstacles
To the achievement
Of my own plans

I am so sorry
I was wrong

You see, I wanted to get
The best for my people
And take what I saw
Was the quickest route
By digging up and burning more coal
And investing in more oil
And starting wars when there was no need
But I was wrong
And I am so sorry

I can now see
That our planet cannot cope
With these activities any more

I can no longer deny
That our forests are burning
And that are species are dying
I can no longer deny
The reefs are failing
And the soil is degrading
I can no longer deny
That our very existence is under threat

I have been so wrong
And I apologise

If you will let me
I would ask
Only to serve you
In a new way
In a way that I hope
Will amend the great wrongs
I have allowed and encouraged

For years
I cannot deny
That I have longed for greatness
And now I see
The only way for me to achieve
Some kind of redemption
And meaningful recognition
Is to give my life
For the sake of others
And our planet

I will use my office
To lead my country
As best I can
Into a new era
In which all life is respected
In which clean and green
Replaces oil and dust
In which the waters run pure again
And the air is alive and fresh

We will give our beautiful planet
The love that it needs
So that we can continue to receive
The nourishment and compassion
It offers to us
As your humble servant
I offer my remaining years
To you

Am I too old to change?
Is it too late to develop?
Have I gone as far as I can go?

I know I cannot run as fast as I used to
Although part of me thinks I can

I know I cannot lift as much as I used to
Although part of me thinks I can

If true human challenge
Means to stretch oneself
Beyond one’s own boundaries
Then my boundaries are becoming more visible to me

Fear of death
Fear of unknown things
Vanity
Loss of youth

I cling to these, my increasingly familiar demons
Whilst ironically complaining about stagnation

I have to challenge myself to challenge my life
And this I must do
Amongst people

Alone I am stuck with myself
And my anxieties

With others I can change
I can take on
The challenge

It’s only the trees
That see me
It’s only the trees
That feel me
It’s only the trees
That know who I am
Only the trees
Who understand

It’s only the trees
Who stand watching
Only the trees
Who wait patiently
Only the trees
Who breath air to the world
Only the trees
Who will tell

If I was the last tree left in the world
I would allow any creature to inhabit me
I would push my roots down so far
That I would never topple

I would stand strongly
Whilst bees buzz around my branches
And make honey in my chinks

I would let children climb me
And throw ropes over my branches
To make a swing

If I were the last tree in the world
I would try to stand for a thousand years
Hoping that the world would change

I am me
You are you
What you do
Is up to you

What I do
Is mine
Alone

You and me
Are we
You know

We are you
And me
Together

I’m an island
You the sea

I’m the sea
Around your island

Being free
Eternally

Though we parted
Years ago

Hearts still beat
So complete

We are one in
Parallel

Different worlds
Life unfurled

You may think

I know what I am doing

But
You are mistaken

I am making it up

All of it

We meet
For the first time
You have questions
And I respond

I hope you can tell
Where I am coming from
I hope you can discern
What kind of person I am

What do I want to reveal of myself
And what do I want to hide away?

What are the secrets
That are barely hidden?

What are the truths
Written on my face?

We meet
We part

And I wonder
Will we meet again?

It’s a new day
The earth is vibrant
The skies are blue
The air is fresh

The leaves are green
Mothers are smiling
Water is flowing
Tea is being made

Airplanes are gliding
Music is playing
Trees stand together
Birds play overhead

Human beings make their way
Ready to celebrate
A happy end
To the working week

The rain fell and fell today
As if to wash away
The dirt from this world

The rain will fall again and again
Tomorrow

Until there are enough trees
To drink up the rainfall
Water will gather
In great floods and torrents
Laying waste to all in their path

The rain it falls
Like tears of the Gods
Weeping at what they see before them

Raindrops are messengers
Sent from the heavens
To remind us
Of what we must do

Today I swim
Further than I have ever gone before
To mark 25 years of an organisation’s creative work
Its perseverance
Endurance
Opportunity

I swim 25 kilometres
Over three days
Friday, Saturday, Sunday

I start, confident, quickly
Darting up and down the leafy waters
Of London Fields lido

I swim faster than normal
Deciding that I can break the back of it
On day one
Then, after four kilometres
Cramp strikes at my right calf
Like a poisoned dagger

Cramp?  Cramp!!  After only four kilometres?
And all those months of cramp-free training

Doubt clouds my mind in an instant and I wonder
Will I let everyone down?
All those who have donated to the cause
Encouraged my efforts
Applauded the challenge
And I can’t even complete 5 kilometres?

Despondently I decide to rest, eat,
Travel home, and eventually return to an indoor pool
The after shock of the cramp clawing at my leg as I walk
The muscles tight, unusual, threatened by the chemical imbalance
And I enter the water gloomily
And swim

One slow length, waiting for the dagger to return
Two lengths, waiting, waiting
Three, four and I find I am moving steadily
Minutes pass, then more minutes, then hours
Until a dazzling sun set illuminates the gathering of grey clouds
And I find I have met my target for the day
And all is not lost
After all

More
Food
Sleep
Fun
Money
Happiness
***
*****

More
Peace
Quiet
Contentment
Smiles
Touch
Caresses
Love

More
Taste
Succulence
Tenderness
Friendship
Joy
Laughter
Music

More
­Healing
Hope
Beauty
Colour
People
Nature
Living

More
This
That
Them
Us
Me
You
It

More
Depth
Soul
Searching
Falling
Further
With
In

Yesterday
I saw who I was

I held my life
In my hands
And understood
Myself

Today
I am grown
Just a little
Like a tree
Pushing down roots
Birthing fresh leaves

I am expanded
Experiencing
The pain of growth
Aching, tempted to shrink back
To what I was

And I watch

Raindrops
Dancing
Down by window

A single seed
White and furry
Floating through the air
Landing
On my arm

And I know
Spring is here
And I am opening up
Like a flower

Exposed
Vulnerable
Available to the universe

Like a tree in the dead of night
Like a rock buried beneath the ice
Like lost treasure on the ocean bed
Or a meteor approaching earth

Like a scattering of unknown seeds
Like an old discarded key
Like a secret underground tunnel
Or a diary with a lock

Like a missing jigsaw piece
Like the inside of an egg
Your heart is more mysterious
Than I could ever imagine

It’s really quite simple
Birds flock together
Worms weave their way through the earth
Trees grow stronger every year
And the earth turns on its axis

The seasons blend, one in to another
And time passes

Babies are born
Children grow
Adults age
People die

One year ends
And another begins

As we cycle through the seasons repeatedly
Inhabiting the patterns of our behaviours

And I did not know
That trapped in my life
Was such a melancholic feeling
Of which I was never truly conscious
A heaviness hanging around my heart
Until I perceived it this morning

It was as if the mists of dawn
Had wrapped around my soul
And I, on this day
Became cloaked in a great sadness

Crossing great highways
Of the capital city
The king fights on
Indomitably

Thick green matter
May clog his airways
And rattle his chest
As he splutters through
The pallor of a wintery illness

December fatigue
And hungry anxiety
May grinds his bones
And shake his humours
But ancient spells
Will rouse up within him
A dragon more powerful and strong
Than you can imagine

He has made it to this day  
And he will ingest
A concoction of sugary confections
And spiced drinks
To anoint and soothe his inner workings

For he is
The King of Essex
Most noble and brave
Undefeatable by any adversary
Prepared to fight
Until the bitterest conclusion
Occupying the throne
Glowing with life

This is not about
What I alone
Can give to you  

This is about
What you do
With the gifts
I am offering

Living beings
Choose to live

Our parents
Sustain us

What do we give
In return?

Parent child
Parent child
Which is which?

When do we change
From one to another?

The hand that takes
Becomes the hand that gives

From receiving  
To giving
To sustain
A life

If no one
Gives
Who can grow
From child to parent?

If no one receives
Who can learn
To be a parent?

Giving receiving
Growing growing

Receiving giving
Forever
Growing

This is a world
Of children
And parents

Let the children
Be children

And let the parents
Be parents

Behind every door
In this town
People are living together
Day in day out
The energies that they create
Are swirling and mixing
Blending to create a whirlpool
That joins the whirlpool
Of their neighbours
And their neighbour’s neighbours

Each singular energy
Connects to
And affects
All other energies
Seen and unseen
A change in energy
Be it positive or negative
Affects everyone
In the community

Are you crying
For the child inside of you?

Your tears flow and flow
As you live with the suffering
Of many years ago

Poor child
Lonely child
Heart broken child

Longing still
For what you lost

Tomorrow is a bright new dawn
A time for re-birth
For renewal

There’s always something
To look forward to
There’s always something
To look back on with pride
There’s always someone
To be thankful for
There’s always right here
There’s always right now

There’s always time
Until time has passed
There’s always tomorrow
Just out of reach
There’s always a memory
Whilst we choose to remember
There’s always a vision
If we choose to believe

There’s always a father
There’s always a mum
There’s always a family
From which we all come
There’s always the sky
There’s always the sun
There’s always the earth
To which we return

Where is the soul
I knew of old?

When did you leave
What have you left behind?

Are you gone forever
Never to return?

Or are you trapped
Struggling to break free?

I feel the sun on my face
As I watch a faint moon rising

Knowing even the simplest of journeys
Can be the most arduous of affairs.

I will walk the world in my own way
Watching, as running water turns the mill stone of time

I live and breathe
In this golden hour

And realise the environment
Is directing me
To look inwards
And find freedom there

I may no more sail the seas
Or visit foreign lands
Though my mind desires it

So for now
I will remain with my heart
Homely
At home

What grip do you have on our Prime Minister, Mr Cummings?
You break the rules of lockdown
Rules you co-engineered
Rules you expect everyone else to follow
And yet, your boss Mr Cummings
Stands by you Mr Cummings
Defends you to the hilt
As if you have done nothing wrong

Is there some dark secret that you hold Mr Cummings
That would topple this Government?
Is there some weapon of blackmail
That you wield behind the scenes Mr Cummings?
What is this grip you have Mr Cummings?
Please tell, for the truth will out
Eventually
And it would be better
For everyone
If it came from you

On your marks
Get set
Go!

This is it
This is the moment
We’ve all been waiting for.

Let’s leap out of bed
Grab the chance
Live the dream
Supremely

Once and for all
Let’s win them all

Breathe in the beauty
Of the freshest air

Make music while we can
Dance like we’ve never danced before

Spin, turn, sing,
Shout, leap, jump

There is no fear here
No fear anywhere

Let’s advance
On this wonderful dance

Reconnect with who we are
Learn all about our brilliance

Let our ideas take wing
And make them a reality

Stories of life are greater
Than anyone can imagine

This is our great drama
This is ours

Dear Anne,
Your words are Life

Stronger than the darkness
Of the human heart

May you continue
To inspire hope
For generations to come

I wasn’t expecting to see you
So full
So strong

I wasn’t prepared
For the effect
That you would have
On me

I didn’t realise
The power you wield
Even though
You are thousands of miles away

You pull at my heart
Unsettling me

You circle around me
Dizzying me

You draw me to you
And then disappear

You have so many lovers
To gaze on you

So many dreamers
To dream with you

You are queen
And we are your servants

You are queen

Moon

Mix
Of cool air
And autumn sun
Deep green field
With cloudless blue

Mist
Hovering
Born of earth
Quietly shimmering
At dawn's
First light

Impossible to grasp
Transient
Mystic

Gone too quickly
No trace remaining

Human heart
Yearning
To feel

Life
Love
Meaning
Hope

Clouds like feathers
Float in the deep blue morning sky

The sun, bathes the spaces
Between houses.

Brown leaves, dry and curled
Gather at my front door

As the winds of autumn
Shake the enduring trees

I walk each day
The same pathway

Looking for signals
Searching for signs

A still, rounded body catches my eye
And I cross the road

A hedgehog lies
Motionless
In the middle of Tickfield avenue.

Is this your final resting place?

I move it with my foot to the curb

It feels soft to the touch
Is it still alive?

I take a picture
It’s mouth is open
I can see its teeth

Is it over?
Is this how a life ends?

I take my train
Report the case to the RSPCA

And wonder
And wonder

It's Friday
And tomorrow

I will lay beside my wife
And we will share the weekend

Together

Trump’s angry war cry
Has incited the storming of the US Capitol
By a crazed mob
The scenes are shocking and disgusting

Joe Biden emerges
To speak with honour and dignity
Trump refuses to appear
To call off the protest

This has become a battle
Between good and evil
Reason and riot
Honour and shame

From my window
I see swirls of green
Mottled branches reaching up
A black crow swerving
To take its perch

The down and up of
Chlorophyll hills
Horses in coats
Standing like guards, steadily

Parallel pathways of jeeps rubber tyres
A duck and a drake floating in silence

Solar panels look up to the stars
And sheep huddle, waiting
For something to pass

Tall firm pillars
Driven in mulchy brown filth
Support travellers
Across the mixed Cornish, Devonish waters

The train trundles on
Towards the East
And I wander towards
The place I call
Home

Yesterday
I felt like another man

Today
I feel different

Tomorrow
I will feel something else

Have I forgotten
How to feel?

My feelings
Are isolated

Like a ball
Locked in a shell

Prevented from bouncing
And merging with a new lover

To love
Is to place your feelings
In the palm of another’s hands

To offer up your body
For examination
Touching
Scrutiny
Warmth

To love
Is to present
The totality
Of one’s fragility

To love
Is to say
I am me

To love
Is to wash and clean another’s soul

To accept and respect
Their uniqueness

To enter in
To the other person
And remain there

For a while

And then remove oneself

Like the tides
Together, apart,
In and out
Day and night
Life and death

I am alone
Without love

Floating like a bubble on the breeze

Drifting into the future
Perhaps never to enter
Into the life of another

Before I pop

Drop

And evaporate

Back into the everything

Beyond the bluster and hatred
The anger and vitriol

Came a new dawn
Sunlight
Reason
Dignity
Honour
Quiet
Truth

We can breathe easily once more
No longer are we braced
For sudden shocks
Charged with adrenaline
Tense with fear

No longer are we fearful
Of who we are
And the differences of others

We know the challenges
We face
Now we can address them
With the resolve and understanding
That we possess
Everything we need
Within us
To overcome all obstacles.

And it will be
Our behaviours and actions
As human beings
That will define us
And our legacy

I've been worrying
About how I am feeling

Sometimes...
Oftentimes...
I want my feelings...
To stop
And I can't make them
Because I feel that my feelings
Aren't always good for me
With their torments
And criticisms
And not 'good enough's
They seem to rise and crackle
Like fireworks let loose
And I wonder if there is a way
To make me stop feeling them
For good

And so, one day
I prayed to feel like a Buddha

I don't know what I was expecting...
Peace, tranquillity, joy?

Instead my feelings intensified
And I don't mean, just the 'good' feelings
I mean, all of my feelings
The good ones and the awful ones
And I wondered - can this be correct?
Have my prayers been ignored?

I forgot about my prayers for a while
And carried on feeling things just as before
And then one day I pondered
And I wondered…
What if my prayers have been answered after all
But in a different way?

Perhaps I am feeling like a Buddha after all...
Because isn't the Buddha an enlightened human being
Capable of feeling all things
And I am feeling
So many feelings
All of which make me who I am

And the feelings that I feel
Provide me with information about the world
The terrible things and the good things
And if I felt only joy, only peace or only tranquillity
Then I guess I wouldn't bother to try and change the world for the better
And that wouldn't be the way of a Buddha

So, maybe now I have begun to feel like a Buddha
I can act like a Buddha
And perhaps make a difference?

Ancient trees
Look down upon saplings
As if to say

'Grow young friend, grow...
I will drop my leaves
To enrich the earth just for you'

There are lessons in this world
Before our eyes

Perhaps we should see them
More clearly

I’m up when I speak to you
Even though I was feeling blue
So, when I connect to you
On the Zoom line
Somehow, all of a sudden
I feel fine

I’m up when I speak to you
Even though I was feeling blue
Your stories of the day
Coming done the internet line
Somehow, all of a sudden
Make me feel fine

I’m up when I speak to you
Knowing you’ll do what you have to do
It won’t be long
That we’ll be back online
And I know that when we are
We’ll feel fine

I’m up when I speak to you

When it comes to politics
The most important thing
Is to tell the truth

I'm inside it
Surrounded by it

Supported by it
Bathing in it

Most pure love

Compassion
Of cosmic origin

Existence
Unity

I always was in it

I always will be

I just didn't realise

Until now

Golden sunlight
Surrounded by electric blue
All the colours of autumn
Unite in browns and gold
Cold and fresh air
Horses grazing in the morning sun
Coats and hats everywhere

Where are we all going?
What is our destination?
Who are we listening to?
What are we talking about?

Ice sculptures melt
Melt in the heat
Polar caps will melt too
And we will all be in trouble

If the truth is not told
And the wrongs are not put right
If human hearts are closed
And people's minds are fooled

I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
The books in the box
That should go in the loft
I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow

I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
The hoovering, the cleaning
The washing, the weeding
I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow


I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
The paperwork the admin
The tax return for filing
I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow

I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
The rushing and racing
The hastening and chasing
I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow

I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
For today I will...

Stop...

And listen to the sounds...
That surround me
And I will be happy
That I am alive

Trees like fireworks
Burst through the February morning air

Bare branches explode
In wild and wonderful patterns
Decorating landscapes
Hugging the earth

No two are the same

Instead they describe
Their own unique pathway
From earth to sky
Sky to earth

Holding their lives mysteriously
Each alchemises sunlight and air
Into physical matter
More miraculous
Than any human endeavour

Trees transform
The most barren terrain
Into thriving communities
Of life

We are greater for them
Weaker when they are gone