Yesterday
I took for granted
All the things that made life
What it was back then

Today
Now that things have changed
I value so much more
The food that I eat
The people that I spend time with
The air that I breathe
The sun on my face

Simple things
That I value
Simple things
That are still here
Simple things
Like being alive
In the world
At this time

Now is the time to face our fear
To look at it carefully, patiently, calmly
To understand what it is telling us
About ourselves, about our lives

For the longer and more carefully
We examine our fear
The more we see its detail
Its components, its way of working

The more we spend time with our fear
The more we understand
How the devil of our own fear
Was built by own very own hands

Engineers spend time
Observing things, examining details
Wondering what parts to refine
What component to remove

We are the engineers of our lives
Either studying and learning
Or running away
Avoiding our truth

If we spend time with our own fear
We will come to know it
And how it can be dismantled
Broken into its constituent parts

And with all of its pieces
Laid out before us
We can assemble a new creation
Courage

My emotions lie gathered beneath my surface
And it won’t take much to pierce my skin
Causing my essence to flow out freely
For all to see

The trials of these days have driven me
To work and work
And somehow I now need to release the pressure
That has mounted in my bones

Soft words from a wise man
Brought tears to my eyes this morning
And I dabbed my face
With an old tissue

I guess we are all hanging on
To what we knew
Looking for guidance and signals
Before we enter the unknown

What is this disease?
Have we really been at ease recently?
Or have we been made uneasy or dis-eased
By the current of our times?

The swell of our humanity
Has brought us all to this point
Engines of acquisition
In which we buy cheap and sell dear
Have landed us all…here

Was it really that easy
For us all to live
In the way we have been living?

Perhaps if our energies had been directed
Towards the goals of all humanity
Perhaps this dis-ease would have been transformed
And we would all sleep better, feel better
Knowing that our energies had been put
To the very best use...

What is this world that we have created?
Is it the very best we can imagine?

What if we all closed our eyes
For one whole minute
And imagined a world just the way we wanted it to be

Perhaps we wouldn’t need to pray to the Gods
For a heavenly afterlife
Perhaps we could create the world
That everyone would want to live in
Instead

There are queues at the shops at 8am
A long line of shopping trolleys
Queue up round the building
Shelves will be emptied
Of essential supplies
As people fear
That they will go hungry

There is a strange sense of foreboding
Afloat in the air
Business is not
'As usual'
People feel pressure to do something, to act
People are facing their own mortality

What can we do to calm things down?
What can we do to navigate this storm?
Will a larder full of food keep people safe?
What should we do?
What should we do?

Everything is lighter
Brighter
Clearer
Than it was

Perhaps we have turned a corner
And now we can see
Our goal
At last

Perhaps we are more steadfast
Resilient
Aware and connected
Than we were
Before the storm

For when the storm has passed
You can see those
Who have travelled with you
In their true light
And what you have shared
Together
Is sacred and precious

Winter is hard
Whether it is the winter of the season
Or winter of the soul
But as a wise man said
Winter always turns to Spring
And perhaps now
We can enjoy
The fruits of our labours
The results of our endurance

This garden
Has been given to us
What shall we do with it?

Shall we tend it?
Shall we share it?
Shall we make beautiful things grow?

Or shall we plunder it?
Take more than our fill?
And leave it empty, once we have gone?

This garden
Has been given to us
What shall we do with it?

Shall we build shelters?
Invite our neighbours?
Enjoy friendship and share our harvest?

Or shall we build walls?
Defend the borders?
And keep out those, who we do not understand?

This garden
Has been given to us
What shall we do with it?

Beyond the fear
Lies the future

Beyond the pain
Lies release

Beyond the anxiety
There is courage

Beyond the unknown
There is opportunity

We live together
We die together

The idea of keeping everyone separate
Isolated, locked down
Fills me with dread

We are all born
So some day we will all die
Perhaps it will be sooner
Than we all think

And yet the magnolia trees are flowering
The blossom shines on the cherry trees
The sun shines strongly
And the sky is a clear blue

And I become light as a feather
Floating on warm breezes, dancing freely
Joyous, happy, alive

Perhaps today will be a beautiful day
Filled with laughter, happiness, connectedness – hope and life

Or perhaps it will be filled with dread and fear
Such are the complexities of human life
Such
Is
Life

I actually don’t want to read the news
I’d rather stare into the deepest blue

I don’t want to know about all the world’s problems
I’d rather just find some where to rest and snooze

My head gets too full and wild with worries
I’d rather discard them or perhaps just a few

I'd like to sit on a beach by the sea  
And do nothing but take in the view

Id rather not worry about people
And all the bad things they do

I’d prefer to look at the plants and the trees
The birds and the bees and thank them too

Today I could just let my guard down
And go with my flow I suppose

Perhaps by stopping to worry so much
Things might get better – who knows?

There’s money for a crisis
To spray oceans of disinfectant
To lock down whole countries
And restrain all people

But there’s no money there
To clean the air
Depollute the seas
Or plant more trees

Why do we fight so hard
To preserve the broken status quo
When what is needed is change
And a new way of living?

This long winter
Has challenged the people
Rains have fallen endlessly
Floods have wrecked homes and towns
Whilst fires have decimated the forests of Australia

This long winter
Has shaken the people
A winter virus has spread around the world
What is important is cast in new light
What is unimportant is revealed

This long winter
Is nearly over
But what have we learned from all that has passed
What should we do when faced with a crisis
How should we act when challenges rise

This long winter
May be the first of many
Our people may face unending trials
We must learn to live differently and teach our children
Not to give in to apathy’s spiral

Round and round we go
On the same negative loop
We’ve been round this circular path so many times
That our footprints have worn away the soil
And we have crafted a trench for ourselves
That gets harder and harder to escape

If we fail to climb the ladder of hope and transformation
Our footprints will deepen the trench
Until, one day,  all we can see
Are the walls that enclose us
The walls we have created with our own footsteps
And all we can feel
Is the repetitive grind and drudgery
Of our negative loop

Living is struggling

Things we strive for
Hang finely
In the balance

Is the universe with us
Or against us?

Are we with the universe
Or fighting it?

Or are we living
Within the Universe
Struggling to survive
Struggling to create
Within it all?

Life creates
Our lives create
As we channel universal energy
Through our bodies, words and minds

All we can do is struggle
With that part of ourselves
That is dead
Or wishes to be so
And liberate the side
That lives vibrantly, strongly, confidently

We are dead
And we are alive

Awake
And
Asleep

We create
And
We wait

Struggling
And
Surrendering

Is it possible to feel
The summer of one’s life
Gently turn to Autumn?

Is it possible to perceive
The weakening of one’s body
The subtle shifting of the physical
Towards the ending

To embrace the turn and swish
Of time’s universal pendulum
Making one final arc

If this is so
Then, whatever I do from now
Must bring something good into the world

In the grip of uncertainty
Leadership gives confidence

In the wash of anxiety
Humour brings hope

Amongst rampages of fear
Kindness builds bridges

In the eye of the storm
There is stillness and calm

Rain
And
Snow

Flutter through
The Early blossom
Of the cherry tree

The world
Is gripped
By the panic
Of a virus

Which spreads
From nation
To nation

But the
Rain
And
Snow

Fall softly
Gently
Soothingly

'It's snaining'
I tell my daughter
She groans
At the stupidity
Of my made up word

Rain
And
Snow

Falling softly
A small miracle
In our chaotic world

We are who we are
When we are born

Pure
Human
Vital
Strong

Yet, as time passes
The ego emerges
And we wrestle to become
Who we think we should

‘What shoes should I get?’
‘What clothes should I buy?’
‘What music is cool?’
‘Does my hair look right?’

All these things
Give temporary identity
A hiding place
To mask our uncertainty

Yet if we are lucky
And receive encouragement
We can grow in harmony
With our original self

But if we become lost
Abandoned or bullied
Our identity
Attaches to external things

The partner we have
Our job, the salary
Our car, our clothing,
Our status, our house

But truly, we still yearn
To be the person within
Free of all falsehood
Happy and whole

We adults can win
By liberating our children
Helping them live,
Encouraging them to grow

Proud of their potential,
Their uniqueness and originality
Proud of their lives
Just as they are

Sometimes
I feel unsafe with you

I am reduced to being
A child by you

I become a victim
Of the bully in you

Sometimes
I feel unsafe
With you

Sometimes
I don't know what to do

I don't know what to say
Or where to go

So I run for the safety
Of a quiet place

Knowing you curse
My latest escape

My chest aches
From the weight of you

The grip and grind
Of the beast in you

By the karmic scrape
Of the venom you spew

Sometimes
I feel unsafe with you

Words capture

A moment in time

They hold feelings

They represent the present

And last for eternity

One day
It will be a crime
To cut down trees

The anger
Of the poor
Is being manipulated
By the cunning
Of the rich

Sly politicians
Take their chance
Tightening the
Screws
Of an ugly power

One day
In the future
The people will be free
And those who have connived
And tricked
Will be exposed

And their misdemeanours
Will be written
In the pages of history
And their evils acts
Reviled by all

And the people will wonder
How did it continue for so long
Until it was all stopped?

It’s happening

It’s happening
We can not deny
It IS happening

The country has left the EU
The drawbridge is coming up
Politics is racing to the right
Way too far
To the
Right

Priti Patel
Donning the armour of 'home secretary'
Is laying down her rules

"People will not be able to come here
Unless they score sufficient points
We only want people with the right skills
We only want people who speak English
We only want people
Who will contribute to our economy"

70 points and you qualify
Less than 70, no thanks

Points
Points?
Points!

These people...
This 'Government' is deciding
Who is to be deemed worthy
And who is not
And it stinks
It is inhumane
And rotten

Let us not dress this up as some important policy
This simply stinks

Great countries appreciate the inherent value of all people
They welcome each individual
Not just those
Who can make them money

Society needs
Carers, lovers, families, mothers, grandparents, uncles, aunties, diversity, difference, colour, movement, growth

We are not to be judged
By a number
Or an assessment of our economic output
By a pointless bureaucrat

Look at where this unregulated economic race has got us!
To the brink of environmental disaster
To a point in which the top ten percent
Own half of the country’s wealth
And the 90 per cent
Make do with the scraps

We must stop labelling people
As units of production

People are people
They are precious
Wonderful
Valuable
Beyond all measures of currency

Politicians
What score would you give yourself today?
What 'value' are you bringing to the country
Through this demeaning system?

What if you were to become ill tomorrow?
Or need to stop working to care for a loved one?
Will we then assess you on your usefulness to our economy?
How would you like that?
How would that feel...to you?

This country is becoming a place
Where the word welcome
Has no real meaning

It is being shaped
As a place for the 'me first' attitude
The 'greed first' country
The take what you can get attitude
The place of judgement
Where the economy is
The golden shrine
And the rich observe the poor from their ivory towers
With contempt

I fight this mess with my words
I will spread my belief
Without fear
For the beliefs of this right wing Government
Bring shame upon our country

15 days of my life
Are spent on these trains

Spent on these trains
15 days in each year

Up to London
And back to Prittlewell

Up to London
And back again

This time is sacred
Quiet, relaxing

Reliable, predictable
Beautiful, clear

For I cannot be disturbed
I cannot be elsewhere

I can't stop the momentum
I cannot turn back

All I can do
Is sit and roll with it

Sit and think
Write and sit

And in this time that I sit
I am most alone

With my thoughts and my pen
My pen and my thoughts

For I am The Commuter Poet
And I owe every word

To the train engineers
The drivers and signallers

The ticket officers, the cleaners
The electricians, the clerks

The people that work
Each night, each day

So that I can ride trains
Back and forth

And it is only to them
That I leave this legacy

This memory, this account
Of an ordinary man

Who travels to work
As a poet commuter

A travelling man
A commuter poet

Arbiter
Is idleness
A natural state
For humans?

The gaps in between ‘work’
Grow shorter
And the wheels of production
Keep turning
Faster and faster

When competition is fierce
Must we fight harder?
Is it better to have scarcity
Or abundance?

Is it better to have too much
Or too little..?

How should we fight?
Against others
Or ourselves?

Arbiter
What or who?
Drives the engines of our lives
Is it our own desire
Or the desires of others?

'I will pay you
If you do this for me'
I will be paid
If I toe the line

Arbiter
If you allow me to
I will peel off my outer layers
And expose what lies beneath
I will shamelessly stand before you
In my nakedness
And let you see what I am made of
I will allow your essence to absorb mine
And the space between us will melt into nothing

Arbiter
I will lie curled up on the floor
If I need to
Counting the beating seconds of time
Looking at the slow growing blades of grass
Allowing the rest of the world
To go wild in its craziness
For the dream that is being chased
Is to my mind
Never near enough

The dream is now
This moment is all I have
Right now this moment with you
Breathe in
Be with me
In this moment
Now
Please

A storm
Is coming

The clouds are bunching, towering, angry
The skies are black, grey and wild
The heavens are gathering their energies
To pronounce a great riot
And I am alive

I am alive

My heart is swirling
Like the winds of nature
As I step out into the world
To realise
That I am part of it

I am one with it

And I will embrace it
This ferocity of nature

And I will stand in the eye of the storm
And scream with my human voice
Life!

Life life life!

I will scream at it
I will scream with it
I will command it

To grow and twist and shatter and advance
To become manifest
To express its deep core
To soar upon the adverse winds
To explode like the crashing of cymbals
To dance a terrifying tarantella
To exist
Now
Powerfully
And shake the earth to its core

And when it is over
We shall be cleansed
We shall be awakened
To our precious soul
And our earth
Our universe
Will soothe us
With gentle love

There’s nothing I can do
But lie here
Drenched in a 4am sweat
Worrying, worrying, worrying

This is my pattern
It has happened before
And will no doubt happen again

I'm woken from my sleep
At the darkest of hours
My inner fears
Roused from their slumber

And I can’t banish them
I cannot tame them
I cannot transform them
They simply circle and repeat

I lie, trying to breathe
Struggling to calm myself
Battling to silence their negative narrative

But the material is rich
And the worries are so hot
And the volume is turned up
To the max

Minutes go by
And then hours
And the battle is waged
On and on

Until at last
I accept it all
Accept the discomfort
And just let them
Happen

I change my position
Cool my body
And somehow
At some time
I achieve, just a little more sleep
Until the 6am alarm sounds
And I am up

And the day begins

And the day ends

And I go on

Surviving

High Speed Two
Is approved
Let’s celebrate
CELEBRATE

Passengers
Will reach London
From Birmingham
Thirty one minutes faster
Than they can now
Oh, and its just as fast
On the way back
How about that!

The prices might go up
(The prices will go up)
But think how quickly
We will all travel!

We will hurtle
In supreme comfort
Up and down
Our once green country

This is progress, progress, progress!
Thirty thousand jobs created
(From the taxpayers purse)

Well what’s £106 billion
For a lovely project like this
It’s peanuts
Pea NUTS!!

Let’s be bold
Let’s be brave
Let’s bluster

Let’s get Brexit
Or was it HS2...
DONE

Get it done
Get it done
Get it done!!!!

Don’t worry about
The Sites of Special Scientific Interest
That’s for eggheads and boffins
Forget about
The one hundred and eleven local wildlife sites
What’s so good about them?
As for the nineteen ancient woodlands
We can just plant a few more trees
That solves that one

Who are these negative naysayers
These crusty tree huggers
Stepping in our way??

What we need is speed

Speed for our economy
Greed for our economy
Speed and greed
To feed
The ego
And Make Great Britain Great Again
Let’s give it a hashtag
And a catchy phrase
MGBGA

We need to propel ourselves
Faster than ever towards…

Environmental collapse
and
Climate catastrophe

Now...

Are you with me
Or against me?

There’s a full moon in the morning sky
Giant, pale, rising

I stare
Then turn my head
Noticing
The sun
Gleaming opposite

Am I dreaming?
Am I awake?

The moon is pulling me towards it
As if it were home
And yet the sun, urges me to awaken
To live
To venture

I am pulled
By the forces
Of the universe
And I wonder
How many times
Have I cycled
Through birth and death?

Why is it that I feel  
That this is my first most important revolution
My first life?
When I am surely as ancient as the galaxies
As original as the stars

Shouldn’t I know life by now?
Shouldn’t I understand
The ways things go?

We are born
We grow
We age
We die
And
Then

We are born
Again

A voice in my head
Calls to me

'Rest!  Sleep!  Close your eyes!
Stop trying to make sense of everything!
It is all too great and powerful
For you to control.
Instead enjoy the offerings of the planet
Wonder at the magnificence of the greenery
The flocks of birds
The blue skies
And the white clouds

For the universe is much more powerful than you

Though you are its child
You are not its master

Let it protect you
Let is nourish you
Let it love you
Let it carry you
Safely home'

I love this land
That I have been born to
With its thick mud, green mosses
Wise trees
Rippling grasses

I love this land
That I take my walks in
With its wild winds, frothing seas
Journeying clouds
Birds gliding

I love this land
Enchanting to my eyes
With its bulbs erupting
Petals opening
Fronds advancing
Flowers blossoming

I love this land
That supports my family
With its softest moonlight
Dazzling dawns
Frosty winters
Hopeful spring

I love this land
With its autumnal colours
Its nighttime silhouettes
Its dramas of humanity
I love the people
Brave and dedicated
Creative, curious
Kinder than we know

I love this land
That I am part of
With all of my heart
And all of my soul

And I will serve it
With all of my being
Until the day
When we are all
As one

There are days
When I long to be old
Looked after
Irresponsible
Cradled in the arms
Of a caring force

There are days
When the daily routine
Just seems too hard
And all I yearn for
Is rest

There are days
When I just want
To give up
Days when
I just want someone else
To take care of things
Days when I want life to feel
Easy, easier

But I don’t know if
I will ever have
Days like these

There are days like these
Days like these

I guess knowing
That there will always be
Days like these
I should learn to let them go
Release them
Feel grateful for my struggles
And all those
Who protect me
And care for me
As I am
Now

This is what I should do
This is what I should do

Morning waits
For me
As I venture
From home

Crisp air
Frosted grasses
Hovering mists
Golden glow of sun
Reeds by the waterside
Sparkling like silvery feathers
Encased in ice

Railway signs
Proclaiming messages
To empty platforms
Garden sheds
Huddling by upright fences
Seagulls waddling
Across empty rugby pitches
Brown leaves lying
Dried on forest floors
Each object standing
Clear and stark
Present against
Cloudless skies
All existing
As I pass by
Witness
To it all

As the sun creeps higher
All colours change
And the cold
That gripped the black earth
Slowly surrenders its grasp
Deep greens
Colours of creation
Emerge

The mist that swirled
Over rolling fields
Will vanish soon

I close my eyes
In a wish
That I could hold this moment
Stop it from changing
Explore every aspect of it
Be with it forever

But before long
It will be gone
And this magical morning
Will have passed
And I
Will have to face
My day

Trees like fireworks
Burst through the February morning air

Bare branches explode
In wild and wonderful patterns
Decorating landscapes
Hugging the earth

No two are the same

Instead they describe
Their own unique pathway
From earth to sky
Sky to earth

Holding their lives mysteriously
Each alchemises sunlight and air
Into physical matter
More miraculous
Than any human endeavour

Trees transform
The most barren terrain
Into thriving communities
Of life

We are greater for them
Weaker when they are gone

I’ve got myself into a ridiculous hurry
I expected everything to be done too soon
I am rushing so much that my chest aches and burns
Am I rushing myself towards  pointless doom?

When I rush I don’t breathe to the depths of my lungs
My shoulders rise up to meet my ears
My stomach it rumbles and grumbles and groans
And my mood will bring those that I love to tears

I’ve got myself into a ridiculous hurry
I expected everything to be done too soon
I am rushing so much that my chest aches and burns
Am I rushing myself towards  pointless doom?

So I’ve noticed its happening and I want it to stop
So I take a hot bath and try to smile …a lot
Even though the rush hound still growls and snarls
I’m putting into a box behind bars

I’ve got myself into a ridiculous hurry
I expected everything to be done too soon
I am rushing so much that my chest aches and burns
Am I rushing myself towards  pointless doom?

Only one planet
On which to live

Only one earth
To cultivate and tend

Only so much water
To use as we ought

Only these metals
And minerals to craft

Only this air
To breathe in, breathe out

Only these people
To live with together

Only this time
To act and do right

Only one heart
To beat in my chest

Only one mind
To choose sense from nonsense

Only this life
To share our thoughts

Only this audience
To listen to hear

Only one me
Only one you

Only the us
That we make together

Only one people
Across all these nations

Only this moment
Only this time

These walls
Have endured
The tears
The screams
The cruelty
The terror
The unspeakable brutality
Of our humanity
Gone mad
And become base

They stand
Quietly
Testifying
To a horror
We can barely imagine

Brick
Timber
Iron
Remain
Icy sentinels
Of Auschwitz
Concentration camp

And survivors
Their aged bodies
Tattooed with fading numbers
Walk through the gates
Once again
Supported by grandchildren
Leading them into
The place of oppression

They move forward
Carefully
Quietly
Dignified
Strong
Their arms linked together
As their lungs breathe the winter air

And we are all silenced
By the weight
Of the past

I can't see anyone dancing in the street
I can't see faces painted with smiles
I can't hear the bells of victory ringing
I can’t see street parties being prepared

I don’t feel free from an oppressor
I don’t feel like I’ve entered a new era
In fact I don’t feel anything
When they tell me that we have left

Quietly, uninspiringly
The 'United' Kingdom leaves the European Union
And life continues
In its blundering way

'Our' prime minister is now looking for efficiencies
The promises of the election campaign
Crumbled and forgotten
And we are once more - austerity Britain

I wish I could write a break through poem
I wish I wasn’t so tired
I wish I didn’t have to go to work
To keep the oven fired

I wish I woke up, full of beans
My head devoid of woes
I wish I wore the finest garments
From my head to my ageing toes

I wish I had endless amounts of cash
On which I’d spend and spree
And to keep me looking fit and flash
A spa and jacuzzi

I wish I could jump into Brad Pitt’s shoes
And live his life for a day
But then I’d hop back into mine to see
In which shoes I’d prefer to stay

I wish you could get the things that you want
And let me have my wishes too
If everyone got what everyone wanted
Then what would we all do?

The journey
Of true and meaningful change
Is slow

When you are bound
By a thousand ropes
Accumulated
Through lifetime after lifetime
It can become very difficult to escape

Even though you might remove
One or two ropes of karma
Still you may feel tightly bound
Unable to grow or move forward
At all

But as you continue to remove the ropes
Which have been wound
Around the heart and soul
One snip at a time
Unwinding them
Discarding them

Then one fine day  
You will perceive
That their hold on you
Has Loosened
Slipped away
Disappeared

And the suffering
Has gone
And
Joy
And
Freedom

Remain

Dear delegates
I stand before you
As an altered man

My eyes and ears have been opened
By the courageous voices
Of those people
Young and old
Who have expressed to the world
Without fear of reprisal
The truth of our shared reality

I am humbled and inspired
By the example
Of Greta Thunberg
Who has campaigned for our future
And our planet
Whilst I
Have chosen to deride and ignore
All those people
That I deemed
To be obstacles
To the achievement
Of my own plans

I am so sorry
I was wrong

You see, I wanted to get
The best for my people
And take what I saw
Was the quickest route
By digging up and burning more coal
And investing in more oil
And starting wars when there was no need
But I was wrong
And I am so sorry

I can now see
That our planet cannot cope
With these activities any more

I can no longer deny
That our forests are burning
And that are species are dying
I can no longer deny
The reefs are failing
And the soil is degrading
I can no longer deny
That our very existence is under threat

I have been so wrong
And I apologise

If you will let me
I would ask
Only to serve you
In a new way
In a way that I hope
Will amend the great wrongs
I have allowed and encouraged

For years
I cannot deny
That I have longed for greatness
And now I see
The only way for me to achieve
Some kind of redemption
And meaningful recognition
Is to give my life
For the sake of others
And our planet

I will use my office
To lead my country
As best I can
Into a new era
In which all life is respected
In which clean and green
Replaces oil and dust
In which the waters run pure again
And the air is alive and fresh

We will give our beautiful planet
The love that it needs
So that we can continue to receive
The nourishment and compassion
It offers to us
As your humble servant
I offer my remaining years
To you

I am sitting on a planet
Rotating on its axis
Circling the sun
Whilst flying through space
At incredible speeds

I am composed of 37 trillion cells
Organised in such a way
That I can walk, run
And jump if I want to

I can make my inner thoughts
Known to others
By passing air over my vocal chords
In ways of my choosing

I am composed of billions of atoms
Each of whom is billions of years old
But the thoughts that pass through my mind
Are original and new

And yet
Why is it
That I sometimes feel
I amount
To very little?

Quiet
At home
In love
And loved

We walk
In dazzling sunlight
Under winter blue skies
By returning tide

We cook
We eat
We talk
We rest

I am in love
And loved
And how beautiful
This day is

Yesterday
My inner demons were disturbed
From their slumber

My tired bones
Became vulnerable
My mind, overrun

I fell asleep
Only to be woken
By the 3am voices

'You have got this wrong'
'You have made too many mistakes'
'You won’t get through this'
'You are going to die'


In the pre-dawn hours
I cling to my sleeping wife for comfort
And I whisper to myself
'There is only love'
'Only creativity
Only love'
But still the demons mutter their dark spells
And I start looking outside of myself
For easy answers

Who will fix this for me?
Should I run away
And start somewhere better, easier

And I try to soothe myself
By chanting again
'There is only love, only beauty
I will not let these thoughts dominate
I will banish them
With my love'

Yet, still they are active
Strange as they are
And I guess I have to live with them
Understand them
Before they will quieten
Or disappear

I am a human entity
Made of spectral dust
And I behave in this way
Thanks to my life
And everything within it

And perhaps somehow
In the dark of that night
I grew a little

I understood myself better
I did not crumble
I just waited
And it did end
Eventually
And I did sleep
And I am still alive
Ready to face one more day
To do battle
With my own life
Again

Without questions
There are no answers

Without answers
There are no discussions

Without discussions
There is no exchange

Without exchange
There is no change

Without change
There is stagnation

It begins with a group
Who stand alone
Doing things differently
Calling for change
As if ‘their’ lives
Depended on it

And ‘we’ laugh at ‘them’
Comment on ‘them’
Make cheap jokes about ‘them’
As if ‘they’ are somehow crazy
Or even, *****.

‘They’ continue
Driven by a true cause
A deeper wisdom
A universal truth

And whether ‘we’ realise or not
‘We’ become informed
‘We’ are forced somehow
To change ‘our’ minds
Whether ‘we’ like it or not

And one day
‘We’ encounter ‘their movement’ once more
Active, growing
Pushing for widespread change

And ‘we’ stand
Separately from ‘them’  
Still observing from the safety
Of 'our' intellectual bubble
Analysing ‘them’ as if ‘we’ had some kind
Of journalistic purpose
To understand ‘them’
And 'their' ways

We know that ‘they’ are right
And ‘we’ have been wrong
And yet still ‘we’ stand observing ‘them’
Trying to convince ‘ourselves’ that still
‘They’ are trouble makers
And ‘we’ can find a better way
To change the world

But still ‘we’ know that ‘they’ are right
And eventually ‘we’ can no longer
Justify
Our actions
The guilt becomes too heavy
And our evidence too weak
And ‘we’ become sickened
By what ‘we’ are doing

Until one day
‘We’ step across the threshold
And ‘we’ quietly, weakly, become
Them’
And those who remain in the ‘we’
Become a minority
And age in isolation
Clinging to the mistaken beliefs
Of the past

The hair
Landing on the barber’s shawl
Is white

Sandy and white
Like speckles
Of salt and pepper

How did it get to be
That colour?

How did I get to be…
Old?

I remember Sundays
Sitting in the barber’s chair
Watching blond strands drop
Whilst my father read the paper
Sipping a coffee
Waiting to take me home

And now my hair
Is white

Where does the time go?

I think I have lived well
And I hope I have lived true
So, I don’t mind my age
But sometimes
I am surprised
By the signs of change

Joy
Complete joy
Glowing
Flowing
Pouring
Unhindered

Friends
Unseen for twenty years
Meet

A restaurant
Cold white wine
A magician
Entertaining us
Throughout the evening
Food
Laughter
Tears of laughter

Conversations
And conversations
Two decades
Of each of our lives
Recounted
Processed
Remembered
Recreated
Through our own telling
Around a dinner table
Together

We listened

Commented
Wondered
Gasped
Laughed
Hugged

And then
Almost
As if it had been a dream
We left

Each heading
To different corners of London
To take trains
To remote places
To face the cold night air
And the bright full moon

Old friends
Reunited
After twenty years
Still connected

Still

Connected

Perfectly round
No matter which way you turn me
I hold my shape

Inside of me
I hold the air
And my surface is smooth and curved

I can sway in the breeze
And float on the currents
I can inspire your gasps and your wonderment

Your oohs and aahs
But don’t touch me
Or I will implode

Vanish in a second
Be here
Then not

I will release the air inside me
And will no longer keep
The wider world at bay

I will be gone forever
And it will be
Like I never existed

I am a bubble
And while I am here
I am beautiful

But come close to me
And
Pop

There’s a place
We share
Which is ours
Alone

It exists between us
And it is love

It is the synchronised beat
Of two human hearts

The mix of breath
From earthly lungs

The taste of food
Of which we share

The warmth of bodies
Resting together

The touch of fingers
Entwined and soft

The weight of our troubles
Combined and tough

The lightness of our laughter
Free as birds

The sparkle of smiles
Bright and alert

It is the guide that leads
To a better life

My body slumped today
My eyes puffed up and blurred
My legs began to ache
My mind got in a whirl

I tried some sleep
To burn it off
I tried to rest
But couldn’t
Perhaps a pill
Would **** my ills
Perhaps a pill
Wouldn’t


My head thumped through the day
My bones bumped and swayed
My neck swelled
My shoulders ached
Perhaps some wine would set me straight?
Perhaps some wine
Wouldn’t