Little orange flame
You start out so small:
You are wispy and frail.
You won't stand, nor fall.

The smallest of winds
Contorts you into a dance.
You are so lovely and free;
I see that at first glance.

Slowly you grow,
Your age suits you well.
Now elegant you stand
On despair you won't dwell.

Little orange flame,
So tall and so bright,
Your glow is so pure,
Please put up a fight.

I feel that ripping my heart right out of my chest
would be less painful than this ache.
Right now I just feel defeated;
like I lost a battle I wasn't fighting.

A minute ago, I felt like:
screamingragingyellingshouting
hittingslappingsobbingfighti­ngcrying.
Two minutes ago, I felt:
Hopelessalonedefeatedterrified
mournfulmiserablepassionatem­adangryhopeless.

I put so much forward, and frankly I'm sick of wearing
this fake-*** smile on my face. I'm sick of having to be "okay".
I'm sick of being sick of this; it's supposed to be my job.  
I'm sick of being upset.

I wish I could tell you how I feel;
but I don't want you to get distracted.
Yet you get distracted because I start crying.
I hate myself for that.

I purposely show that I'm upset so you can ask me why.
If you were here, that'd be okay.
But you aren't, and it's not.

I hate when the realization that when you were wrong
smacks you across the face.
It knows where it hurts the most.
And WHAM!

Right now. I feel. Guilty.

*I'm sorry.

How do you ask someone for their attention, when you know they are trying in the first place?

How can you show you're hurt, without having the words to explain?

How can you be madly in love, when you are ocean after ocean apart?

How can you wait patiently, when all you want to do is stand up and scream?

How do you survive when half of your everything is missing?

You climb up on the tightrope of life and hope, pray, believe that for one day, you won't fall.

I've never felt so alone
And I've never felt this cold.
I want to scream and run away,
But I don't have shoes on...

Pillows only know of my pain,
Everyone else gets a smile.
I just want to be held.
But you're 5000 miles away...

*I can't even imagine
What that many miles looks like.

A nightmare is a fear your heart has
when you're fast asleep.
It lurks around the corners:
It wants to play hide and seek.

They can't be taught,
Nor can be tamed.
It slices and dices your sleep,
Yet it simply wants to play.

It knows the game is over
when you wake up in a cold sweat.
Nightmares feed upon the horrors
that you'd rather just forget.

I said I wasn't okay,
(What I change).
You didn't ask why.
That made me cry.

I wasn't surprised,
I won't deny.
I'm used to that choice,
Why bother to use my voice?

I'm not fine,
And I'm not in a lie.
Why bother to hide,
My feelings inside.

You never asked,
Now nobody knows.
The pain in my heart,
Continues to tear me apart.

You're my knight in shining armor, and I'm supposed to be your queen.
Yet when my emotions run rampant, I don't know how to be.
Should I let them shine through, and be envious and green?
Or should I simply smile and say everything's okay?

Truth be told, I'm not telling a lie; I am fine.
I'm taking care of the fort, the pets and myself.
I'm still going to school, and I still have my friends.

"What's wrong?" Might you ask? Well I don't know for myself.
I just know that when the days get short and the nights get long
is the time when I miss you the most.
I miss your hugs and your kisses, I miss our snuggles.
I even miss when we'd fight at the gym.
I just want to lay together and count the stars.
I want to be held when I'm not feeling okay.
I want to know that you'll be here to stay.

I'll be waiting for when you return, though I'd give anything just to hear.
Hear you talk, and hear you laugh. I'd even listen to you snore,
and I'd probably have a blast.
I'd listen to your advice; you always knew what to say.

Say you'll love me, forever and always, and tied and true.
I promise to be yours, because I always and forever love you.