Hey, I knew you when you had frosted-tip hair
When you listened to The Smashing Pumpkins
When you were lazy and carefree
And you copied off of me.

Hey, I knew you when you aimlessly wandered the halls
looking for a vending machine and a quarter
When all you had was a backpack and angst
When your car had no bumper and chipped paint

Hey, I know you
Not as this sniveling, disaffected perfection-pusher
Not as some right-winged orator of damnation
Not as this devouring greedy pencil pusher on a pedestal

I want to go back and show you the new you
You, the coward.

What would the you of then think?

Darrell
Rhymes with barrel
and Christmas carol
and several names
like Cheryl and Meryl

If I was writing a rhyming poem
I'd rhyme your name with "peril"
Not that I'd do it well
But it's better than rhyming it with "sterile"

I could make up nonsense words for rhyming sake
like...larrell and parrell and tarrell
And I could write a poem especially for you
and the impossible to rhyme with "Darrell"

I'll fail miserably at it
But I love you enough to try
Maybe I'll improve on my list of "Darrell" rhymes
and make you as happy as a pie in the sky next to bread made of rye sitting on the plate of a famished guy, tie, buy, cry, lie

Again, I tried.

I want to ball you up
Stick you in my pocket
Keep you there
Denim and warmth
Intermission between sets
Of sticky heavy breathing
Bring you out again for air
And for sneaks of whisky

Mother's creation
That she despises

You
My dearest
Try to Love

Oh darling
Can't you see
My own Mother can't love me

I dream in Grands
Granddaddy longlegs
Grand stand
Grand old Flag
Grand jury
Grand slam
Grand mal seizure
Grand theft auto
Grand canyon

Showering, peeping through the curtain
Waiting for ghosts in striped camp clothing
Waiting for gas
Terror

Back to reality
Me in the rose tiled tub
Music playing
Hot water

Driving, staring at tall trees in the forest
Waiting for smoke to billow above
Waiting for the smell
Eerie

Reality
Three children strapped in
Husband holding leather covered steering wheel
Air Conditioning

This isn't my chosen voyeuristic retreat
Drenched in the ease of today
Still seeing what lurks in the shadows

Stabbers take turns
First mom, then sister
Then sister, then brother
Even when I slide myself off
And hide myself in my life
It still hurts
Words that split my ears
And make me question who, what, where
Even when I shut it out
And smother it with verse
It still hurts
It seems like you all get along so well when I'm your target
I'll be the silence that keeps you all together
A common enemy
I know my place

When you're absent, I'm myself
Perhaps a bit lonelier version
No less fitful and bored
But capable of happiness

When you're here, I'm unbearable
I live for whatever piece I can get
I switch from human to pet
I'm a dog scraping leftovers off of your floor

Living for others is what I do
I'm half-dead when it comes to you
I'm a vicious, thirsty version of me
And you love it

I woke up so early
To rain and darkness
Counting on my fingers how many hours I slept
two, three, four, five, six
Preparing for the mundane day to come
Motivation for the weekend
For work and school to break
For my family to be home with me
I tread thickly through habits
Smoking several dozen cigarettes
4 pots of coffee
I'm the American housewife
I exist to help every one else progress
Searching for purpose
In being the home you come home to
Stagnant for the greater good
There's beauty there

Frozen
Under trees and rocks
I know who you were
You are in my clean crisp columns
Names now
Dates now
Indulgent with all I don't know
One life for every stranger
Here you are a wonder
Only defeated at the last second
Blood on your cheeks
Pinched pink
Finding hope
Here you are
Names on my list
Heroes

I see what you've done
You made me a mother
To take care of a boy

I’m half the girl I was when you met me
I’ve grown up and away from you
And you’ve grown down to me

No funny games today
I have things to get done
Go find someone else to play

Go be the boy that I've been groomed to oversee
And I’ll be here when you’re done
I'll be doing dishes or laundry

I've got surprise for you
I have three children
And you’re not four

Here is the blank space I dread
I am prolific and insightful
In my head
Getting it down on virtual paper
Easier said

Our every thought is drizzled
with tots and children and kids
With a cherry on top of guilt
Wondering how we did

Every move
Always momentous
Should we do this, or this, or this

Smiling to peers
Always friendly
Will accept you with warm regard
We're judged mostly as "mom"

A house as fragrant as pumpkin pie
With pictures on the wall
Something to dust
When we remember to forget who we are