compulsion erupts into desire
molded into empty shame.  
****** desire gone awry,
when all i wanted was
not to feel alone.

                                                         ­                         desire burst into a full on
                                                              ­                    obsession, and the loneliness
                                                      ­                            i tried to fill only gets bigger and
                                                             ­                     bigger.  
                    
                                  A life built on lies only lead to
                                  more shame and guilt.  
                                  It wasn't until I desired to try
                                  something different that I became
                                  free of compulsion.

I  am free.

Alive to live my life,
Moment to moment.

Free to
Run into
Eternity with
Ease and peace.

My eyes are blind
but i can see
all that is i my mind
I see the chilled snow

Know I see the fallen flowers
child by the frost
given them now life lost
but at this year must be so
SPRING I NEED YOU SO.

When I see the Moon
I see but  a friend
patrick show me the moon you have seen.

I would say
if tomorrow is the last Day
it does not explain anything at all

Why are women so beautiful
Why is life so unfair
Why did i grow my hair

only to go bold
only to live what i thought to be a life
only to mean nothing at all

Happy THE end ALL no you put the phone down first
Love you More.

Belly that night fell upon his ****
something he did not want to know
he fell like a brick
imbalanced
himself
to just feel thick like a brick
then BELLY SAID
Ant'T got future
nor would you want me to
so I am going to live here in Rock and Roll.

before i came out of the house today
i bent down put my head between my legs

just the way i roll MAN!

then went out and to day MAN! for the very first time
I gave blood

Turns out i not the fater MAN!

wow result!

I might be getting old
but the one thing i still have
is my happy hippy load

they said it was yesturday
time has gone
time has moved on

not if you are
this man
the happy hippy revolutionary
still just like i am.

little moments break
                              into thousand little
                                                          fragments colliding into
                                                                       space and time

i used to think i was spiritual,
                              when in reality i was really
                                                                 chasing oblivion.

oblivion is bottomless and black,
                               but paradoxically it can be solid earth
                                                      in which i rise out of
                                                                  with the help of LIFE
                                                                              and LOVE.

it's a mystery that
             God does not hate me.  
                             everyday, i choose to
                                                  believe in a God that loves
                                                                                            me for
                                                                                                       me.

i'm no longer that shy awkward kid
that walked this path 10 years ago.

                                                                           maybe a part of me will always be that kind, but today
                                                                           i'm also a man in his 30s walkin' tall.

i used to chase oblivion, because
it's all i knew how to do.                        

                                                                          i embrace peace, even at the price of boredom, and
                                                                          welcome silence even when it means being alone.

my body craves your touch
like i crave a bottle of scotch.

i know that your love is toxic,
but my body yearns to possess you until i see fit.

i know such thoughts lead to oblivion,
and i want to be healthy and whole.

on most days, i desire to be known fully as i am.
i desire for genuine connection,
and not mere obsession.

but somedays, the old crazy needy me comes out.
behind that dark figure lies a lonely boy desiring to be loved,
yearning to be held, and wanting to accepted as he is.

i embrace myself with all my heart,
all of me, the crazy me, the sad little boy,
and me just trying to grow and heal.

i desire to love and be loved.
i am loved.
i will someday be united
with the Beloved.  
Till then, happy trails.

My father was a very good man
he spent most of his time as a printer
and providing for us well
christmas was fab time of year
after he gave up his job
in his later years
he became a
crossing officer
one day my dad came home and said to me
son i have gotten the sack
this i did not believe
although all the signs where there.

The night santa sack burst, for all my friends and poets
and please remember my life is in your hands.

Santa took off that day as he always did
not noticing the stiching of his sack was loose
casting presents as he went even santa did not see them fall
Boys got dolls
Girls got astro toys

Santa got back after a long night, after the eleve told him, put his hands on his head
and said.        OK man sorry that was my bag man.

Have a fab Christmas all and happy holidays from this man whom is called PAUL  ***

Woman don't you know
i will be standing by your side
taking all the **** that comes in
even though, you don't think so
Woman don't you know
i hate doing this, taking all your ****
even though you don't think so
so just grow up and take this **** for YOUR SELF.

LoVe PAul.