I'll wear my scarlet letter
with no shame.
My new given name.
With no one left to blame
but myself.

Some scars are easier to hide.
But both still feel the same.

If only you could love me.
The way,
I would love you.
I wouldn't be sitting here
surrounded by flower petals and false hope.
Alone in my thoughts, I've found the garden to be the loneliest of places.

I've carried your worry
for so long.
I'm starving for ambivalence.

In a dog eat dog world.
There are no winners.

Only cannibals.

My mind is a tornado.
Whipping through my thoughts,
on an endless loop.

Distorting memory and fantasy and blending them together.
In a warm drink of fuckery.

I'm smiling right through you.
With a thousand yard stare.
I'm doing fine.
Just a little manic.

I've dined with snakes of all kinds.
Your cobra doesn't scare me.
Fangs and all.
My stance unshaken.
By your taunts, your threats.
A snapshot of your desperation.
A glimpse at your quest for control.
The epitome of lost causes.
Failure of the heart to produce an ounce of love.
There's no saving you.
And I'm sorry.

We're all just torturing ourselves
for greater social gratification.
For people I do not know or even care about.
Feeling worthless is a popular trend.
And I am exhausted.
I don't want to be social anymore.

I'm playing with your mind games.
But I'm losing every time.
You act like such a monster.
I just want to call you mine.

My love for you is fleeting.
Like sand flowing
to the other side of the hour glass.
Baby, our time's running out.

I've been trying to understand this insanity.
But it's nothing but a losing game for me.
When white is black.
And black is white.
I'm forever searching for a shade of gray.

Using God as an excuse
to stab your Brother in the back
Too cowardly to show your face.
And too stupid to see all the evil unfold.
Evil you supported. .
Thank you for ruining our country.

I'm gathering my thoughts.
Like leaves.
To be raked up and cast away.
Just as our dreams died before us.
In the end, do we even matter?

Mood disorders, the natural defense system.
Of the abundantly emotional.

When did having feelings become such a bad thing?
In a world fixated on bipolar memes and acute anxiety.

End the stigma.
Such a fancy phrase that when push comes to shove.
Most are the stigma posing as the advocate. .

You may laugh now.
But when you're midlife crisis
catches up with you.

How will you react?

Feeling worthless is a popular trend and I'm not even sure I want to sit at the community table.
Comparing apples to oranges gets really ******* old.
These days I'd rather just be alone.
Safe in my thoughts.
Reality is far more rosey over here.