I'm sick of the pain!
There's no f*cking gain!
I can't believe there's a life ahead of me.

It's all the same,
it's all just a game.
And it's as stupid as I could ever be.

I need a way out!
I just need to shout!
But I know that no one will hear my plea.

So what's this about?
I'm jumping the boat.
To die in absolute misery.

Good morning, fly dove
The darkness fled fast
As I held you
Over the whole night

Don't lose your sight, dove
Affix your gaze
And it will mold you
He will fold you
Over a cold fire

Fly dove, fly
Fly to save your life
Fly, love, fly
Fight on through the strife

Tonight, love, goodnight
When all your world is quiet
We'll hide the candle light
My wings are open wide
For all of you tonight

Let the rain fall down,
let it wipe away the pain,
then pick yourself up.

White noise.
It's all that's left now.
The constant thrumming of sound,
washing through my veins,
easing it's way into my mind.
There's no feeling left at all,
Is there?
Because if there is,
I certainly can't find it.

Trapped in my own mind,
the pounding in my ears,
sounds like sand,
sliding through my veins,
weighing me down even more,
than I was before.

Was this even a good idea?
The color of this room drives me crazy.

White.
White walls.
White floor.
White door.
And that stupid fluorescent white light.

That one light keeps looking at me,
it just watches me.
It's constantly reflecting off my pale skin,
prodding it's way through my bright blue eyes,
to poke at the back of my brain.
Why does it have to be so bright?
Why does it have to be so...white.

It's like this entire room was built to watch me fall apart within it.
To constantly reflect my pain upon it's walls.
To beg me to stain it with the colors of my insides.

Red.

Red is what I see.
Hiding my eyes under my hair,
I see red.
The white light is forced to shift it's hue for me,
as I gaze upon it through my spider web of thought.
No one knows what I hide behind my eyes.
No one knows how hard it is to refrain from painting this room.
To cover up the white with red,
and to rid myself of the constant colorless noise.

I’m hated by the world because I won’t sell my soul.
I’m frowned on by society cuz I’m not very old.
My teachers all look down on me, but I do what I’m told.
Because I am a metalhead, I’m always treated cold.

So what if I’m opinionated?
I’m sure that you are too.
There’s things we won’t agree on,
that much I know is true.
But why are you so ******* me?
Cuz I’m not the same as you?
That’s why I have true happiness,
I am not fazed by you.

(Might add to this later.)

To think that I have failed you once again.
It pains me to the core to see you down.
And I’m the reason why you are in pain...
I wish I could destroy what makes you frown.
We’ve held out through the problems these years past.
But once I thought our love had gone to waste.
Though now we’ve come to see our love held fast,
My love for you could never be replaced.
I know that we will always have some times...
When our problems will be too much to bear,
But even if I can’t see through the grime,
I know that you’ll always be there to care.
So even when our lives have passed us by,
I know I’ve always loved you ‘til I died.

Sitting in this empty room.
As I watch the shadows creep to the door.
Sitting on my bed I see,
The bits of dust as they fall to the floor.
Its so unreal how time flies by;
When the sun shines in,
All the shadows die.
And by that time, I'm sitting inside.
Waiting for the moon; My time to abide.

But from the light there's always dark.
And from the truth, theres always a lie.
Beyond the shadows there lies a mark,
Hidden by dust from days gone by.
So now you see; Moonlight so dark,
The shadows that creep,
The dust shall part.
An illuminator that fails to reap.
The Dust, The Sand, The Shadows; they sleep.

In the middle of the night,
The sandman comes 'round.
Perfecting infection,
Yet making no sound.
Spraying your eyes,
With his hellish dust,
Rebirthing your nightmares,
Perfecting your lust.

The daylight creeps in,
As I slowly wake.
The nightmares I had,
Were too much to take.
The Sandman had come,
And the Sandman had gone,
And all he had left,
Was the Dust at Dawn.

I'll always wear a smile,
When you choose to push me down,
I'll always wear a smile,
When you go to let me drown,
I'll always wear a smile,
When I cant stand on my feet,
And I'll always wear a smile,
When I truly face defeat.

Because some people say,
That when you lose it all,
Theres nothing left to live for,
And that drives me up the wall.
Cuz I don't believe its true,
Because I've really had my share,
So what you have to realise,
Is your friends are always there.

Cuz I've been down,
And I've been low,
But I dont think you really know,
Cuz when I ask you what you think,
All you do is ******* blink.

The fights, the lies,
The wins, the ties,
The deaths, The survivals,
The killers, the rivals.
Wheither its fighting off cancer,
Or just a skinned knee,
There's always an answer,
You just need to see.

My band made it far,
Further than the rest,
We won it all,
And passed the test.
But trials soon followed,
When they went to italy,
One of us was killed that day,
That one of us was part of me.

It started on my birthday,
What a great surprise,
I prayed for him that night,
I hope he never dies.
But it looks like I was wrong,
Because when all the months had passed,
My birthday came around again,
And that evil spell was cast.
I wish he had've woken up,
A coma wasnt the way to go,
It would've been less painful,
Had I chose to just let him know.
That night I'll never forget,
That brutal way he died,
He had finally awakened,
When the glass cut through his eyes.
As he tore through the windshield,
And bled out upon the ground,
The car kept going,
Leaving nothing but a sound.

I lost a dear friend that day,
I loved him with my life,
My heart was torn apart you see,
I couldnt stand the fight.
Then eventually it hit me,
And the name just made me cry,
But reflecting back upon this,
I wish I had known why.
So for one year I struggled,
And one year I fought,
For one year I kept my hope,
My heart was so distraught.
But the more I thought,
And the more I listened,
The dreams I had,
Would only glisten.
It was then I realised,
What was going on.
And he was in a better place,
His sufferring was gone.

So when you think you've lost it all,
Just give me a second thought.
When your loved one breaks your heart,
Dont let it all become distraught.
Cuz the more you worry,
The more you doubt,
And the more you lose
To what this life's about.
Cuz I've had it to.
MY heart's still broken.
But the way to live a life,
Is to never stop hopin'.

You sent me a text message today
It had hearts and smiles
and it read the words 'I love you'
I don't think there is an easy way
to say how bad you missed,
    (it was by miles)
I really hated it.

When your name appeared on the screen
my heart sank
and I feared that it would crack
Because sliding open a phone isn't the same thing
as you sliding in the passenger seat
as we tear up the town in that old tank
Reading your name aloud in this quiet place
just doesn't reverberate the same
as it does when it is whispered to your face
and I may have a strong imagination,
but I just can't picture it the same
when I read 'I love you' to myself
because it doesn't sound like it does
when it's uttered from your lips
      with silent concentration

You sent me a text message today
it had hearts and smiles
   ...and I frowned

I realized something today.
I realized that,
no matter how many stupid things you put me though,
we had some good times.
But I admit,
the bad might have out shined the good.
In the end,
I knew I would miss you,
But...
I didn't think I would hate you.
And the truth is,
I really do hate you.

I fought against it for a while,
trying to tell myself,
that you had a justifiable reason,
for doing everything you did.
But you don't.
You never have.
And you never will.
Everything you did to me,
was malevolent,
painful,
abusive,
manipulative,
and traumatizing.
And I wish I could make it all go away,
But I can't.

This is my only escape.

Every time I look at you,
you **** the life straight out of my heart,
and the feeling from my limbs.
It's suddenly harder to breathe,
and my blood starts to boil.
And underneath all of those symptoms,
there's a question.
"Who are you?!"
Who are you...
all I want to know,
is who you are.
Because you're definitely not anything that I recognize.

I realize now,
That I was set up from the very start.
But I'd like to think,
if not for just one second,
that 2 years and 6 months actually meant something to you.
Something more than stringing me along,
because I really can't put my life back together,
knowing that you're just out to mess it up.
And I know you are,
because every single thing you've done,
for the past 10 months,
has been deliberate enough for me to see,
that you're just trying to ruin me.
And you know what?
I try to stop you.
But you just break me down so completely, and,
so,
*******,
easily.

Remember what I said?
About how hard it is for me to even look at you?
Think of how bad it is for me to hear your voice!
Your harmonious voice,
taunting me in melodious tongues,
prodding into my brain,
and planting new seeds of doubt,
where they will no doubt grow and bloom.
One word is all it takes.
It doesn't even have to be towards me,
it just has to be around me.
It flows around me,
as surely as the air flows through my lungs.
And it fills my system with dripping venom.
Constricting,
writhing it's way into my thoughts,
and slowly enveloping my heart.
I don't know how long my heart can stay choked like this.
I need air,
I need freedom,
but most of all,
I need reassurance that I'm going to be okay...

In the end,
I know I'll never get to say any of this to you.
But I'd still like to say it.
You're a pathetic excuse for a human being.
Really.
You're a sadistic, abusive, manipulative, conniving, malevolent...****.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
I wish I could take my years, months, hours and minutes back,
so I could have spent them with who I'm with now.
Because never in my entire life,
have I found someone who makes me smile as easily as he does.
His scent makes my heart flutter,
and his happiness is contagious.
When I'm in his arms,
everything is okay.
But there's still that silent sense of foreboding.
That sense that you're still out there,
destroying the lives of other girls,
like you did mine.

I don't know when I'll heal.
Or when I'll even start to heal.
But now I know the first step.

*I need to accept the fact that I need help.

Darling, you’re fantastic.
I love you,
You know,
And I don’t say that lightly.
On the nights
(Like tonight)
Where sleep doesn’t find me,
I am consumed by you
In lieu of dreaming.

On the days
(Like today)
When I see you, hold you, kiss you,
I’m giddy, dizzy, happy,
And it’s all because of you.
My idiotic grin?
Entirely your fault,
You beautiful creature.

When I write poetry,
(Badly, sloppily,
Freely, openly)
It’s a window to a world
Populated by people
I’d mostly just like to forget.
(Or such is the norm,
But here, we find
The exception.)
But when I create,
When I sculpt, assemble, paint,
You are my muse,
My inspiration.

My cheesy, worn-out, affectionate clichés?
Those are your fault, too,
You marvelous ****.

What I feel for you
Feels like forever
As if there's never been
A time we weren't together

Thousands of years
I've known those eyes
Thousands of tears
For you I've dried

One arm wrapped
Around my body
The other
Holding my hand

The way that
My skin shivers
Is more familiar
Than I can stand

I can't contain myself
Around you
I can't contain myself
Away

I couldn't possibly live
Without you
I couldn't possibly
Repay...

You for all you've
Done for me already
And what you
Promise to,

Spending my life
Giving all my love
Is what I
Plan to do.....