Truth is
I can blame them for breaking my heart
I can scream loudly and tell of  how much I gave
My loyalty, my heart, my love....
Everything my father instilled in me
Though nonsensical, truth is, sometimes the very best is not desired by them
Truth is, signals of disaster went ignored
For the thought of life like the Cleavers
Fairy tale of 50's era love
Blinded by the immediate
Disposed warnings of the past
Miscarrying the trust of my future
All to live in the now
Now, this moment of smiles
This instant where laughter prevails
Exchanges of lured glances
Mine escaping as i'm exposed
Emotions spill over
Secrets, I cannot keep
Excitement at the possibility of him
Weakens the walls
Eventually they  tumble
To reveal what was once hidden
While his...yeah his... counterfeit at best
Simulated exercises
Maybe all to arrive at what lays below my waist
But I sensed....
Thought I saw a glimpse....
Betrayal that's plagued me all my life
Always present though from it I desperately flee
Easier to disregard than to affirm
Warning bells blaring
Managed to convince myself they were bells of the alter
But how can I blame them
When I surrender myself for slaughter
Melting into the arms of a dangerous stranger
Not heeding the voice of my father hopelessly screaming "WAIT"
I lunge into the sea of possibilities
Only to end up carried by currents to the sea of broken pieces
Shards of me destroyed
Truth is my pain is self inflicted
Never has my father not warned before the storm
Force myself to look in the mirror
Truth is..I always knew the truth
It was much more comfortable to live the lie
Truth is
I can blame them for breaking my heart
I can scream loudly and tell of  how much I gave
My loyalty, my heart, my love....
Everything my father instilled in me
Truth is
I bare responsibility for the tears I cry
I stand ashamed and disheartened at my truth revealed

Hoping for the day
I can go back to a time once known
Days of vulnerability
No Great Wall of China surrounding
No fortified fortress to shelter
Just a chasing of "the great love"
Love that surpasses my understanding
The one to whom I would give
Every beat of my heart
High quality passion
Child of my womb
Caution to the wind
The man whose rib I would take to make me

Beauty from within
Wholesome
The one he dreams of
Arriving to sustain
Not to drain
Be the
Foundation upon which he builds
Arms that catch every fall
Strength in moments of weakness
Steadfast in the midst of desertion
Lips to give the kiss of appreciation

Though now faltering
Hands stretched out to keep my personal space
Revoked invitations to enter
Shoving back those who dare advance
Walls of steel with barbed wire
I use
To protect me.....
My sanity
My heart from your ache
My eyes from your gift of tears
Knees shielded from weakness
Don’t hit the ground in agony of loss
Loss of one still alive
Though chooses to be dead...
To me

Wanting to love again
Unaware of how
To let in
Anyone to try
I must confess
I'm scared

No need to say a word,
it's morning in the country,
leave the chirping for the birds.

Lay your precious head,
against my caring arm,
be silent now instead,
let me keep you safe from harm.

Each day I get to hear you,
speaking merrily to me,
I treasure all you say and do,
that lends a tender mystery.

So, take your words and tuck them,
deep inside your caring heart,
your eyes say everything they can,
and that's a wonderful way to start.

...sitting here
across from me again
(in my mind's wishful eye),
sipping coffee together,
light talk, some danish,
and an omelette, too
(i made it the way you like it,
just for you),
happy to be here
as the flaming
sunstreak rise lights up
the tender tips of the flowers
outside the window,
i fingertip-kiss your lips,
as the morning bird
breaks into song,
waking up the world,
whilst you and i
carry on
and your eyes
reflect the new day's skies,
it's nice, it's nice
to see you...

I spy,
the morning mist, outside
the window that is not mine,
rising from the river,
sunshine tries to sneak through a sliver,
I, with thoughts only
here and now
for thee,
you
my new and gentle mystery,
who came to me on a silver stream,
made subject for my pen,
my dreams,
and this misty morning,
where I wish to be,
across from you
smiling back at me.

today you took me by surprise,
bright smile, dancing eyes,
loosened the noose on yet another lonely day,
wherein the depths of these shadows I do lay,
again, you came a-light,
golden skin, heart a-flight,
taking the time to share some of your life with me,
the very essence of your softly sweet vitality,
beauty, you breathe the skies,
today you took me by surprise

Indian summer has now arrived,
riding high on its blue-saddled sky,
of mixed coloured clouds of bold tie-dye,
bright, ripe days and crispy-clear nights,
reaching the ****** of the season's delight.

September soon will enter the room,
leaves will tremble at their impending doom,
lovers shall stroll down lanes two-by-two,
sharing softly whispers of "I love you."

Our story is story
that is everlasting
story that will last
forever. Our love
is a love that will
never end. We are
like the ying and
yang of love. My
love.

Love is a dance
that is danced
untill the lovers
can't love anymore.

May 1999, on my way to school on day I saw you I wanted to be with you. On the way home, I saw you again. I saw you most days.

    By June, I realised you went to our school. I felt like I knew you, but I'd never talked to you.

     In September, you were in my class. I flet a rush of hope that I finally talk to you.

      In October, I did finally talk to you. Because of a science project. Your name was Mike and you were a wiz in class.

      By January 2000, we were good friends and did a lot of projects toghther.

       At the end of June, I had changed schools. I realised that I can't live without you.