selfishness in misery
my ribs are breaking
and I can't breathe

my arms are beginning to freeze
my tongue, too numb to speak
my arteries and intestines speared with anxiety

I will keep saying I'll never stop this
Twenty years
I've tried
accounting for all the broken notches of my spine
twenty years
I've cried, or tried to
twenty years
the most important part is the part where you give up
give up
give up

do your work

this morning
was like every other
routine
work and drool
come home

dig holes for burial in the backyard
I dug up my dog
we buried her when I was younger
I found where my father filled in the old swimming pool
tore my fingers to bone and
filled the old hole with water
and drowned properly

being me is not as easy as you'd think it should be

this will never change

I hope you have a nice day

for every piece you took
I took a bit more
for every time you looked
I laughed a bit harder
for every time you cried
I dug your hole deeper

sweet dreams

I sleep with their words all around me
a cacophony of the sick
I look at you to save me
and I don't know why

I am beyond saving

if its in front of you push it down
if it irritates you throw it away or

numb!
numb!
numb after all

dead leaves turn the forest to rust
we all go there in the end
everyone loves you when you're dead

give me another one
to rectify
to resolve
or to destroy
on certain terms
at certain times

this I know for certain
I am never alone

make a coffin for me
out of masking tape and wooden planks
float me down the river
like your savior like your savior like only your savior could

don't let your insides go bad

this is for dead cavalry
this is for fodder with no available cannon
this is for water underground

this is for children
this is for adults
this is for everyone

this is for those wounded
but weaving a web of past sorrows through their teardrops
this is for those on the ground
who will never hope to get up

everything is right beside you
at the same time nothing is

the truth is your personal pounding and merciless journey  
once you go you cannot return
and you'll be gone for a long, long time
don't you worry
I am always with you

the devil retrieves it with a smile
he comes from under your bed
and it will never come back to you

everything comes apart
if we are all tied to the same cloth
then its time we realize that the cloth is wearing thin
what you need is some time in bad places

poison to poison
body to body
string to blade

to break