Humble beginnings gave me sloppy seconds initially until I fought for mine. Put my life on the line to put food on the table for you. The **** end of the stick had us wishing for the silver spoon but it was tougher to squash the beef with it cause when I had enough to keep me comfortable in the past, I was more greedy but ended up broke as dirt and couldn't even afford plastic forks and knives. What's a father to do when he can't enjoy his meal? I had to make forks from clay and learn pottery, at least now I'm very good at working with my hands so still I ask for no handouts. Hand me that W.

How an inferiority complex makes an abundance mentality complicated? I move around to different places searching for that place to call home. Value was misunderstood, worth taken for granted, willing to accept anything that comes your way whether positive or negative. I feel my move to Houston was the best decision I made in years, the life that became all too familiar had me not recognize myself or the struggle I was feeling anymore. I was running in circles around Dallas, dizzy on Loop 12. A stranger to even the simplest things that used to make me laugh but I find when I reached the coast in Galveston, I smiled without much reason or stimulation. All I knew is that clarity is something my gut feeling told me I would find here, so now I participate as a team player and place things bigger than myself. I find that the inferiority complex finds something superior to set my mind on that I never tried since high school, teamwork, except it's not forced by outside forces this time. I still have to run that extra mile and though I've stressed how much teamwork has benefited me before when not putting so much on my back, what's in front of me is an obstacle GOD is testing only me to overcome. My struggle is unique to me from others but it could be summarized easily, trouble and suffering I became addicted too. Bigger things are coming but for now I have to put my head down and work towards it, instead of trying to put my head up and talk my way out of the uncertainty like I know everything. I'm certain that with that, anxiety will diminish, and it'll keep me from making abundance so complicated because naturally it will prevail and become my truth, the truth is what it is, you gotta look no further, overthinking ceases, and people know what's up.

My thought process,
thoughtful, insightful, granted, it's predictable, unpredictable when taken for granted,
racing, pacing itself to get nowhere fast, upon finishing, it's silent after losing train of thought,
annoying, maddening, out of body like, needed, adored, and calming with logic to bring back perspective to make me comfortable in my skin,
what an idea.

Words follow silence. Silence follows words. Words follow one another as numbers follows the other. Words can speak of silence, and silence gives us room to observe those words. Words can say a lot the less they're spoken; or sound vague, a lot of words said can be misunderstood; or sound vivid, both ways could be taken for granted. I admired you through silence and didn't want to be anywhere else. I cursed you out through my words and rushed you to get me to work. I told you that I love you for the first time since marrying you. I chose not to talk to you when you wanted me to and needed me to. Silence proves words mean nothing though words can make something out of nothing and allow communication to exist to help most understand why or how they mean nothing. I require detail when too little is said, but I get the main idea. Silence gave me space to find that the devil was in the details in those few words said when I read between the lines. I adore rappers that are the greatest storytellers, the words of other rappers gets lost in the mix, but both can have a problem with repeating themselves. I either know nothing about them or back at square one and a lot is to be desired. At the end of the day it's stupid to question silence, I already know what it is except I hate to accept it sometimes. Words can't explain it though they can speak of it, the only thing I'm left with is the space between my thoughts about it and the space that I'm left with when all is said and done. It's Silence, I was aware of it when I was silent but I used words to help it sound more interesting. I love them both in this collection of words that may be lost or understood, I call it the lost tapes, found at your leisure, enter or exit at your leisure, think it's the **** or not the ****, think I talk a lot of ****, or ain't saying **** at all. Everybody's **** stinks and this has me written all over it.

forecasted to hit
mother earth dead in the face
father shed his wrath.

My security blanket of calling 911 got destroyed in the burning bed in which I lay my dreams down of serving and protecting people ungrateful and simply don't deserve my services. They only call me when **** ***** them up and it's them that wish to be saved. Such silly hoes. They don't want to be saved. Can't turn hoes into housewives but I learned wherever there's feelings a *** does exist, even in me cause now I'm on some *** **** with this passive aggressive ****, and until you wish to come back to this burning bed with me and see what started it to fully reconcile, it won't rain 40 days and 40 nights to fully wash out that demon and turn this bed into a waterbed. GOD isn't the typical firefighter, he won't save us from our **** ups if we don't want to be saved, we'll lead our newborns into a burning house as long as there is no happy home. GOD was knocking on our door which is our heart but represents the mind caught in sin, mind over matter, grow up and confess your sins, his ladder stretches to infinity, anything is possible, his vehicle is equipped with anything, he can save us anytime, but you gotta answer his call so he can lead you out this hell hole. And maybe I'll consider rejoining the crew, not as a captain save a **', but it's my purpose to help the people, it was a part of me that burned on that bed but with a little CPR, I could revive it to be stronger than it was before, cause now it's thankful that it lives again.

Tell me the truth about how my lively spirit gave you life again and was something to live for, lie to me about how you love me to death and shall death do us part, my life was something to die for, we're together but alone in this, enjoy and indulge in our affairs with growth that feels it lasts forever, till the truth strikes us both to see things clearly, take it serious but don't regret our last moments, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, darkness never lasts eternity, open eyes sense reality when the speed of light constricts the pupils to the simplicity of truth, I know you know it's true because your pupils dilate in our deep conversation, allowing me to see the intimacy through the windows to your soul as simple as love causes us to see things differently than before, die with the truth that our energies could never last a moment apart from one another; put your life on it.

I slept on sleepwalking, woke conscious people can't stand to absorb the vibrations of folks who's mind is tweaked off the twilight zone, at supper time it's a wake up call that it's bed time soon, solar eclipses brought the halo effect, daylight savings time causes us to fall into the habit of taking advantage of the night as the new early morning though summer was my season of love; I had nightcaps at women's houses, my baby making time to **** and call it a day, holiday season, I was greedy but valued giving more as the world turns, becoming a grown man woke for my kids, they stay sharp from rest from the stress of this ever changing day and night, people of the world, I married venus as the man on the moon on cloud nine, haters say I'm from Mars, I'm one with the Universe!

Sometimes it feels as if you're forced to run through quicksand, it's deeply quickly tiring, quicker than it takes sand to fall out of your hands, unpleasant enough to have you second guess going to the beach allowing sand to run between your toes, it's resistance in it's most blatant form, more obvious than a smack to the face, more abrasive than the sandpaper like tough skin I drowned in tattoos that signaled tolerance and triumph over the toughest people I ever knew, but I slept on the Sandman and now I must somewhat not panic to this unfamiliar face in the face of this probably being my worst nightmare; them tattoos ain't **** for him to dispose of; I might be rich as the soil, able to house and produce much fruit from my works and be able to maintain it, but the sand wants a piece of it too and will devour it whole and be poor again fore the sand even reaches the bottom of this hourglass; time will tell how I respond.

Looking for the silver lining struck gold around the time the new year arrived with a new resolution that I will rush towards profiting prolifically, unapologetically, though not a copper thief this time. I take back the setbacks I placed many in cause now I find with greater power comes more responsibility to respond to. The midas touch I may possess but turning water into wine is my greatest aspiration that trumps any means of charisma I felt I had to flaunt. I attended a ball one night and felt that I was ready for the world but got anxious when the first challenge presented itself to feel honored to give the world to the President's daughter. I feel treated like a stepchild now plus I feel resentment towards my father figure, Mr.Washington who influenced me to think I never had enough to start with. So as I came with what I had, my resolution became infamous as the epic fail though I was great enough to find a place in the library of congress, take that father!

Daily
Increase
Steady
Solace
Involving
Practice
Allaying
The
Ego

Simply put, as honest as this story is, I'd be a lie if I told you that this was easy to illustrate, partly due to memory, partly due to insecurity, I pick my poison to be mixed, play with fire cause I heal quickly but love to only **** with slow burn gars keeping years on my life though it poses a risk of suffering more. So recently I put down the grass and spend my time in the desert, plus this food desert helps with my other habit of bloating off dessert. So this detox has re-upped my openness to be a minimalist only for a while, abstinence is exercise also. I'm quicker to identify the things that **** you slowly, living and preparing for the future where our inventions might live faster than we do. I hope I'm wrong, at least I'm honest. I'd be a lie if I already said I was right, a little humility gave me the insight to see that lies come back to you in the future, and right now can dictate tomorrow. Can you see where I'm coming from? Can you see it?