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 Jan 22
LaCayla
I guess,
that I gotta live up to what people expect of me.
But what would that do?
I'm so confused.
I mean,
I guess I gotta try.
To do just that.
But what would that do?
It makes me just like everyone else.
***,
Right here.
Right now.
I have the chance to live up to what's expected of me.
But what would that do?
I'm so confused.
I try.
I try so hard.
To do what people expect of me.
But what has that done?
...To me?
I mean,
I'm living up,
to what they say is right,
and try no to do what's wrong.
But what has that done?
...To me?
I got the words down on this paper.
Even though they're not that clear
And every time I try to explain,
the just push it away
Nut what has that done?
...To me?
I guess,
I'll go with the flow
And let others write my story
But what would that do?
And What has that done?
...To me?
Just look and you'll see
I'm very different
Comparing, you to me?
And what has that done?
...To me?
It's changed me...
Just look and you'll see...
What it's done to me.
 Oct 2018
LaCayla
You slow down your breathing,
For the demons might here.
You rock back and fourth,
Silently sobbing,
for this takes your fear.

You feel so confused,
And you don't understand.
You close your eyes,
And your thoughts come alive.

You can hear the waves,
Though they aren't really there,
But they cover up the sound of your
Living,
Beating,
Strong,
Strong heart.

Your strokes are your spirit,
Fighting against the current,
Fighting to get to land,
And fighting,
Just to show you can.

You near closer to land,
But then the waves pull you back into the dark ocean,
And as it drowns your thoughts in the water,
You open your eyes,
and the sound of the ocean starts to slowly disappear.
You take a breath,
A deep breath,
And you can still taste the salty water on your lips.

You wipe your face when you notice that it was your tears,
The tears that drenched your shirt.

With your back against the cold concrete wall,
Your thighs pressed against your chest,
Your arms wrapped tightly around your legs,
And your hands clenched at your ankles,
You're in a warm little ball.

Your forehead rests upon your knees,
And your breath is settling as it circulates itself in and out of the openings of the little ball that you tied yourself into.

With no way of escape,

You slow down your breathing,
For the demons might here.
You rock back and fourth,
Silently sobbing,
For this takes your fear.
 Oct 2018
LaCayla
Never mind reality.
It doesn't matter anymore.
The words come through one ear and go left...no....right through the other.

When they tell me that I should listen,
I close my eyes and cry.
I can't understand it,
so I lean against the wall with my head in my hands.

It never freaking works for me.
They tell you to ask for help,
but when I scream in agony,
no one cares enough to listen.

They tell you that they care,
but why ask for help if they're not willing to Listen!
Sometimes I don't want to be here,
but then I think of how it would hurt my loved ones.

You may just be thinking...
No one loves me.

Well think about your teachers,
think about your friends,
think about your brothers and your sisters,
and how they would feel if your were no longer here.

Now what if your baby brother,
was found out on the street,
What if your little precious baby sister,
was found in a pool of blood,
and what if your own dying mother,
took her breath just one day early.

How would you feel?
I can't think enough,
so I choose not to give up.
I love my friends and family,
but sometimes they dig right into my bones.
Sometimes I just want to be the one found out on the bathroom floor,
and sometimes I just want to be found out on the Ocean Shore.

— The End —