I call out
Not to disturb the quiet
But to give some substance
To the expanse
My voice.
She will return to me
Though not as she once was
And not the same as she left
For time will change her
Give her depth
Oh that she will teach me
All that has been sewn into her

the fall has come
and the harvest shall soon be here
all this change, still I am reminded
of but one thing
of how you reap among the world
looking for the turmoil in quiet souls
so you can start their thrashing about
you thresh peace
and beat her into the floor
as though she was naught
but a nail come loose from the floorboards

I just want to be alone
In a field
Beneath the boughs
Of a weeping willow
It may be sunny or the sky cast over
But I will shut my eyes from the world just the same

You've told me
That I always have the right words to say
But I wish I knew
The right things to do
When I feel you falling apart
You heart
That is so big, breaking into millions of pieces that don't just shatter on the floor,
But are stomped on
And crushed into dust that is blown among the aching you have felt for so long

I have given you hugs.
I have held you.
There has never been a time where I could ever want to let you go
Because one embrace can mean everything when your whole world is falling apart
I know we make things 'better' for each other
But I pray to God that one day you will taste the sunshine
That you will have a 'best'
It seems we take one step forward and then just as quickly
We are dragged back by the same hands we thought we had made our way free of
This is life
She is bitter
And sweet
But we could not taste one without the other
sigh

To feel your heart break
Oh, that is one thing
But to watch the world break the heart of an angel
Oh, that is far worse
I wish I could kiss all your pain away
As easily as one wipes a tear
The heart of God grieves for you
Even now as I feel for you
Because everything you are
Even in your abundant brokenness
Is beautiful
And I will love you in all things
And through all things
For are not the stars in the sky
Scars made by the birth of the world
Still we look to them
As if they are the light in the eyes of those we love

You made me think it was okay to keep going
Even if it didn't get  better
Even if I didn't do better
That somehow my something was enough
It was because you gave your all
Even though you thought it was so little
That I wanted to give everything
So that we could give so much together
Like oxen pulling at a yoke

And maybe that is not much to you
Or even to anyone else
But it was hope to me
And it has changed everything

In a way
You taught me how to love
To be kind
Because you showed me kindness
When I found myself less than deserving
God bless you for such my friend

I hate the way you know me
Because a child dancing in the street cares more about my heart that you would ever dare

You have let Life teach you what it is to live by the light of the moon - when she had no daylight to give you
Though often those who have lived these lives
Have let their kindness be robbed of them
And their joy lay stagnant like pools of water
Such are you to drink daily of the cup that overflows
So such your spirit quenches
And she will know no drought

I have lived a whole lifetime today
and I think that is why it took kissing you drunk too learn how to love you sober

I have no peace in me tonight
I have waged this war against all my days
It wearies me as never before
I fight with words
Yet you have lain such a seige against me
With the fire licking flames from off your tongue
My gates, they will not hold
I will succumb to the fire and she will burn me up from the inside
As if I were made of dry kindling and oil

The thought of smoke fills my lungs
I bite the back of a cigarette like it was a shell between my teeth
She tastes of death and the promise of hope
It is just a thought
Yet it eats away at me as if it were a famine

Still there is no peace to be found
Not in the palm of either of these fists
Or in the dreams that will pass through my sheets tonight
Oh that you would find a quiet thought that I could hold
To change the way the world creeps into my mind while I sleep

No peace for me tonight

You were the kind to look through the pockets of the dead for loose change
So it was no surprise to me when I felt your hands on my body even as it was still warm

You were born from your mother's religion of peace
You came from your father's belief of war
With a rosary in your hand for your sins
And a bullet clenched between your teeth to remind you of both strength and weakness
Every battle you fight with your hands is nothing
Compared to the war you wage against yourself

It was the worst being with you
Even near you


Still I feel like I got off easy

My soul and my words
Each to live their own life
Yet in the end
My body shall sleep in one coffin