I balance myself
   so delicately
on haves and have-nots.

"What do I have that you do not?"
      this gives me life; purpose.
I have done what you lack.

"What have you done that I have not?"
       and suddenly the world falls beneath my feet.
I am not so good as you anymore.

I balance myself
   so delicately
on haves and have-nots.

I wish I could knit you a blanket
Of all the words you deserve to hear
The words that should never enter your ears would roll off like rain on a rooftop.

Unfortunately your kindness is so pervasive that you’ve left your sunroof open.

I wish I could knit you a blanket
Of all the warmth you deserve to retain
The cold of the outside world would melt away like ice in the sunshine.

Unfortunately your heart is so forgiving that you forgot to turn down the A/C.

I wish I could knit you a blanket
Of all the happiness you deserve to receive
The cruelty of others would dissipate like breath in a mirror.

Unfortunately your mind is so compassionate that you have forgotten to take care of yourself.

I wish I could do for you what you do for so many. You take away the sting of harsh words, you weather the cold so that we may not have to, you face the cruelty so the cruel can feel comforted.

Your heart is gold, and I cannot knit you a blanket.

But perhaps we can share the warmth of a quilt just a little too big, and someday you can tell the sky the words you wish you hadn’t heard and let the trees drink in the cold air and give you back happiness, and sunshine, and a world just as it should be.

Until then, I’ll be waiting, with ears for listening and hands for warming and a heart for smiling.

With a quilt just a little too big for one.

hey!

i dont know what im doing actually
im 17
im stressed sometimes but a lot of things make me happy
do i have to know what i want to do already?

im excited for the future
but it also scares me a lot
isnt it crazy how people are just a bunch of contradictions?

isnt that word weird?
a contradiction shouldnt work
so if people work and they are full of contradictions
are they really contradictions?

or do the people really work?
as people, i mean
i dont know

it can be pretty wild man
theres a lot i dont know
sometimes i worry
do i know less than everybody around me?

i know more in some areas
but probably in fewer areas than they do
im so impressed at the ability of humanity to know so much

but we also dont know that much
we make a lot of mistakes
i make a lot of mistakes
so maybe

maybe humanity is just 17

maybe humanity has as many questions as i do.

Red light cast on the side of a hotel
City colors bleed together
Crimson stoplights wail until their throats burn

Red light covers my hands when I write
Cars slice through the summer night
Rouge flushes her cheeks so that she looks alive

Red light shows hollows under your eyes
Chitchat cuts through urban soundscapes
Veins of traffic light up the dark with a golden pulse

Red light reveals the emptied sidewalk
Breaks pierce the air in shared cacophony
The heartbeat of the city spills into a cold and cadaverous evening.

I’m not a pessimist.

But I hear the drumbeat of inadequacy
Keeping time to the echoed songs of a forgotten world.

I’m not a pessimist.

But I feel the bass of a billion irregular heartbeats
Ticking to to the sound of a broken clock.

I’m not a pessimist.

But I see the angry smashing of waves on skin
Crashing with the clicks of a slowing metronome.

I’m not a pessimist.

But I smell the metallic scent of a broken machine
Grinding to a halt while the societal dance speeds up its pace.

I’m not a pessimist.

But I taste the bitterness of infinite gray nowheres
Drifting endlessly while the band plays on.

Here I sit, trapped in a tunnel

Or maybe I am walking, prodded unkindly by the hands of those behind me,

Pulled forward by the wrists of those who came before,

Stuck in a game of tug-of-war where I hope to resist but I can only give in,

I fear that I will never win,

And the end of this tunnel is so far away,

I do not know if I can make it another day.

So here I sit, trapped in my tunnel.

I                                          enough.
  don’t                        good
          care              are
                for     you
                    now