I used to be from California 
and did as the romans did 
used to stick my head out the window 
in the afternoon listening 
to music my grandparents
taught me how to love 
with a four o' clock sun 
on my skinny legs in the car 
but the sun was never too hot
on the youth of my skin
sticky jacaranda blossoms 
used to stick to the soles
of my shoes
like hope used to
stick to my eyelids
and I dreamt of one day 
becoming a giant 

used to live in California 
and I fed my head 
with books and words 
fed my soul
filled my whole world
with dreams and friends
I loved a boy
as only children do 
we spoke the same language 
read the same books
laughed at the same jokes
but we mostly did a lot of 
passing notes
talking on the phone

I had to leave California 
when I didn't know what leaving meant 
when I thought maybe
nothing would change
the sky changed 
the language changed 
and the people changed 
let go of some dreams 
then drew up new ones 
and I grew to love 
learned to love
a place I hated 
for being so **** far away 
from where I wanted to be
but mostly 
the people I wanted to be with

I still say I grew up in California
I name it home like a distant constellation 
hope I can get on a space craft one day 
land in a place that seems as far as Mars
and ride home in my grandparent's van
to a house I know no longer exists 
have the same golden sun on my face 
that lit up my childhood
hear the music on the radio 
like driving somewhere where you know
you'll be safe and warm

he lives in California
and he still asks me 
when I'll come home and I want to say 
that I'll be at his house in ten minutes
or that he can pick me up at three
but I learned to love him deeply
we measure it in years and miles
and regret no pain

I can't put my life in a jar and label it
from neither here nor there
now I speak no language
now I know no home 
save for this distant star
I continue chasing

in the depth of the woods
like the depths of the sea
where words roll off tongues
and run through the trees;
the skirt of the mountain
where we are free
I sat next to you
with you holding me

of the waves in the air
a bright sun on our clothes
this golden knot of our hands
the golden love that is yours
a loving edge to your voice
to hear its sweetness once more!
the girl you love by your side
where she stays, and never goes

in our home, in the woods
where we dream, where we sleep
this house that is the sky
the earth and the trees;
where the sun warms us both
with no schedule, no time
where I am irrevocably yours
and you unconditionally mine

in the heart of the woods
and the heart of our souls
the ageless, the timeless
ancient love from our cores
this golden place where we sit
we sit still, we sit free;
where I always love you
and you always love me

(21-22, April 2015)

for the ones we didn’t share
held in your palm,
on your fingers,
the storm and the calm

for the time spent alone,
feet planted firmly on the ground
in mirages and images that crumbled
without warning, without sound

for the moments you waited
for an ear or for a mouth
a tooth to stay equal
a group heading south

for the time you spent in anger
and did not make better use of your skill
for the times they made you smaller
or spoke of you ill …

for the tears you shed in heaven
and the ones you gave in hell
for the time I didn’t hold your hand
for the years I wasn’t there