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 Sep 2017
Qynn
if I had a penny
for every time you crossed my mind,
god,
i'd be so ******* rich.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
Most nights I put myself to bed alone.
I smoke til I'm dizzy and I tuck myself in.
I wait for the opening of my door -
The creak of the bedroom floor -
but I fall unconscious
far beyond the point where you finally join me.

And some nights I feel you pull me close.
And you whisper "I'm sorry".

I cherish the few moments I have with you
As brief and as warm as they are,
they are fleeting.
But my love for you is not.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
You don't love me.
I feel it when you roll over at night,
too uncomfortable to hold me in your sleep.

I feel it in the cold, idle status of "read" messages -
seen for hours, but never answered.

I feel it in your chosen decision to say
any other combination of words
when I tell you that I love you.

I feel it in your decided silence.

I feel it in your chosen absence.

Maybe you did love me once,
but not anymore.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
I will love you
No matter how many times
The only response I get
to my heartfelt words
is your silence.

No matter how many times
you roll over
when I ask you to hold me.

No matter how often I present you with little gifts
because they made me think of you
and you leave them
to collect dust on a shelf.

I will love you
No matter how many times
you choose your friends over me.
 
No matter how many late nights pile up.

No matter how many times
I will have to cry myself to sleep
alone

yes,
I will love you.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
It feels like an eternity
since the last time I tried to get you to talk.
I've stopped messaging you.
I don't bother trying to start
or hold
any conversation with you
anymore.

There is no point.
The words are empty,
but my heart is full.

So full it hurts.

I wonder, every second of every day
if you miss me
the way that I miss you.

Horribly.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
Everything I am is too much.
I am an assault to the senses,
and no longer do I dare
to brush against your heart
for fear of an allergic reaction.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
I remember the first time you put your hands on me.
I remember feeling the fire in your heart,
and tasting desire on your tongue.
I remember the way it felt to lay against you
and how perfectly our bodies seemed to fit together.
It was like we were hand crafted for one another.

do you remember?

And then, slowly
but ever certain
the fire bled out until it was but an ember -
barely glowing among the ash.

I'm so cold now.
Your body used to keep me warm.
Your breath kept my heart beating.

But now, I am alone
and I am cold
and all I have left to keep my heart humming
are these bittersweet memories
of honeymoon passion
played over and over again in my head.

like your favorite **** star on repeat.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
where you have neglected to look
there I will be
hands clasped, waiting patiently
for a hug or a kiss
maybe even a smile to grace your lips.

I will wait for you to call me back
into your heart -

so that I will no longer wither
alone
and apart from you.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
You are my hologram
a beacon of light and life
always present, but never mine
to touch or taste.

And somehow still, I can remember
your sweat on my pillow
and how you tasted - every bit of you
every night for months.

It felt like years.

The feel of your breath upon my neck
as you panted in my ear.

I still hold the memory
of us in bed together
so very dear.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
There is nothing about me that is as delectable
as your hordes of ******.

I'm sorry that my belly jiggles more than my ***.

I'm sorry that I don't have the time or money
to spend on looking like a ****.

I'm sorry that I'm not even worth getting blow jobs from any more.

I wish I was even worth kissing.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
Some days I'm okay with sitting at a desk
staring at a computer for hours on end.

Other days it's a ******* nightmare
because I have nowhere to run
when I suddenly remember how you broke
every promise you ever made.

If I could only be stronger -
shrug off the hurt
and tell myself that if I matter
so little to you,
so you should be worth nothing to me too.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
Money can't buy you love,
but it can buy a smile.
That's about as good as it'll get
between you and I.
 Sep 2017
Qynn
All my life I have been obsessed with the idea of being in love. The thought that if I gave my heart, my soul, my entire being to someone, that I would be repaid in kind. That the sweet nothings, whispered so much, would buzz on for days in my heart. That my mouth would be so often kissed, my lips would bleed. My body would ache from how often I would let my lover have me.

What a dream.

This fairy tale *******.
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