A sadness fills the empty space
An open, gaping hole, I thought I had left.
The needles ***** at my lungs like icewind on a winter morning
As I try to breathe you in.
You hurt me so badly.
Oh god, I want you.

And I thought I was okay before I met you.

A sadness fills my aching heart
A terrible love I thought I had cured.
Your fingertips send me love through the air, keystrokes and despair
And what wouldn't I do to fly to you?
Cutting wings -
I love you so much, I am so sorry.

I just can't.

A deconstruction begins
A creation I thought I had adored.
My mangled heart clings to you.
My blood is on your hands.

I plead my soiled love, youth, and blood

it is not my fault.

I write too many "I ams"
I I I
me me me
and yet, I'm trying to talk about you.
The way you make me feel when I am all alone
wrapped in blankets and thoughts
sometimes music, sometimes not
mostly your prerecorded thoughts on repeat before I go to sleep.

And look at me now.
Trying to write pretty "poetry"
to appease the goddess in my mind.
your face and your hair are one in her
one in the same in my happiness and pain.

I want to sing to you every night
and scream your sorrows away
oh my god, how I would fight for you
but my tears are pointless today.
I'm not really your type.

So.
What's my narcissistic word count for this one?
How selfish am I in longing
for the gold I could spin from your hair
and like a dragon I would hoard you
my gem, my crown jewel
and selfishly keep you away.

Life is short.  It is fast and unforgiving.  
And in the time that we are given
- the time we are allotted to spend here on this planet -
we don't ask nearly enough questions.

No, not "who where why when how".

Questions that matter.

Will it rain tomorrow?
What's your name?
The first two things I said to your face.

We were younger then, and I didn't know that in a month's time
I would be asking you much more important things.

Like your favourite colour.
The songs that lift your spirits.
If I could be someone, anyone, to you.

And now.
We are where we are.
You have become to much more to me than I had ever dreamed,
and, as you had told me, time and time again, I to you.

Life is short, so I want you to know that I love you.
I love you more than "I love you" could ever say.

Life is fast, and I want to make these memories
-however virtual and electronic they may be -
last.

And life, above all, is unforgiving.
I will never be able to tell you what I want you to know.

I'm not so sure anymore that I will do anything worthwhile with the time I am given.
After all...
What kind of time would I be spending without you?

I dreamt of you again last night.
Your smile took me back in time to the enchanted lands.

Awake in the forest,
With eyes sewn shut.

I'll never forget the freedom you gave me
And forced me to feel.

Swimming through shark-infested waters
I clung to the hope that I could be happy.

But god has his ways.
And in the garden of love I had gotten lost in,
I found monsters.

They ripped me away from you
From our provinces.

Now our memories, once beloved
Are feral, rabid ghosts.

It's the little things that keep you in love with someone.

Your concern for the frizziness of your hair after it rains.

The way you lick and then purse your lips after a laugh.

How you suddenly wake up at 4 am and rustle in bed - then roll over and take me tight in your arms.

Begging like a child for an afternoon snack, no one can take care of you better than I.

The way you tilt your head down, gazing just above your glasses, to focus on something.

The way your belly moves when we have ***.

Yes, it's the little things.

Sometimes I peel up my skin
Just to see if there is anything inside worth loving.
I'm so ugly on top. If I was pretty you'd look at me when we make love.
If I was beautiful I would have been enough.

Im allergic to certain metals.
When I wear them they make my skin crack and bleed.
Like how you did to me. Creating canyons in me, to dive to my heart for the ****.
But you were blind like I was deaf.

My skin isn't perfect.
It isn't smooth.
Its too dry in the winter.
Its too much to take care of.
My skin fits my bones as well as you do -

Hardly.

I hate that I can't go two minutes without glancing at my phone
to make sure I haven't missed
any electronic affection from you.

I hate that I check so often,
yielding so little reward.

And that, somehow
the more I miss you during the day, the more disappointed I am to see you at night.

Is it because I know now?

I wish I would have never picked up your phone.
I wish i had never looked through it.
Was I wrong?
Absolutely.
But so were you.

And now, every day, I die a little more on the inside.
Just the knowing.
The awareness in that I am not good enough for you,
and I probably haven't been since the beginning.

I could make up a hundred different reasons why I don't want to get out of bed in the morning.
But I don't have a hundred different reasons.

You broke me.
And I can't stop my hard beating heart.
I can't stop breathing hot down your neck.
I want my reason why.
And I will tear it out of you if I must.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Though my fury is quiet, it isn't small.
Though my love is vast, it is not forgiving.

You've ****** me raw
Do not think I'll be forgetting.

Have you found perfection?
Is it in her impossibly blue eyes
Or in the honeyed streaks of strawberry blonde hair?
Maybe it's in emerald eyes and raven hair.

But always, always, fat-free and smoothened skin.
Photoshop staples, silicone
pinned in place with stitches.
Perfect. Pink. Hairless. Flawless.
**** and *** to die for.

I make myself sick wondering
How much you enjoy playing make-believe
With the doll-like women on your screen.

So much writing.
So many words.
Enough to make my fingers burn.

I would set these sheets on fire
If it meant I could get you
To look at me
Hungry
And with desire.

When the idea of love
has been robbed from me,
never again will I dare
to wear a single color
of the light.

I will mourn you
for the rest of my life.

this mask I now wear
hides the fact
that I have been crushed
by the weight of my love.

The love of a thousand men
too strong, too bruising for me to bear.

if this armor will protect me from you,
then let me protect you from myself.

Do not come too close my love,
for I will make you my Atlas.