Mm* these floors I'll never walk again
These walls that hold a love that never ended
The light in eyes of love and life the same
The energy I'll never know again
The faded halls the twists and turns my friend
Hold so tight the love for each dead end
The memory of feet against cold slate
These are the floors I'll never walk again
Mi Re Do
Where does the heart go
Why do my hands still know
The places I always saw
I know I've been here before
Things always look the same
When they give you the most pain
But it's just in your eyes
That I don't recognise
Take me home
To years ago
Love is the same
It's you I don't know
So take me home
Show me the way
Take me home
Lyrics to a song I wrote last year. Perhaps try and imagine a melody...
Sometimes I wonder
About how a green cloth is not green at all
A material that absorbs every other light extension
Then I think about how
Your eyes absorb every light
And how your lips absorb every light
Except a dusky pink
I think about how the light rejects my skin whilst it welcomes yours
Warms as it absorbs within your strengthened brow
I think about how
Colour doesn't exist
And how emotions are a chemical reaction
How when he dealt me "the conversation"
Our bodies fired up
In one last effort to create a connection
Between a male and a female
Of the same species
In one last effort to preserve
As is the instinctual nature of animals
Perhaps what makes us human
Is that we were able to reject
One chemical equation over another
And this cloth has a colour
That doesn't exist.
I don't know
how to say
how it makes me feel
except that it seems wrong
sitting deep within my stomach
the realisation that
whether by choice
love has an expiry
and the heart clenching
and lost passion
I translate to anger
in a futile effort
to protect myself
from the mortality
A ***** ***** blood from a phallus
with talons that dig deep with malice
into the soft malleable flesh of man.
Perhaps your mother was right when she titled me so.
A *****, however
A ***** buries his **** in holes
ten fold over after swearing to the sanctity of monogamy and honour
after blaming his old lover for the depression and behaviour
that saw men fight with bloodied fists, wrists split and drying
a ***** splits women over his **** like stuffing a pig with a stick that throbs for more meat
a ***** justifies his actions by placing blame on his ex
but Honey, you love ***
and devouring those flowers
was all you
if drinking was a power you'd be superman
if self-destruction was a job you'd be a multi-faceted flaccid rat faced and rancid multi-billionaire
if hypocrites ran for government there would be no one better to elect as president than your sorry ***
So excuse me if I pass but my heart wasn't built to last a hurricane.
I am still alive in this underground prison
livid in the hole that you shoved me in
take a shovel and find out
if this dead woman breathes
Leaning in darkness
against an embrace
I fall into the arms of night
and meet no resistance
Where full forms
where the release
and the tragedy of life is pronounced.
This is the path that dead men tread and wounded women wander.
In a shop
Posing against the wall
Why do you stare?
You have the one for all.
Take him home
And whisper in his ear
"I saw a girl at the mall
and she could smell my fear."
Do not be afraid, little bird; I have no hold over a memory.
I changed my body in a way that meant I couldn't fit the clothes I used to wear with you
even if I tried
I could have just gotten fat, but no, I have to be perfect
You called me lazy
I was depressed
But never fear, (or do)
I'm still working at myself
Every now and then, I try on the dresses in my closet, the ones that you said I looked beautiful in. Then I cry when they don't fit over my head or zip up to my arms. So they go back to the closet where they will hang forever until someone can be loved in them again.
In the hands of the man I felt safest
Now my hands hold a phone in the bathroom stall shaking
The demise of my previous enterprise
Now the gateway to regrettable conversation
Tears pulled free out of the silence
Torn from a retched need and desperation
How ironic that the one person whose hands held me the gentlest and loved with such dedication would be the one who destroyed my inhibition and ability to control
my own hands
They grip this device where I write and my mind screams to reach out
There he is
How easy it could be just to dissolve within a lost fantasy
A circle where the ends never meet
Where at my feet tears fall flat in defeat
I restrain the desire to surrender to my selfish needs
Yet I plead with myself to give in.
The one place I feel safe and trust with all my heart is the one space I am barred from
How do I get out?
Please help me get out
Or let me in
You'll do neither.
I cannot write how I feel
it reveals what I did
An unforgivable fleeting fantasy
Caught up in my own mind
As you removed my securities
Until you were the only one standing
For me to rely upon
You are no longer someone
Who resists the pathetic nature of a past lover
Who is stronger and has rebuilt love twice over anew
Whilst I stew
Broken open by a man who every day chips away at my resistance
In an instance I break
In the bathroom stall at the gym
My life on a chain that leads to him
where I lie underneath watching him watch TV while
I cry every time.
And I realise
You're the only one who would have saved me
I am not a stranger
I don't even know myself
Time is not the enemy,
for the perpetual
whisper in the library
between the shelves
then lose the page
The decrescendo of my melody
My dear, how you have played me
I have forgotten the sweet murmurings of love.
Today I wondered
where does happiness lie?
and how could I feel such wonder
when it touched me one last time?
Today I wandered
in streets that sang of memory
heard the beating heart of matrimony
where I listened one last time.
This is the song I sing for you
A rasping breath, a lonely tune
a mountainous volume, jonquils in bloom
the beat of the drum drowns out the ruin
soon, my body falls.
You refused to sing for me, and to sing with me; instead, you sang against me; the song of a thousand strings, fluttering in the wind, sheared from the body of a bass.
Envy was the girl
Who wanted what the other had.
Pity was the woman
Who spoke with woven words
To a girl lost to blissful deceit.
His words are laced with honey, Honey
Sweet to the taste
Gentle to the touch
See in the midst of his attraction
Attracts the maggots and the flies
But I cannot despise
A greedy child
A scrub that's wild
As this discourse lies empty
I am the sentry to his force
And on the third bite I realise
I am no longer hungry.
I have been kissing
Where the insects feast on honey.
A sting more viscous than a wasp
He became a crude man who ***** for fun and wears hypocrisy like a winter shawl.
The visage he creates is a poor camouflage for the creature within.
Only a fool could love him.
Oh how irony laughs at mortals.