Did you know that where you were born the water goes down the plughole in the other direction?
I don’t suppose you do know because you’re still rather small.
And also, why would you have noticed?

Did you know that you were born somewhere with no reason to fear spiders?
That although ugly their bites would cause no harm
And also that you were born to a land with no koalas?

Did you know that the sun didn’t feel as much heat where you were born?
That people wore wetsuits to go in the sea
And beaches were more often walked down than lay upon?

I hope that this you do know
And that now you’re there you know to play in the sand
And feel your feet in the sea

Did you know that where you were born people barbequed only in the summer?
And in winter where you were born snow fell and lakes froze?
You’ve seen snow before, did you know?

Did you know that where you were born there’s no eucalyptus or kangaroos?
What we do have is squirrels, badgers and bulldogs
And a lot of cold rain

Did you know that you’ve been to the queens house?
Have you noticed that the Queen makes you seem nearer?
Because even with the distance our Queen is your Queen
We can both call her ‘The Queen’

Did you know that when you were born Mummy was more worried about losing your woolly hat than wearing sunscreen?
It was so cold where you were born that Mummy couldn’t feel her fingers
And Daddy always wore jeans

I bet you didn’t know that where you were born people ate yogurt and pasta
That yoagurt and parsta were not spoken of
And people asked how you were, not how you were going?

Did you know you lived your first year in a country the whole world was looking at?
You probably don’t remember the Jubilee or Olympics
But you were here whilst the world was watching

There’s a lot of things you might not know
But one day you’ll realise perhaps you did know
For just because you’re upside down now
We’re still here
And we hold your memories of the land where you were born

But meanwhile whilst you’re there
We’ll be loving you
Which is really no different all the way over there
Than it is here, where you were born

If I didn’t have a Granny
Then I wouldn’t have a Daddy
And if I didn’t have a Daddy
Then I wouldn’t be here

But there’s thanks more to give
Than for blood, life and skin
For Granny has always been
Most supportive and loving

And she’s done so much more
Than watch me grow and mature
Inspiration and education
She’s fed to me pure

When she dances Woolly Bully
I see the part of her that’s in me
At the centre of the party
Dancing like crazy

So you see there’s much more
She’s certainly no old bore
And she’s given me memories
I’ll treasure forever more

So thank you to my Granny
For giving me my Daddy
But also many thanks for being you
My Granny

Your pretention pushes my patience
As you spit sounds of spite
And unnecessary nags of advice
That just no one want to witness
Let alone be unfortunate to listen to
Each time your mouth open my sole shivers
And I take another chunk out of my tongue
How unfortunate that we met
And worse still that you linger on
Counting down till we part pleases me
As for you does constantly condescending pleasant people
You relish moments to relive unrelated memories
And if moments not given you steal a snap of someone else’s
So take your stupid smug stories
And over-generous giving’s of patronizing help
Far far and then further away from me

You treat me too kindly
Like a guest that you know
But watch out with kindness
Or I'll not want to go

You talk and you listen
On topics I care
Not like in hostels
Where same words we share

Your flat is just awesome
The views are a dream
And with no complaint
You keep it so clean
And even folded my clothes
Seriously, ease off with kindness
Or I'll not want to go

And now for the food
Best not forget that
Spoilt with flavour so good
I'd eat till I'm fat

You've made me feel wellcome
Your house is my home
You've taken me places
Otherwise I'd not know

I'm not quite sure now
How best to thank
But I've only got words
Not much left in my bank

I hope my words
In some way can show
You've been great and I'm thankful
Much more than you'd know

But now it's my turn to be kind to you
So I think the time's come
That I actually go!

These words feel all too small
As thanks for your kind gift of all
With you wellcome comes with ease
What's yours is ours if we please
You've shared with us your perfect home
And taught us of the land you know
The food, the beds it's all been great
But more than that you've been our mate
And our first sight of kangaroo
We'll remember was all thanks to you
So I think we've had a lot of fun
As you'll hear in our happy hum
Now how to thank you I don't know
But I hope these few words will show
Of all the hosts you've been the best
And the best Bob we'll never forget

Tanned skin and pink shoes
Australia looks good on you
To make a choice of work or fun
You ponder this whilst spread in sun
Move on to see the world in all
Or find job on land not so small?
Sure it would not be so hard
If not for here a fantastic start
But for now to take your mind the most
Road trip planning of the East Coast
These things of which you have to choose
There's no result in which you'd lose
So why not let fate act from above
And help make for you this life you love?

I can count on my hand the sleeps till with you
And now you too can count it, plus a few
The big number is the once since last time
Sleeps spent on separate sides of the line
Since then so much growth you've made
Even your bed has had an upgrade
Whilst your lips have learnt the local tongue
For now you live the way of Mum
And out here for you so much has changed
Especially when new little Sister came
So I forgive if at first you're not so sure
Though I've not changed since you've met many more
Remember me for I am your Aunt
Though not surprising if you just can't
As I've been lost all the way over there
Making lost time needed now for us to share
But trust me for I speak like Dad
And we've too much fun now to be had
And so we'll make memories more
You'll know me soon I'll make it sure