Noah was righteous (though maybe
A bit of a stick in the mud),
So God decided to save him
And his family from the great flood.
 
Again going over the instructions
After building his ark,
He had a couple of questions
Before they could embark.
 
“It says here that I need two
Of every living thing.
But I have some misgivings:
That’s going to be hard to swing.
 
“What’s this about a pl...platypus,
And penguin and k...kangaroo?
And I need to find two skunks.
What am I going to do?
 
“If I don’t find these animals,
They’ll think my work is a sham.
Ah, I know what I’ll do:
I’ll delegate this job to Ham.
 
“But first, another question
Is going to be hard to solve,
And that is the problem of food
And what it is going to involve.
 
“‘All food eaten on Earth’
Has to be on our boat.
With all that food and the animals,
How will we stay afloat?
 
“There’s another problem:
My lions aren’t nice and sweet,
And they have a strong preference
For gazelle and antelope meat.
 
“Cramped in so tight a space,
I hope we all don’t smother.
How will I keep the animals
From eating one another?”
 
He gave his list to Ham
And said, “I’ve found you some work.
I’ve got too much on my mind,
And it’s driving me berserk.”
 
Then Ham elicited help
From brothers Japheth and Shem.
No one else was available
To help him aside from them.
 
There were millions of species
Of animals that they had to find!
They’d be in a lot of trouble
If they left any behind.
 
Noah’s curse on Ham
Didn’t come till much later.
Meanwhile Ham had a few
Questions for his pater.
 
“Now, about this floodwater—
I'm not disrespecting your wishes—
Will it be salty or fresh?
It makes a difference to fishes.
 
“And for forty days and nights
We’ll be floating around;
When the waters recede,
Won’t all the plants have drowned?”
 
Noah said, “Don’t even go there!
There’s no time to stall.
Let’s get a move on before
Raindrops start to fall.”

- by Bob B

When we last saw Noah,
He was about to embark
On a long, stormy journey
Aboard his mighty ark.

For forty days and nights
The heavens constantly drained
Their waters upon the earth,
For it rained and rained and rained--

Covering the towering Mt. Everest,
And the great Kilimanjaro.
Noah exclaimed, "It's raining
Like there's no tomorrow!"

Ham and Shem said, "Dad,
With our small, measly crew,
Feeding one million species
Is kind of hard to do."

Noah pointed outside
And looked at his sons and said,
"I suppose instead of in HERE,
You'd rather be out there--dead!"

That shut up the boys
Who attended to their tasks,
Saying, "We're feeding the lions
In case anyone asks."

Shem whispered to Ham,
"I like that lion, but she
Is always licking her chops
Whenever SHE sees ME!"

Ham said, "That kangaroo,
Who looks so calm and mellow,
Has a nasty kick.
He's not a very nice fellow."

After many days,
The waters receded; then Yay!
They were back on dry land;
All could go their own way.

The Bengal tigers went east;
The penguins headed south;
The skunks and beavers went west--
According to word of mouth.

Noah grabbed an animal
For a sacrifice quick and succinct,
And turned to his sons saying, "Oops!
I JUST made one species extinct."

Ham, Shem, and Japheth,
Had little time for mirth,
For now it was up to them
To repopulate the earth.

Growing grapes for wine
To Noah was time well spent,
Until he got drunk and naked--
All sprawled out in his tent.

Walking in on his father,
Ham saw a sight not so splendid
And ended up with a *** deal--
(Silly pun intended)--

For Noah cursed poor Ham
For having walked in on him.
So what if a guy saw him naked;
Hadn't he been to a gym?

Actually, the curse
Was more on Canaan, Ham's son.
How had poor Canaan managed
To be the guilty one?

I guess that's the nature of curses;
They don't always make much sense.
There also wasn't a lawyer
To come to Canaan's defense.

To live to be 950
Requires a very strong ticker.
But Noah had a weakness:
Trouble holding his liquor.

- by Bob B

*Sequel to "Noah's Dilemma"