I still miss you.

How do you still haunt me?
How do you still remain so faithfully in my memories?
How do I still taste your lips?
How do I still hear your voice ringing in my ears?

I still miss you.
How can I still miss you?

To say I miss you would not be enough.
The way you laugh
The way you smile
The way you smell
The way you taste
It is still so present to me my heart aches for you
Every inch of your being
Even though I have seen the worst of you
And I have been at the receiving end of that dark side
I love you with everything in my soul
Please love me
Please look past the cracks you leave
Past the pain you inflict and the walls you help build

Please love me
The air is sweeter when you're near
And to say I need you is a understatement
The word "need" cannot comprehend the longing I feel for you and everything that you are.

Every single day I wonder about you.

How you are.
Are you well?

                 Who is loving you.
                 Did she make you forget about me?

                                                             If your happy.
                                                             A kind that you have never felt before?

Every single day I wonder about you.
And hope that you wonder about me too.

I am cleaning out my life
Scrubbing clean the corners of my mind
And for the first time
In a long time
I came across you
Your memories are faded
Dust covering the place you take in my heart
A place that hasn't been touched in awhile
Yet still too dear to part
I laughed thinking about you
I smiled at the thought of us
For the first time I wasn't bitter
Nothing I felt was harsh

I put you back in your place
In that small little corner
You will always remain

It’s taken me a year to get over you
God, I’ve wasted too much time on you
There are so many things I wish I could say to your face
Like how you drive me crazy
You’re selfish and immature
Hypocritical and scared
Couldn’t even face me
When you walked away
Thought I would be okay
Had no reason to say it to my face
But oh well
Cause you’re pathetic and lame
No girl should ever love you
A liar and a cheater
Just playing the game
And I’ve found someone new
Someone you can’t ever be compared to
He’s wonderful and great
And sometimes I wonder
When I’m holding his hand
That I forget it’s him
And picture you instead
Look all you’ve done to me
And I still fall at your feet
I just don’t understand
If I’m better off
Then why is it me chasing after you?

My life has been filled with so many almosts but never enoughs,
That my heart is giving up on ever finding love.
Nothing has ever been special or beautiful or wonderful.

Except for you.
You were always wonderful.

Sometimes I wonder why I hate waiting so much.
I cant stand sitting around for a call from a long-distance friend,
Or a cup of coffee.
Things that I love.
It never used to bother me.
But now? It drives me crazy.

But then I realize,
It's because I went crazy waiting for you.

You were like a bandaid. You protected the most vulnerable spots of me. You wrapped yourself around my body, always taking care of me. You never let any of the bad things come in and hurt me. Even when the cuts weren't that bad I still needed you to be okay. Because just you being there made it all hurt less. And I was so grateful to you.


Then one day I looked to find comfort in your presence and you were gone.

Any day could be awful
Every moment unbearable
But it never mattered because then I remembered you were mine
And everything got better again.


I miss that.

We all have our secrets
Tucked deep inside our hearts
The thing we are ashamed of
A scar, an unhealed mark
A story written in permanent ink
Locked and sealed
Deep inside of me
Where no one can see
Lost and untold
The story unfolds
And you are left to see
The broken side of me
He was perfect
Everything I dreamed
Everything I needed someone to be
Then he left
And I had to guess
What really made him go
But then I found out those secrets
The details in the fabric
How he really never cared
About my broken heart
That he would come back around
Trying to leave another scar
And when I asked what is all about
He tried to pretend
It meant nothing at all
Even though he said
It was impossible to get me out of his head
And I cried
Because I fell for him all over again
I screamed and threw
Put my fist into a wall
All just to realize
I don’t love him at all
I’ve moved on
Finally
After all of this time
God opened my eyes
Showed me I don’t need you in my life
So let’s just go our separate ways
Our story is coming to an end
I can’t sit and wait forever
Hoping you’ll come back around
I hope life treats you well
But this is our goodbye
And then you’ll be
Just a precious memory
Held deep within me
A secret
My detail in the fabric

I miss the warmth of your embrace
The loving look upon your face
The tenderness in your eyes
I miss the nights
We stayed up until four am
All the sweet secrets
The two of us kept
I miss how at peace I felt
Lying in your arms
I miss your big, brown eyes
Your fingers entangled in my hair
I miss the feeling of knowing everything would be okay
Just because I had you
I miss having you to look forward to
I miss the way our hearts would pound
When the chance of getting caught was coming around the corner
I miss hearing you name
And finding a silly smile on my face
Trying to hide the hint of pink in my cheeks
I miss you kissing my forehead
And hearing you whisper
"You're beautiful"
I miss when you were all I needed
My best friend
You knew everything
I miss the way your eyes would light up when they saw me
The shy smile you tried to hide
I miss how you would run and pick me up
Those are still my favorite hugs
I miss when my legs were to tired to walk
You would lift me in your arms
And carry me wherever me feet wouldn't take me
I miss the way you'd sneak in
Surprising me with one last kiss
Which ended up taking us forever to part
But even forever wasn't long enough
Because life was only good in your arms
I miss the way my stomach turned
When my head was in your hands
Losing ourselves in each other's eyes
I miss the way your fingers laced with mine
No one would guess they would fit perfectly
I miss how we could talk for hours on end
I miss the way we would kiss
A taste I can't get out off my lips
I miss when trusting you was easy
I miss how my life was
Before you deceived me

Ill take a walk down memory lane
Cause it's only there I get to see your face
And nobody knows that I miss you
No one gets too
And though I wish I could deny these feelings inside
There is just no more trying to hide
Because I still cry when our song begins to play
And I remember every detail of your face
My stomach drops when I hear your name
And I'm taken back to a forgotten place
I begin to wonder if you're doing alright
If you're with another girl tonight
And if you asked how I was
I would lie and say fine
Cause I miss you with every boy I kiss
Nothing feels right if they aren't your lips
And it takes everything in me not to call you
And tell you how much I love you
Say all the words resting on my lips
They've been there since you left
You said you wished we could be friends again
But you realize that can't happen
But I don't think you understand
Because if we were friends again
I wouldn't be able not to fall for you