the veil
me, captivated from 1st introduction
expression of character
extension of the wearer
women forced to express, communicate, and develop new communication methods
limited with resources reveal, the eyes
they reveal what the mouth dare not speak
deviance, love, hate, pain, or dead soul
they connect between souls effortlessly
only seconds needed to be edged into my mind
to echo eternity
often forgetting the owner, remembering the moment
piercing eyes revealing life lived, dreams forgotten and compromised made

on the other side
i long to see the smile or grin belonging to the eyes
long to connect verbally to know what created the captivating eyes
walking down the street i long, search for :
the thing that makes us human
how we recognise each other
how species compare

the face

i didn't loose my mind
she stepped
accused me of ******* with fantasy and neglecting reality,and
of zoning out into dream land
she got tired of waiting for me to come around,
and booted me out of her life

so here i am mindless and loving it
opportunity to find my true self in my art
opportunity to make my craft my own
opportunity to brake free from the confine set by the world

when you left, i was so afraid of forgetting and loosing you,
i gathered all i could find, jealously guarding it,
unwilling to share with anyone, even dad
justifying with, "they had all your life"
i only had my life time with you

i had since come to my senses
realised that no one can take you from me
you live in my heart
i treasure the photographs
some things only i and they know
a secret we whisper to the moon, sun and sky

i never stop missing you
i got accustomed to living with it
i got use to the missing

When the house settles in
I lay me down
Breathing slowing down
Drift of to sleep
I go home
To my private world
Life is perfect there
But
Pre determined
I have to leave home
Reality I must serve
Here I'm invisible
Regarded worthless
Thus trampled on
Ridiculed
Falaid on occasion even
Cruel barren land
Specs of oasis
Closed to me
Not even an glimpse allowed
Often feeling forsaken

I write to ease my trouble mind, to give words to my broken emotions and to air my soul. A soul afraid of its own shadow, but filled with courage expressing sought after encouragement "tomorrow we will try again".

My true nature not even I have seen and experienced in its fullness. Hating what I see, taught to admire acceptable beauty and to shunned what might be my own unique beauty. I do not seek praise just to be seen, noticed and not ignored and labeled reject, outcast, weird and crazy

Maybe my life experience can help someone realise they are not alone. We all fight the same fight

am i admired as i admire others beauty?
i admire the strength i view in the eyes, revealing the souls journey
a journey that can be seconds and cover uncountable miles
the soul is quite about its struggles but the eyes cannot lie, cannot hide
honesty in its purest form
i wonder if the owner knows what there eyes reveal to me
how is life better or worst to have such memorable eyes
but deep down i know
pain is needed to create captivating eyes as equal as black and white keys are needed for music
pain gives dept and heals life from shallowness
pain crushes you to your knees, begging for mercy
but rather mercy in life instead of in death

i know pain
i know the black keys more than the white keys in my music piece
but i do not know if my eyes can measure up to beautiful eyes
i know the colour, i know it shifts
but i do not know its beauty
i can only hope to captivate one-day

i am known by many descriptive names
daughter, friend, colleague, cousin, niece, aunt, and fellow Christian
but none give a preview of my soul
i myself do not know, brain washed by conformity
constantly seeking my missing parts
its like completing a challenging puzzle not knowing the complete image
blind thumbs in the mist and dark
grasping on to believe, " there must be something out there"

Fly I must, soar I must
For eagle, I am
Held captive, I am, was
Forgot how to fly, I did
Forced to conform, I was
Called rebellious, I am
Dubbed trouble maker, I ,me?
What propaganda, I concur
Easier to believe, I observe
what idiots so conformed brainless thoughtless zombies, I laugh
Hunting for mine,I agree

Up over and under I race for freedom, here I come
Wings don't fail me now, I pray
Out of practise, I am
Just flap and keep us steady, born to
Jump, I tumble in the air
Rocky start, I soar
Higher and higher
Hallo clouds, goodbye clouds
Hallo sun and sky, welcome home

A lullaby remembered
Remnance of night Conversation between the piano n a flute
Mother and daughter duet
Floads my being with memories
How could I have forgotten
It's what I needed to make do with brokenness
A bravado to fend off, to show strength
Truth is brokenness, exist reaffirmed by a lost lullaby

Takes me back before time made sense
When mum was my universe and I was hers
I love her all my life, she loves me my lifetime

My darling,
I never meant for you to grow up in a world absent of a loving grandmother, doting aunts and uncles, accepting great uncles and aunts, protecting cousins.I always believed I had enough time, I believed mum will be around. Till we grow grey and senile together, laughing, praying and, loving. I believed enough time is available for photos. But alas my darling I can only offer you me

From the moment your heart starts to beat
Till my heart stops beating
Our bond will be all absorbing and complete
I will be your safety net and teach you how to soar
**For an eagle you are and soar you must for I am

photos old and new
remind me of you
special moments only i know of
brings anxiety and alienation
i crawl into my corner and just cry
burry my head in my knees and elbows
here i will be safe behind the door on the closet floor under the bed hiding
i fear the world
i watch the world continue
tried buying a ticket
wanted to make you proud
now your crying
i miss my old life
wish i had a undo button
i miss you soo much
words cant express
my sadness
the world just moved on no pause
i often wonder what you would say right now right here
would you be mad at me for my mistakes
would you scoul me
would you just embrace me
what would you do
i think you will just hold me and promise everything will be ok from now on
you will press me to your chest and just hold me
some day well look back and laugh/ smile
on how silly i was
i miss you mum

peoples mouth's open and close
i see there lips moving and expressions on the face
I don't hear anything?
blah blah blah never real words
no, i am not deaf
sounds fill space but nothing worthwhile connects
wireless communication. instant messaging. one button dial
things are loved people are purposely overlooked and used
money wasted on motivational speaking
hours convincing the self: "i am right they need a lesson"
make believe bandages running with harness

love exchanged for Pandoras box
if I only knew then what I knew now, would have chosen....
wishes are well intended feathers on the wind
God catches them at the end of the world
he reads them with water filled eyes
original sin we all followed loud and proud
foolish Independence
we all assume to want the same, mostly love, how come?
we give up in a whimper, lack of endurance?
how colder the storm greater the harvest - grandpa

a soul desperate for salvation and peace
yet, motivated to strive
follow the curve in the walls,
feel it, listen ,it speaks
breath breath breath
you will touch light eventually or die trying