i get up slowly and make some small offhand comment
maybe a joke or observation
it doesn't actually matter
every second counts
i slip on my shoes and collect my things
as i walk towards the door i think about what i want to say
i turn around and give what i can only hope is a caring embrace
when i let go i'm met with a strong gaze
that's my cue to lean in
afterwards i deliver my half-baked message
i open the door and hit the pavement with my hood up
"what now?" i think

A thousand clouds or so
A rough estimate
Of the evening storm
Passing those tree tops and muddy yards
City sidewalks scuffed
Coated with rain & discarded steps
A slight glow marking the air
Which stood remarkably still
Among the sparse bustle
Of parallel wanderers
Sharing sound
And company
Until the sky
Changes mood

Just hopefully not soon

as i awoke reality shifted into gear
a process mastered though often unappreciated
(depending on the dream)
that morning i didn't remember any
but there was one thing
one that also happened to still be there
sitting up right beside me
as i took note of her outline
quickly went through the checklist of features i've come to know
(though most immaterial)



and then i fell back asleep.

two bodies lay there
on the couch
in the house
cold and empty
though rather lovely

they lay very close
intimate and serene
exposed but comfortable
in a nice sort of silence
only experienced once before

a single phrase rang out
in the mind of one
for the other
"i love you"

a curious thought
amongst a careful affection
now preserved for later use
for the other
or another
whenever it might be true

as i weave through the city streets of my hometown
my mind drifts away
thankful that this city hasn't brought the anxiety i've come to expect
i wonder what's different
thankful that these people i call friends
thankful for some emotional stability
thankful for the time and for this life of mine

into the black night i went
riding the tailwind of emotion
spent up in the heartbeat and luscious breathes
little space between our gaze
so quickly did we yearn for this
succeeding only to frighten & excite us both

as my arms wrapped around you
i couldn't help but think
how well we fit together
like a puzzle with two pieces
long ago separated
fallen down a floor crack
sunk into the couch
adrift in the sewers
underneath the paper due tomorrow
until you came into my arms

but i also knew then
as i was sinking into the ambience
enjoying every single ounce of you
that we're all pieces
in the largest of puzzles
ever-changing in shape
ever-seeking our two piece paradise



and that's ok
that's why i could hold you
and that's why i'll keep holding you
until i can't anymore.

i find myself wandering through your thoughts
as you wander through mine
exploring the intricate paths
all the little details
and in that moment i hoped to lose my way
stuck in the lovely labyrinth of your mind

i walk into my room
wondering if your image will be there
shutting the door in dismay
a knock will come soon i think
listening for that voice or some footsteps
passing through the halls where we met
a year's change but no one can tell
i pulled my blinds all the way up
so every time you walk in the building you'd see my light on
my window a lighthouse in those dark & windy nights
at times it feels your right outside
listening for an indication
curious to know what my life is like now
and despite all this
my outlet of weakness
i'm proud to say
i'm doing great.
i hope you are too.

i never wrote you a poem
though sometimes i wish i did
those words you find to perfectly detail
every single spec of feeling
another body to feed off of
and awake by her side

i wonder about those moments now
those words never found
no pages left to turn
another night to myself
speaking now as an aside

i wrote you a poem
but i guess it's too late

i got a message today
out of the blue
from you
but who is you?
and who reads this
late at night
processing these thoughts i've typed
wondering what i feel inside
but is it you?
is there a you?
changing in my head every day
a new feeling, a new desire
surrounded by things i can't have
things i think i want
until the next one comes
a fleet of fleeting emotion

i got a message today
i hope it was from you

or you
or you
or you

if i told the truth
would you be mad
think less of me
refuse to speak
blame yourself
become insecure
believe it wasn't true
or learn to forgive?

if i told the truth
would you be happy
think more of me
change your tone
pinch yourself
become comfortable
believe it was always true
or am i fantasizing?

if i told you the truth
would you be turned off
think i was needy
wonder why i messaged you
recluse yourself
become a stranger
believe we were never true
or would you agree?

if i told you the truth
would you reflect about it
think i can't be read
message me about your day
change yourself
become more mature
encourage me to visit
believe i am different
or is that even possible?

an inflection in your tone
some feelings overgrown
a sense of happy dismay
over the thought of you
wondering how soon
this emotion can run free
a beat with no embrace
just one quick taste
is all i need for now