there's a girl outside the door
i wonder if she's thinking about me
talking to other guys
always other guys
who listen
or act like it
difficult to tell
meaningless conversations
a mind surrounded
by those seeking a body
for a bit of fun
while i sit here

maybe i'll figure you out someday
ask just the right question
if you'll keep letting me in
then you can find out what i see in you

what is it about
small talk
that seems so small

and what classifies as
big talk
or something in between

it seems that even the
small talk
impacts our lives

and likewise
big talk
sometimes never does

Sometimes I wonder why
I lose the pen & paper
the focused rattle of key strokes
thinking about that next rhyme
or word pattern or wordplay
or whatever I want to write about...
why that all goes away when I'm content

Take it for what it's worth,
poetry, to me, is something to fall back on.
And somehow that's ok... normal
I wonder where those words go sometimes

i saw a ******* the tv
yesterday
she was attractive and
kind
had some sort of
glow
a pep in her
step
a glimpse of good
spirit
or at least that's what i
saw
through the box of bright
color

why do i think about
her
why not a girl i already
know
one that shares
memories
with me and cares about my
health
why do i spend
time
looking at this
screen
at so many
screens
so dependent on these
pixels
which take up the
space
both inside and
out
of my life & those around
me

i saw a ******* the tv
yesterday
and it was
nice

as the light comes in my window
i wonder what's happening inside
my head, whether it's registering
emotion like i am. the blinds get
to decide what i think about and
what i dwell on through the night
and into the next sometimes for
days on end. until it does end...
and it's as if nothing was even
wrong in the first place. was it?
i'm not even sure anymore. but
that light keeps coming through
and i shut my blinds for another
time, sinking into the candlelight

it's you that i've been waiting to find

but it wasn't you
present in other ways
friendly and welcoming
a smile, a hand
i wonder what you saw in me

but i was never waiting
more like recovering
more like discovering
a new life
a new town
i wonder if you were too

but i didn't find
nor you with me
no star-crossed evening
or prince at the ball
i wonder what changed



but i did find something
i want it to be you
and i'll wait

i hope that's enough.

there are poets all around
  speaking aloud
   to those who will listen

a rotation
  of the population

ones searching
  ones mourning
   ones thinking
    ones praying

for something
  or someone
   or nothing
    or no one

why do we turn
  to writing
   to reading
    to sleeping
     to dreaming
      for fulfillment

i guess we find comfort
  in this space
   of the abstract
    to release ourselves
     find company for once
      and return when peace is found

if clarity is key
i've always been locked out

of what?


if clarity is key
i always hit the wrong note

which song?


if clarity is key
i'm lost with no direction

where do i go?


if clarity is key
i wish i'd find some

some day

sometimes it's hard to tell
what music reinforces
and what it creates
inside the mind
or heart
a part
of which
one is more
exposed in the
moment, though that
may change from
note to note
depending
on the
state of
mind i find
myself in

the flame went out
and so did you
that's what i wanted to believe
the only one who could have started it
other than me
but some images
like the flame
or lack thereof
don't mean anything
and neither should you

the flame went out

i'm an expert
of my own mind
taking familiar faces
and carving them
with perfect personalities
that say exactly the right things
to influence & interact
better people for a better world
but only believed in by me

i'm an expert
of my own mind
spinning reality the right way
in all the wrong ways
for my own belief
filled with fiction
figments of future possibilities
probablys not prone to happen
though when they do
i know i must be
an expert of my own fate

i think it's been worse before
different girl, different time
though i couldn't say for sure

it didn't happen before
different feeling, different places
though i wouldn't say we've changed

now it's hard thinking about before
different mindsets, different worlds
what did i say that made it alright?

i still go back that moment before
we laid still
saying nothing

the difference between you and me
-at least from what i know-
is that you moved on
and i'm still there
on that couch
in that house
tv left on
storms sounding
shadows merged
eyes closed
taking everything in
enjoying your presence
and wondering
how this all happened
what might come
and who i should tell
about this embrace
and some disgrace
from our connection
not sure who could understand
what we had
in that time and place
some sort of feeling
an echo into the night
a glimpse of insight
into each others' minds
two worlds collide
into the silence
that we shared
no compare
until just now
when i realized how
i'm still there
lying there
lying every day
lying for something
i know not to be true

i want to feel something new
with you
and go back to that place
embrace
i want to run away
just stay
so we can reminisce
on this
enjoying the storm
so warm
one could never
remember

but i always will.