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 May 2014
Jo de Guzman
she got all the things I have to live without
I don't get it why people look up to her
saying "she's so tough", inspired by what she've been through
the struggles she had were no more than half of mine
I'm five years younger. she's a mom, and so am I
I am a teenage mom, and my boyfriend left me
I only had myself for that nine months
while her on the other hand is a mistress who got pregnant
and people still look up to her. and no, I don't hate her
I like her, I sent her letters, and I always got no response
I'm not mad, I don't hate her
I'm just wondering, why is it so hard for me to gain love?
is there something wrong with me?
why am I always left unnoticed? and worse -- rejected?
why? am I that hard to be adored?
she's answering her messages now, and again mine got a no response. why? was my letter that useless? that nonesense? I can't say this to my blog, I can't I don't want other bloggers to know that I envy her, I don't want to say that I'm being immature and insecure.

and yes, I am insecure. she has everything I have to live without. she's beautiful, I'm not. she's famous, and I'm not. her business runs well, and mine can't even have a single costumer. she always get the love she want, from strangers, her family, she got a lot of good buddies who's willing to risk everything. she have everything! everything I don't have, everything I'll never have.
 Oct 2013
R
ive seen the pictures and gifs of
when people go to far when
cutting.
and honestly, i get
so scared.
to think that people can just
open themselves up and
let blood pour and
spill and not have a
second thought about it
because they are just trying to
let their demons out.

but then i remind myself that
i do the same and that i
could end up on the
bathroom floor if i
dont be careful and
end this addiction
i have.
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