Collin is still four.
If you haven  read any of our poems,
In my collection "Son",
You would know that Collin is my little ghost baby.

Collin is four,
And my absolute pride and joy.
Tiny ghost hands,
And a tiny heart beat.
I kind of like,
How he isn't going to grow any bigger.
We moved yet again, this September.
To another state completely.

Collin doesn't mind.
He quite likes Rhode Island.
He likes the train station
And the little ghost girl who lives there.
He now wants a sister,
Of course.

But she's only three,
And I didn't just find Collin,
He chose me.
I just wouldn't know how to go about it.
So we'll see.

The reason I haven't written a lot about Collin lately,
Is not because I have been having trouble connecting with him.
Or seeing him.
You see, I've been very self centered, and very alienated.
I think I have been trough a few tragedies this year,
And due to my inability to processes events that might hurt me,
And my ability to bury emotionally challenging memories,
I have internally wallowed for about the past 11 months.
The last month, in particular,
Has been quite bad.
Collin is my ghost baby,
And I love him with all my heart,
I still feed him,
And read to him,
And let him play with candles,
And tuck him into bed with me.
I am a **** good mother to that little ghost boy,
Especially considering I'm not a ghost myself.
But it's just been me and him.
No one else.
And we had our Christmas late at night,
And he is still learning to read,
And I still give him lots of love and kisses.
I just haven't felt the need to share any of it. Any of us.

We've got ourselves into quite a nice daily routine.
My little ghost boy and I.
Collin wakes me up in the morning with his squirming
He is only four, so you can imagine how early that is.
He eats some cheerios and an apple.
I got to my classes for the day and work,
And Collin plays with his fore mentioned friend, Jordan.
I make Collin something for lunch,
And we practice reading and writing.
We watch some Arthur or Dragon Tales
We run some errands
He has some ghost pasta or vegetarian hot dogs,
Or anything really, for dinner.
And we tell stories till it's time for him to go to bed,
And time for me to write my essays
And do my calculus.
And then I hold my sleeping ghost baby
And rock him back and forth
So that my life doesn't feel so useless.

Collin had a bit of a melt down a few minutes ago
He is in time out now.
You can't just spill juice on the floor, Collin.
No ghost tricks without my permission.
Four year olds are the biggest handfuls.
I am ignoring his constant attempts to get my attention.
Ugh
Parenting.

Collin has developed a new love for salads.
I could not be more pleased.
He does have to cover them in cheese,
But ghosts can't really become obese...
So I will take what I can get.
There is another ghost boy in our building.
His name is Jordan,
He is five and he has lived here for two years.
They play together when I'm busy.
Jordan is very tough,
So I have been teaching Collin to hold his own.
No one will push my baby around.
He's too special for that.

Today Collin disappeared.
He was not around when I woke up,
He was not around when I got back from picking up my car,
He was not around when I got home from running errands.
I would have called the police,
If there was any such thing as a Casper Alert.
Oh, what a horrid thing to lose a little ghost boy.
Who can help you?
He finally came back at dinner time,
Only because I had made mac n cheese.
He had gone to the park all ******* day long.
Collin is only four,
This is unacceptable.
He had me running ragged.
He is not allowed to go out for three weeks now.
And he is not leaving my sight for those three weeks.
Especially since we are moving Monday.
I have to pack his ghost clothes,
And his little translucent ghost toys.
Dear god, Collin,
You scared me.