loving a flightless bird that didn't learn to fly.

May 2013

Redshift

the sad part is
i saw a picture of three mugs
one for you
one for jack
one for kaytie
and i knew
exactly
which one
was yours.
because you always wanted to be
as suave as audrey hepburn
but even with all the home decorating
you could never achieve it.
and even though i hate you
for stomping on me
with the might of my mother
i still love you
somewhere.

May 2013

Redshift

bartleby the scrivener

i was just lying
with my cheek
against the rug
of my room
panting
wishing
my breathe would stop
and i suddenly saw
amidst a flock of papers
on my floor
nestled there
my little
quarter-sized
green plastic
turtle
that i used to keep in my pocket
named bartleby
i found him in the mud
one day
outside
in the winter
i washed him off
and he kept me
company
until i lost him

i
put down the sharp flower
i was about to slice my wrist with
and i pick up
bartleby

this probably won't have much meaning if you haven't read bartleby the scrivener.

May 2013

Redshift

i speak in the tongues of angels

my eighteenth year
taught me how
not to love
but still
i trip
stumble
fall
into that which i avoid
so carefully
love
is a covetous
*****

but have not love.

May 2013

Redshift

united we fall

divided
we stand
wonderfully.
together
we fall
floating
like papers
in the wind
in the city
into puddles
that absorb us
turn us into mush
but not the good kind...
we are simply
a family
not meant to be
together
i guess
*******
america
for pounding that phrase into me
for decades

May 2013

Redshift

losing your luggage isn't quite as easy as you thought.

i sit
jump up and down
on the over-stuffed suitcase
that is my mind.
it won't close;
i take some things out
examine them
decide if i want to
take them with me
but some things
won't leave...
i was hoping to lose my luggage
properly
this time around
but the ******* customs people
always send it back home with me
*******

May 2013

Redshift

five months.

i have always believed in signs.

me finally giving you your jacket back

the day before this happened

lets me know

that it was meant to be

somehow

that makes me feel

better

if anything

ever could.

May 2013

Redshift

be not kind.

be not kind to murderers
because they slip into your heart
without you noticing
**** you
from the inside
like a disease

be not kind
to murderers
because they have been trained
to ****
humanity
it doesn't matter
who you are to them

be not kind
to murderers
they want your life
your joy
your laugh
to pin up on their wall
like dead
butterflies
they captured
trophies
of love gained
and lost

be not kind
be not sweet
be not trusting
never accept love
from a murderer,
they were born
to **** you

May 2013

Redshift

pearls before swine.

for once
i am the frog
and not the scorpion
all i have ever done
is love you
i thought you
loved me too
but if you had
you would have never
ever
said that
because you know
how hurt i am
you know
that you were like a mother to me
you know
how much you just
hurt me
and that makes it all the more painful.
i put my trust
in no one....
cast not your pearls
before
swine

this is the second most painful thing that has ever happened to me. my mother left me two years ago, and a woman who has mothered me for the last five months has believed lies about me told by jealous lips, and lashed out at me. i did nothing to deserve this, and i will not let it **** me. i deserve to live, not to be killed by the people i love the most.

May 2013

Redshift

i didn't pick up a pudding cup and now the love is gone.

you were a mother to me
when i didn't have one
now you have gone and done
what mothers do
you left me
i guess i expected it
same story
over and over
what do i do
to deserve this
i guess i'll try harder
to be a better daughter
but maybe it's not me....
maybe it's all of you.

people should be more careful with who they leave.

May 2013

Redshift

stop, in the name of love.

if i could see
what is hurting me
i'd tell it to stop
for the love of
god

May 2013

Redshift

will be.

time to close the knife
let it take your life
another night
you have to do
what is right
for everyone else
you'll be
fine