My beloved
how I miss you so,
the gentle fall and rise of your chest
the sweet laughter from your eyes.

Like a bird with no wings
I am grounded
stumbling on a pebbled sidewalk
of forgotton memories and regrets.

Come back to me my beloved
stumble with me on this pebbled sidewalk
and let us at least remain lost together.

Stunned and silent, I can no longer feel

My hands tightly gripping the steering wheel

Your hands are cold around my throat

Why must I be the sacrificial goat

Why was it me you chose to follow

Death is imminent, hard to swallow




Silently I drive, my screams are within

Blade of a knife now piercing my skin

You ask for me to stop the car

But I have no idea where we are

Skies are black and the trees block all light

I am tied and blindfolded to impair my sight




My door creaks open and the cold air rushes in

he pulls me out, the ties cut into my skin

Dear God, I pray, please get me out

Give me the strength to try and shout

May someone hear me and set me free

From this man I once knew, now new to me




He drags me across sharp branches and stones

I scream from the pain as rocks cut-into my bones

I give up now as the darkness pulls me under

Outside all I hear is the sound of loud thunder

This man who preaches now committing a sin

He rips off my clothes, it is time now to begin




He is going to **** me, I am scared and cold

His hands touch my skin and I suddenly feel old

Old and weak with nothing but despair

As he drags me down and pulls back my hair

As I fight to keep him from touching me

He punches me over and over

and for once I can see




A bright light just ahead, asking me to come in

Silently I whisper,

forgive me father,

for I must have sinned

Alone in the dark

Light bounces where you have been

Your scent still lingers

Where I lay my head at night

I dream of you in my arms

If, from a distance so vast
With the spell you have cast
A few words from your lips
Makes my heart perform flips
Imagine, what you do in my arms

I fell in love with you
similarly to how people fall in love
with Winter.
With foreknowledge that they will eventually
tire of the cold.

one.
we traced outlines of our frames
in chalk on sidewalks

two.
You asked me if I would marry you under the oak tree
in your backyard with fireflies as our
witnesses  
I said, I do

three.
We started kindergarten
today and I asked you to
build our future house out of legos
you looked at me like I had three heads and
pushed me down.
They said, Boys will be boys
you said the same thing on my porch that
afternoon but you gave me a flower you picked
from your mother’s garden and said you wouldn’t do it again.

four.
You stopped coming over to catch fireflies
and hold my hand.
My mom said that we grew apart
but I told her that we had promised to get married
in spring in your parents yard under the tree we climbed
that year when I fell and broke my arm.
She told me I fell in love like a child
but
how could i fall in love any other way?

five.
So isn’t it fitting that I fell in love with a Boy
afraid of heights?
Who never even had foreknowledge of what it felt like to fall.

I want to punch you.
And push you away from me.
Please pull me closer.