His new Blue Suit

He was, at home, most comfortable
in collared shirt and jeans.
Just not the sort to put on airs
Or fancy dress, it seems.
In his later years, especially,
It seemed style had passed him by.
So his new blue suit gave me a start
With the new Red power tie.
The haberdasher had done him proud,
But he wasn’t that sort of man
Still, given the occasion
I knew he’d understand
I asked a moment at the end
Just before the lid was closed
To memorize the face I loved
Lying there is his new clothes.

The cloth I gave it as cover for chill
is lying still.

Christmas eve was its last night.

Not that I knew
when picked it up
and gave it back
to the cold night.

I'm still holding it
heavy and invisible
on my heart
as my eyes repeat the scene
of crows pecking out its eyes
the head rolling on the earth
eyes closed.

I close my eyes
scared life could be so thin a thread
barely holding
and incredibly uncertain.

I watched as loose skin, hung over bones so fragile they threatened to break, joints cursing at every bend, willing to stop working at any given moment. White porcelain filled with lukewarm bath water kisses her naked body ever so slowly as she allows me to help her lower her brittle body onto the harsh bottom of the tub. She looked up at me and smiled a half hearted smile filled with thousands of apologies that she could not find the words to utter. In that second my heart broke. Her eyes are glazed over with shame that she is incapacitated in this way.
I did not know skin could loosen in all of the places that it has, it’s as if it sags to cover every memory, good and bad, and make room for more. As we occupy the same bed she turns her back and forgets my presents, but as she rolls over and sees me she tucks me in as if to say, we will do this together.

I dreamed this morning of Alicia.
We met and she looked
Just like the last time I saw her alive
Sometime in 1991.

I looked the same too.
And we picked up
Right where we left off.

When I woke up
I realized
That I must have been dead.

There was no pain there.