Have you heard her cries when the night passes?
Have you noticed her fears of failures and disappointments?
The childhood losses on her way, teenage skips on her process, as she needs to act like an adult who weighs heavy baggage.
Her angst and anger issues resulted from the pressure, to be always strong, don't make any wrong. She is like a parent to her siblings, and a caregiver to her aging parents. She is always being misunderstood, the one who is always blamed for other family member's wrong actions.
She is not healed yet from her past trauma, always putting others before herself but they neglect her feelings. Her bad temper identified as her negative traits not knowing the reason behind it.
The truth in this situation, she never wanted to be the firstborn. The one who witnessed every moment in her life that put her under tremendous pressure to be perfect in the eyes of her parents and a mature role model to her younger siblings.
She always needs to be at the forefront of every situation, the one who needs to be the first one to try before the other. Like a person who tastes food first, whether it has poison or not, but never releases the negativity that accumulates in her whole existence because she started to view taking help as a sin.
Her parents told her that they never worry about her, as she is independent and responsible, but little did, they know that their first child can be vulnerable too. It's tiring to handle aggression and disrespect after all the sacrifices she gave to please the people who never saw her effort to be a substitution for her parents. She is not allowed to expose her weaknesses and vulnerabilities, not knowing that she doesn't know how to take of herself because she is busy taking care of others. After all, they still called her bratty and an ungrateful child.
Afraid of having her children because of cycles of this trauma and the burden they put on her that leads to her attachment avoidant. She is afraid to trust even herself. If you know how she perceives life with her own eyes, perhaps, you will understand the reason why she behaves like that.
She is a child too that needs to love and be understood.
She is your eldest daughter.