I'm still thinking about you?
Even now,
While I sleep-
Even then, when I awoke.

The lack of contact,
Cannot bar my thoughts.
Often, it promotes it.
Sometimes, you are my escape,
A shallow form of therapy.
Because with you,
Next to you,
Even if I'm not,
Everything is ok,
It feels fine,
I'm alive.

Nothing changes whether the sun rises or not,
Everyday was a monotonous, dreary flop.
Constantly imbalanced,
Then this bubbly feeling overtakes my day and drags my mind across,
The glowing embers of obsession,
Branding my wandering soul.

When I love,
My heart thumps incessantly,
Burning eyes, and biting lips,
My insides rolling in waves and flips.

This elation is uncommon,
A desire to indulge blossoms,
A sin of affection-
Is it worth it?

The bonfire of passion quells,
Embers of shameless feelings settle in the Earth,
The steady flow of love extinguishes infatuation,
Fragile glass buck rushing anxiously against my bumping heart,
Dashing through to knock on the door of my chest.

Breathless, this whisper can't be revealed,
Yet she can't help but imagine the possibilities.
The itch slowly eroding her sanity,
She just wants to melt softly into his embrace,
Coveting his heart, his gaze,
Peeling back the only side of him she ever sees,
Uncovering the character beneath.

I feel your hand,
Warmly glide through my chest.
It rips my heart out,
And shoves it down my throat,
Straight into my soul.
Now I can't seem to get away from your hold,
A burning pit of something horrifying,
It eats and tears apart sensibility,
Leaving hypersensitivity,
To you,
And everything you do.

Your care is blistering,
Shock resounds whenever you open your mouth.
"It matters to me"
In response to my gloom,
"Don't ever say sorry"
As reply to my fear.

You scare me so badly,
I forget why I'm there,
I hate giving in,
To other's emotional control.
Your greatest difference,
Is the actual presence of affection.
I cherish every moment,
Of attention you provide.

It's been a long time,
I still can't look you in the eyes,
Or raise my head much further from your beard.
When you appear,
A hummingbird possesses my heart,
Pressing fingers to my throat,
I feel the supercharged beating.
Otherwise dispassionate,
In front of you,
My composure disappears.
I feel like I'll never recover,
Love, this addictive monster,
A greedy, swirling brand, ignited upon my fingertips.
Filling my body with a humiliated scream,
I disintegrate into inky tears.

The switch to my mind is always on,
Populated by billowing pink clouds,
I poke and pop the shimmering balloons,
Watching the withered flakes float away.

Even in the dark,
These despicable rainbows are visible!
Like bits of glass,
Stuck deep in my flesh.

For every ****** shard removed,
Ten more regrow,
Reflecting beneath paper thin skin.
On its surface,
My blatant intentions carve themselves;
At least, if my hands tremble,
Can't the rest of me find a way to hide?

What a beautiful man,
What a pretty woman.
Their peace is uninterrupted.
Trifling distractions,
So temporary and insignificant,
Nothing changes to them.
But it's everything to me.

Why do I keep wasting my time?
There shouldn't be anything on my mind.
But I still foolishly wonder,
If it wasn't this way,
Would you think of me ever?

You make it so easy for me,
To keep falling deep.
Everything you do,
Is painfully professional.
Somehow,
Doing nothing,
Is just as poisonous to me.

Your voice,
Flowing and smooth,
This predatory growl,
Poisonous speech!

What do you mean?!
What is the intention-
I feel teased.
Is he oblivious?

I can feel it-
The steam rising through,
Puffing my red cheeks,
Crackling along my neck.
Its hard to breathe
Function-
Ing.
Impossibly.

Barely existing,
Even my shadow,
Can't help but cringe,
Extending its rotten claws,
To cover my panicked pupils.

How is such character,
Coverged in one
Addictive brain,
Alone?

It's disgustingly
Irresistible!
Really a forbidden fruit-
Pinching Eve's salivating mouth,
Foul lips can't touch sacred things.

Even if I pluck it,
I can't touch it.
Less of a dilemma than it could be-
Just a consistent view,
I'm obsessed with its sheen.
Succulent skin,
Can smell the sweet juices from afar.

I bite through my lips with sore teeth,
Acidic blood seals serpentine speech.
I've fallen to the trap of temptation.

You great FOOL!
Ah, the grating disappointment,
Truly, I'm not mad,
Just repulsed.

Repression,
Ostracize yourself-
My spirit of rationality!
The shrieks and wails,
Oh, hysterical moaning,
My mind is mourning.

With your pathetic anticipation,
Greedily, I refuse to sleep.
Heavy eyelids,
I pinch my throat to stay alive.

Nothing is coming,
Definitely,
Positively,
He is aware,
Agh, my useless desires!
These immoral pangs,
Fleeting?
Surely, I hope for it.
This crisis I build alone,
Enough to topple me from head to toe.
Mind is racing,
Galloping against the tide-
Dramatic enough to become addicted,
To the voice of one passion.

Dreary welling,
It's collecting like dust in my eyes.
Faint, I hazily step through the doorway,
Veiled and lonely,
Feeling the fog lift slightly as I stumble.

The lights are low and grey,
Everything I don't want to face,
Is staring at me straight-on,
Can't avoid this venomed gaze.

I'm stuck in the current past,
Flinging myself further from the path,
Evading a silent future.
I don't want to fade,
Not from this timeline carrying you-
Desperate, I'm clinging onto nothing,
Inhaling wispy non-existence.
Silk shards swish distantly,
Twining haughtily across a melancholy heart.

Spring rebirths all greenery-
The change in season only withers me.
I've enough of wallowing-
But, deeply rooted in carnivorous soil,
I won't ever see the sun.
The crumbly dirt swallows about my stems,
Dissolving every present bloom.

Devour, crunch,
I entertain demise,
The jaws of beneath,
Blood soaked and tear splashed,
My whole being,
Rend limb from limb.
He arrogantly lounged atop the scene,
Fluttering wings flicked aside to shield,
His countenance from any mess.

Blue orbs,
Sky and ocean reside,
Brimming with mirth,
Alight with scorn.
His wide grin,
And glistening teeth,
Reflected in pattering rain,
Magnified within the droplets.

Lowly in his eyes,
I buckle knee-first at his feet,
Witnessing Wrath's effervescent joy,
At me, his faithful dog,
Who obediently lapped up the remains.

Blurry in the mirror,
I reflect,
Poorly.
Swollen under-eyes,
Reddened skin,
A damp depression hanging about my hair.

Frozen face with eyes like running faucets-
I'm the living dead,
I'm stuck in one function.
With shaky legs,
Barely peering through eyes,
Crawling through the entrance to my room.

The floor accepts these desperate bows,
But nothing accepts my prayers-
Wishing for what exactly?
For us both to be happy,
When he is,
So should I be,
But in this manner,
I feel I've chased him away.

Sorry,
Have I ruined your last year?
Was it flooded with gloom instead of cheer?
Almost everything I love,
It gets destroyed like so-
I think, maybe I'm destined to be alone.

Drooping, sore eyelids,
I squint at the white-blue fluff in my arms.
Peering blurrily,
I knock against the morning hours.
Stuck in the pale grey of last night,
The sight of snow gathering tears.

I'm awake-
But it feels like dreaming.
This perpetual state of forced relaxed-alertness,
Dragging my focus to its knees.
Begging, please, please,
I just want to fall asleep.

Nothing can make me less anxious,
One fiery ball of pent up horror.
I'm lost in every fragmented memory,
The floors wiped the ceiling with me.
Can I sleep, think, function, walk.
Can I talk to you, normally?
I've tried so hard,
And then you smile once at me,
And fling a giant wrench in my plans.

A little uptick,
Curved in the corner of your mouth.
It's lightly hidden by your nurtured beard,
Hazelnut-brown and stringy-soft.
My heart thumps, beats again.
It's once, twice, a million times,
Outside the eye of the storm.
As you turn your back to me,
I stare dumbly.
All I can muster,
Is a trembling response,
Thrown entirely off by your gaze.

He called me (---)...
Now I really don't know what to do.
I squeal breathlessly into my hands,
Biting the flesh of my lips so hard they begin to drip,
With light, iron-tasting blood.
I anxiously lick away my nerves,
Feeling a burst of joy so uncontained
That my body writhes with it,
Rise up through my chest.

I can't stand to not be near,
I want to pry my way into his head,
Hear his private thoughts and replay them in my mind.
Obsessively, he's constantly present within me,
I can't get away so I start to cry,
These tears are those of Elation.

I'm a fool through and through,
But I don't regret this love,
Eternally grateful for his presence,
As I get to witness his perfection.
Unquenchable passion overrides,
But I can't face him with the will,
To pin him down,
Stare unabashedly into his eyes,
Caress his face and rustle his beard,
I don't want to push him further,
So it must wither,
As the morning arrives.