to say that my hope is restored;
that i now desire life and i believe
in my healing would be lies.

so i know i don't want to live like this

but the truth is,
i really don't want to die like this either.

01.09.20

i'll hold on
for one more day
then tomorrow, maybe,
i'll read this poem again

28.04.20

what is the ocean
without the moon to guide it
or the sky to cast it's blue?

but what is the world
without the ocean?

and what is your world
without you?

09.09.20

i cried
for what feels like
the millionth time

and all the voices
told me to end it
but i said no.

i wiped my tears
like i have been
for the past 5 years

then i sighed
as i looked back
at all my pain

then i thought to myself,
"this **** better be worth it."

29.04.20

out of pure desperation
i reached for the window
and opened it to beg the stars
for help. for rescue

then
i counted

the things i could see
until my faded vision cleared

the things i could hear
until the raging voices quieted

the things i could feel
until the endless shaking ceased

i lied there forever
with freshly dried tears on my face
still breathing heavy from the
pain i was drowning in

23.04.20

my pain hasn't changed
and i'm not sure
if it ever will.

but i have changed, rather
it changed me and
that is okay.

11.08.20

goodbye
screams suppressed
suffering silenced

goodbye
forsaken fires
eschewed ecstasy

hello
poetry

13.04.20