Your silence is hurting my ears.
Your expression breaks my heart.
Your indecision of where I stand is tearing me apart.
Your questions burn my brain.
Your statements smite my words.
You can see right through me...
That's not even the worst.
Your distance breaks my body.
Your disappointment makes me cry.
You're ashamed to just be near me...
I can see it in your eyes.
My weakness makes you angry.
My mistakes cause you pain.
My disregard for the love surrounding
is driving you insane.
My words speak out in circles.
My thoughts are out of line.
My irrational explosions
are cutting you inside.
My raging brain is affecting
My lack of knowing what to do.
My only glue to solid ground...
My only way is you.

Save him, she thought; She felt him slipping through the cracks.
You can be all his reasons without questions asked.
You can pull him together and make the rest the past.
Save him, he's slipping through the cracks.
Love him, he'll feel it when he's sane.
You can be the excuses and carry all the blame.
You can bear the burden that engulfs his raging brain.
Love him, and maybe he'll stay sane.

Save her, he thought; He felt her slipping through the night.
She loses self control and she forgets what's right.
You can hold her together and make her want to fight.
Save her, she's slipping through the night.
Love her, she'll feel it when she's awake.
You can be her safety when she can't be tamed.
You can mend the affliction her troubled mind has made.
Love her, and maybe she'll awake.

There is a gentle yellow light,
for all eternity that cried.
Walk upon the dew soaked grass,
along the light of the breathing sunset.
Anyone can string powerful words together and slap on a label called emotion.

You walk slowly with me, shoulder tight against the cold light.
A quiver of fate chills the empty air.
There is nothing left.

"I realized yesterday,"
You begin, sighing.
Walk quietly, heard by none.
"Even if you pick up the fallen petals,
they'll never bloom back into that beautiful flower."
Duck your head down, breathe in the frozen air.
That small death on your hands, is your time frozen still?

You turn sharply, walk back on that paved path.
Your back is always to me,
even now.
......
.....Don't follow.
Don't cry.
There is a memory..that echoes in my head like a half-forgotten song.
Once, we both had a dream of an eternal forever.
Where did that childish happiness go?
The cold air transforms your breath to warm, small clouds.

What does it mean to "grow up"?
Is it when you stop believing in fairytales?
Or is it when you accept the contract of reality?
Turn around, quietly.
Your back is still to me,
your face bowed, in defeat or weariness, I do not know.

Walking further, and further,
away.
Turn back.
Continue.
Smile sadly,
"Trusting that someone will always be there for you..."
Tilt your head up to the sky.
*only fools think that way.

he talks too much in the morning
not even over coffee
not even over my listening ears
barrage of questions
thundering past my consciousness
i simply do not hear.

my mind is else where.
in someone elses coffee
in anothers ears
banging of hearts
clasping hands parting like waves
i simply do not live there.

taking for granite the days
was it really just seven months
how did we let this happen
i stir my coffee
drawing pictures of memories in the foam
i simply stare at the wall.

oh, i hear him again
what do you think of this
when do you think you will
i look up and smile
hiding my face
i simply do not live here.

HE              SHE               WE

Seek shelter through the storm



EYES         CAN'T         SEE

Nature's wisdom as she forms



PARTS          BREAK          FREE

Amongst debrie of broken dreams



NEW       LIFE      BREATHES

Amidst decaying, dead treacheries



WHY          ASK          WHY

Layers pile one upon the last



RAIN       TEARS       DRY

Each new life fed by its past



A        STRANGENESS       TO

This rythm, this bittersweet song



PRIMITIVE        IS        TRUTH

We live and die yet always belong

I lost a poem today
I thought it profound
captured my confusion
Anchored feet to the ground..

This piece, she flew away
Didn't bother to wave
How I hurt that she left me
Yet her loss a gift gave..

So attached I am
To the stories I weave
Yet gripping so tightly
I can't allow grief to leave..

So you see, my dear poem
She so suddenly was gone
She did not say goodbye
Her gift?  To move on.

Ode to Sky

Ode to a person who was always smiling,

Even though they weren’t happy.



Ode to a person who I loved, who helped me through my nights,

Even though it was their last sun.



Ode to a smiling figure on the cliff, who laughed until their dying day.



Ode to a graceful hand that pulled me out,

That showed me who I was,

And who I was meant to be.



Ode to the memories that haven’t slipped away,

Still locked inside my heart,

With the face of an angel,

A shattered eye,

A broken mirror.



Ode to the happiness that was spread without a second thought,

Only for you to look down and say, “Oh, there’s no more.”



Ode to your gentle fingers,

Your sweet smile,

Awkwardly tying,

The red ribbon,

In my hair.



Ode to heart, that I couldn’t realize, until too late,

Was broken.



Ode to a house, in which lived a picture perfect family,

That was shattered, far too soon.



Ode to someone that I looked up and ran to,

A person who I strived to be like, a person who didn’t care for themselves,

A person…who hated their destiny and everything in it.



Ode to thoughts,

That allow me to keep going, even though there was no destination.

That never let me break down, because your memory didn’t let me.



Ode to a world,

Where perfection was considered a necessity,

A world…that destroyed you.

If you were born in another universe, would you have been happy?



Ode to a ocean,

That waxes and wanes, not caring  at all,

That you’re gone.



Ode to me,

Reaching to your hand, but only finding air,

To hold.



Ode to a bird,

Flying above, and me, lying there on the grass,

Wondering if you’re finally free.



Ode to a happy day,

When we were eating ice cream together,

Sweating and laughing in the sunshine.



Ode to this ode, that allows me to finally cry,

On paper.

One headphone in.
Hum and sing.
Tilt head back-breathe in air.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Breathe.
Change song-
Reach for bag.
Don’t shake.
Be strong.
Yeah, right.
Tears falling-flow-
Stop.
Wipe them away.
Freeze.
Door opens.
Stop crying, god ******!
“M_?”
Fingers tremble.
You’re pathetic.
“Need help?”
Shake head.
Yes.
“…Let me open the window for you.”
Blink.
Sit down.
Chair creaks.
“Must be boring being stuck in the hospital for so long.”
Force smile.
“I would be bored to death if it were me.”
Awkward laugh.
What the hell do you know?
“So..I brought some flowers.”
Shrug.
Thank you.
Look around.
“Wow..this room reminds me of-“
Stop talking.
“One day, you and me will-“
I don’t care anymore.
“Hey-“
LEAVE ME ALONE!
“You know, I had this dream last night-“
So did I.
“I dreamed-“
What would my eternity be?
“You and me together-“
Is that it?
Sigh.
Lean back in chair.
“You know, people said that pain made you stronger.”
Close eyes.
Don’t react.
“What do you think?”
No.
“Why?”
…Who the hell says that pain makes you stronger? Pain will **** you, consume you, spit you out until there’s nothing left but ashes. That’s just a piece of *******-
“Don’t look so sad.”
Scoff.
“There are people out there who really love you.”
Lies.
“…If you want to cry, go ahead and cry.”
Silence.
Silvery wetness at the eyes-
Why are you crying?
“It- it- I can’t stand that- that-“
Sniffle.
“You’re holding all your pain in-
you can’t-
can’t let it go at all....."
Gasp.
"That’s why-
If you don’t cry-
I’ll cry in your place.
I’ll cry for you!”
Soft smile.
Idiot. I’m crying too.
“I’ll cry-“
For you.
*But..don’t you think that a smile is a more beautiful expression?

"Who would you die for?"
Those words echoed across a sunny sky.
You stutter and fidget-
for a while.
Break the silence-
I smiled a fake grin and laugh.
"Just kidding!" Your expression turns pathetically relieved.
I love you too much to make you choose.
Do you know, though, that I,
would die for you?

My thoughts turn to a wrinkled, yellow poem.
"If only, if only, the woodpecker sighed-"
The world does not spin righted as before, does it?

What if everyone could be reborn again?
Would they chose the same fate?
Would they choose the same people who made them laugh-
so happily-
before?
A world filled with only happiness-
that is a fool's dream.

You once held my hand and said, "I'll stay until you find happiness."
But didn't you know?
The first time I felt true happiness was the moment I met you.
I swore to lock that memory in my chest,
selefishly binding you here.

How many times have I sinned?
When did I first ***** my hands with soot?

The beautiful mask I so carefully carved-
Has been so easily cracked by your gentle fingers.

No matter how much you want something for the future,
things set in stone will never change.

The pure vows we took-
has been ripped like spider silk by my hands alone.

The pure vows we stained-
are just more strings for me to puppeteer.

Those pure black vows have flown away in the infinte,
never
to
come
back.

O Intelligences moving the third heaven,
the reasons heed that from my heart come forth,
so new, it seems, that no one else should know.
The heaven set in motion by your worth,
beings in gentleness created even,
keeps my existence in its present woe,
so that to speak of what I feel and know
means to converse most worthily with you:
I beg you, then, to listen to me well.
Of something in me new I now will tell—
how grief and sadness this my soul subdue,
and how a contradiction from afar
speaks through the rays descending from your star.

A thought of loveliness seems now to be
life to my ailing heart: it used to fly
oft to the very presence of your Sire;
and there a glorious Lady sitting high
it also saw, who spoke so pleasingly,
my soul would say “Up there dwells my desire.”
Now one appears, which I in dread admire
a mighty lord that makes it flee away,
so mighty, terror from my heart outflows.
To me he brings a lady very close,
and “Who salvation seeks,” I hear him say,
“let him but gaze into this lady’s eyes,
if he can suffer agony of sighs.”

Such is the contradiction, it can slay
the humble thought that is still telling me
of a fair angel up in heaven crowned.
My soul bemoans its present misery,
saying, “Unhappy me! How fast away
went he, in whom I had some solace found!”
And of my eyes it says, with mournful sound,
“When was it such a lady pierced their sight?
Why did they fail to see me in her guise?
I said, ‘Oh, surely, in this lady’s eyes
the one must dwell who kills my peers with fright.’
To no avail I warned them (Oh, my dread!),
but look at her they did, and I fell dead.”

“Oh, no, not dead, you are bewildered much,
O my poor soul, so pained and grieving so,”
replies a loving spirit, kind and sweet,
“For the fair woman, that you feel and know,
has changed your life so quickly and so much,
you now are trembling in your vile defeat.
Look how humility and mercy meet
in one so wise and gentle in her height:
so call her Lady, as by now you must.
And you will see, if steadfast is your trust,
such lofty miracles, such full delight,
you’ll say, ‘O Love, true lord, do as you please:
here is your humble handmaid on her knees.’”

My song, I do believe that those are few
who can unravel your most hidden sense,
so intricate and mighty is your wit.
Therefore, if by some fate or circumstance
you stray and venture among people who
seem not completely to have fathomed it,
oh, then, I pray, console yourself a bit,
and say, O lovely latest song, to them,
“Notice, at least, how beautiful I am!”