our entire existence means absolutely nothing
we are so perfectly trivial
there is nothing i can do in my short short life that is even going to make the slightest difference in the history of our world
and the history of our world means nothing in the universe
we know so much less than will ever have existed
i do not want to die
there is still so much more to learn
we will never know it all
the amount of information in all the human minds that have ever existed
will still amount to nothing
when the amount of things to know
is so large
i do not want to die

We hugged.
My heart leapt.
I wonder if she noticed?

Our love was so deep that it transcended the meaning of the word.
I needed a different phrase to make my feelings heard.
Our romance was never normal.
Our dance was never formal.
I loved you in a different way. In a manner words could not portray.
Why Couldn't you stay?
We could've lived out the rest of our days.
Together.

I trap myself inside my mind.
I try to make myself blind
to the bond we used to share.
I try not to care.
But I can't run away from the emotions or the oceans of despair.


So I lock myself inside my head trying to decipher the puzzle presented to me.
How can something so beautiful become so ugly?
How can something once so alive be so dead?
Will this agonizing sorrow stop running through my head?

I try to cope and I hope that this suffering will end.
But when I close my eyes I hear your voice and pretend
that you are still well.
And that's when my eyes swell
and the scared loneliness comes rushing back.

How can I carry on with my life,
when your death is stuck in my mind like a knife?
You were taken too soon
like a lunch before noon.
I promise we'll meet again soon....
**I'll never get out of this world alive

I want a break.
Just a day spent in silence, away from the world.
No one, not even myself.
I wish I could just isolate my mind from my body for just a day.
No one I'm forced to interact with, no one to give a fake emotion to.
For just a **** day I want someone to care about me. To see past the walls I build to meet their needs, and see I'm unhappy too. We're all unhappy.
I'm sick of being a friend.
I want to play the victim for a change.
I don't give a **** about your problems, I have my own. But I take the time to make your problems mine to help you through.
Why can't I just be my own everything?
No one can care about me the way I do, or see when something is actually wrong. But how could they? I always seem so strong. Everyday is a different suicide note that I'm too cowardly to sign.
But lord knows I'm tired of hurting, stressing, settling.
Just tell me why my hurt matters the least when I work the hardest, give the most.
If this is what all of life is like, just drop me off here.
I'm dying in a self preservation society.
There's no one left to care about me, not even me.

In my world there is iron and concrete.
There are rusted pendulums and mute birds
There are time bombs and dictators.
There is faith and there is reason
subjectivity
objectivity
And there, out there, is reality,
But none of us can see it through the barbed wire and the
Iron and concrete.