I close my eyes;
I am so tired.
Mentally, physically,
And of course, emotionally.
I'm sitting here in this box,
Next to people that I kind of know,
That I am sort of acquainted with.
It feels so lonely, really,
But I don't tell anybody.
I just sit here, bored and empty,
Hoping one day it will change.

She zips up my mouth
She holds my arms down
She presses me firmly against the cold, hard ground
She takes over my life
She cuts my pride with a knife
And I have to smile when everyone says that she's 'nice.'

Our human experience
Comes complete with emotions,
Both painful and gratifying.
You cannot rob me of that,
Ever.

Somehow I lost my footing
And fell
Into a sea of envy,
Into a pool of misery.
I fell foolishly,
Deeper and deeper down
To the point where I
Didn't know,
Where I couldn't even love
Myself.

Burying all those burdens,
Saving all those dreams,
Sometimes it's much, much better,
More promising than it seems.

I can feel my smile
Falling fast into a frown
And there's nothing you or I can do
When I'm feeling down.

What kind of legacy can I leave
When you are constantly
Holding me back?

I do not write solely for expression.
I write to be known and heard.
I write to be felt and feared.
I pour truth out like water and ask you to take a sip.
There is no shame.

I just want out,
I just don't care.
How am I feeling?
I'm not even aware.
My eyes are empty,
Am I standing here?
Or am I just floating in the air?

We spent so long building foundations so strong.
Now it's like they were never there; they are forever gone.
Was it all just an illusion?
Was it all just a dream?
Whenever I hear from you, that's just how it seems.
I don't hear warmth in your tone or even familiarity.
I don't think you ever truly loved me.

I don't miss you.
I don't know why I think I do.
Because if you were here right now,
I don't even know how
I would live my life.
I can feel you creeping up again,
Trying to get back in,
Trying to tie up those pesky loose ends.
It ends here now before it ever begins.
I'm not going to let you hurt me again.

I am so quiet on the outside
So loud within
And maybe you can hear it,
If you really listen.

Can't explain it.
This strange, eerie feeling,
That I could be so much more,
But never will be.

Rotting flesh
Can be consumed
By the most possessed
It is a sickly sacrifice
At its best
And the devil is laughing
At all of us.

Everything just goes black.
A no breathing attack.
I tried for so long, imagine that.
Wherever I came from,
I'm now going back.

There is death now, inside of me,
Silence and tranquility.

Tonight the life inside of me speaks,
Screams, cries, and tells a story.

A story of abuse and neglect,
Loneliness and lack of friendship.
Rejection.
ANGER. RAGE.
Many questions, such as,
HOW COULD YOU? WHO AM I?
WHAT DO I DO NOW?

So many questions left unanswered.
So many feelings left unattended.
A child is left to wonder and to hurt.
The adults are left to regret.
The criminals are left alone.

Self-esteem is ruined.
Life turns to death.
Death turns to freedom.

Your electricity stretches from the heavens,
All the way down, down, deep into my core,
Penetrating all emptiness.
My heart stops and starts again.
A short-lived force of nature.

An anger so pure and deep
That it courses through you and rips open
Every sense of reality that you ever had
With insecurities so blatant and raw
That anyone can touch and feel the vulnerability inside
With cold, unfeeling hands
Molding the soft and warm mush within.

He moves on
To bigger, better things
And I am left here
In the same small world.

I write, yet I feel empty.
I paint, yet I feel empty.
I sing, yet I feel empty.
I kiss you, and I feel something.

All I want is the pain,
To feel a little less insane,
To see my emotions rain,
Raining red, raining bright,
It's raining all over me tonight.

They tell me,
'Just try it on, you don't have to wear it the next day.'
Oh isn't that so easy for you to say,
When you've cast all your morals away?

You can't shut me up, you can't get rid of me.
I will always be here, no matter what you do.
You can love or hate me, but I'll still be part of you.
You can try to drown me in alcohol or blood,
But I'll stay in my place, welcoming the flood.

Every time I write,
It's like the world makes sense again.
Everything is a chaotic blur
Until I can find the words
To describe it all.
The story I'm writing -
Well, it's practically writing itself.
Doesn't really need my help.
And when I sit down,
My fingers typing all by themselves,
I finally feel like I know what my life is about.

The chaos in my mind has been brewing
So quietly, so still.
It's driving me crazy; I would rather be ill.
I just want to feel, again and again.
I don't care if it hurts; I want the pain to seep in,
To every part of me so I know that I'm here,
So I can face that real reflection in the mirror.
I want to see those eyes shed at least one single tear;
I am so sick of that blank, empty stare.

Your thoughts are real
But if you feed them,
They become even more real.
They can decide how you feel
If you give them permission.

Can you love two people
At the same time
Or is it a violation
Of your mind?