This whole time
You were going through the same thing as I...
And god ******, why didn't I even try?
I could have done so much more, and it makes me cry.
Now I'm left asking myself, why, why, why?
Well, now I've seen the other side -
What happens when you follow your petty pride.

This gap between us makes no sense;
I want to tear apart my stupid shield of defense.
I want to put all of these foolish fears to rest.
I want to say, "**** the past, **** regrets."
I want to be part of people's world again, to re-connect.

Butterflies flit around in my stomach.
My blood boils, and I feel sick.
I've tried so hard to ignore it -
Dreams for the future,
Dreams that seem so impossible to attain.
Am I too lazy to try, or am I afraid?
Success scares me as much as failure.
So, I stay frozen waiting patiently for my fire
To melt my apathy and hopefully,
Breathe some of its life into me.

Look at me, aren't I so cool?
I can laugh at you, make you feel like a fool.
While you're looking up, I'm looking down.
I see you there, small on the ground.
At any moment I can make your heart turn around.
It's that sliver of kindness within me that you found.
It keeps you from leaving, thirsting for more.
It keeps you from walking out of that door.
I can shut my emotions off at any time.
I can make you forget, I can make you blind.
I will lie to your face with absolutely no expression.
I don't care if I leave you with a false impression.
I do this all to protect myself.
How am I supposed to know what you're all about?
Guilty until proven innocent.
Can't trust anyone without knowing their true intent.

The way you kissed me,
The way we looked at each other.
I cannot put it out of my mind.
I try to be logical, I try to find
Any excuse not to feel; this can't be real.
There are too many wounds
Left to heal.
I thought I would do it on my own;
I thought I was alone.
You tell me I'm special,
That I'm someone you were lucky to find,
As you look right through me with your deep dark eyes.
I tell you you're one of the sweetest guys;
You laugh as if you're not surprised.
Trust me, these are not just pretty little lies.
I really like you, and it's hard to hide.

Cold, icy, mean.
The unforgiving queen.
Hurt by the past, she strikes back.
She ruins anyone in her path.

I am so out of luck.
Nightmares, burning up,
I'm drowning in this withdrawal.
I do not want to be someone else;
I do not want to need this help.
Pressure on my chest, bizarre thoughts.
It is a flood of pain,
When you have everything to lose
And nothing to gain.