coffeemantra: Favorites

Feb 2014 coffeemantra

Morgan

I know everyone writes,
"you make me happy"
in their
Valentine's day cards
but if I were to
make you one
it'd say,
"you taught me peace"
Because sadness is inevitable
some days but
peace is what told me
that crying on your cold,
wooden bedroom floor
at six in the morning
didn't mean I'd
never stand again

Feb 2014 coffeemantra

self induced asthma

Feb 2014 coffeemantra

Morgan

self induced asthma

the first night you wrapped your arms around my waist and kissed my forehead, i cried myself to sleep
and the first morning you called just to say "have a good day", i failed a math test
the first afternoon we spent lying in your bed, i screamed with the window down the whole way home
the first time we fought, i smoked a pack of cigarettes in my drive way with my hands shaking violently and my knees pulled up to my chest
and the first time we made up, i spent three days writing poems about the skin on your fingertips and the shadows under your eyes
"i didn't get home until pretty late, so i didn't want to wake you, but if you get this in the morning, i hope you have a good day at school... call me when you get home.. oh, and...
i love you, i love you, i love you.
okay"
i listened to that voice mail every day for the first week that we did not speak.
and re-read text messages for the first month and a half.
i still remember deleting it all. she held my hand and said, "you can't keep torturing yourself." i held my breath and said, "well there, i'm free."
but i felt the walls caving in on me.
and i couldn't understand why i needed the sound of your laugh more than the roof over my head.
and i couldn't understand how my skull fit into the bend of your elbow with more ease than my tempurpedic pillow.
"i'm sorry i haven't gotten in touch with you. i wasn't sure if it'd hurt you to hear from me... but i do miss you a lot and i hope everything is okay."
your name danced across the screen of my phone,
one time at 2:00 A.M. and i felt nauseous all of the following day.

my sister and i
swam in the hotel swimming pool
last weekend when we were away
and the smell of chlorine in my hair
made my stomach turn, because
it reminded me of the summer
we fell asleep on the floor of my living
room, with our bathing suits on
every night for three weeks straight

most days the sense of longing
is so strong that it knocks the wind
from my lungs
and i'm just afraid
that i'll never learn
to breathe easy again

Feb 2014 coffeemantra

red light

Feb 2014 coffeemantra

Morgan

red light

you sent my car
sailing straight
through a red light
with one hand up in the air...
you were mocking my sister's
new boyfriend
and looking at me;
my eyes were to the street
but i couldn't stop laughing
quickly enough to
muster a warning

that's kind of how
it felt
when you sailed
straight
into me
oh
so
recklessly;
i saw
the warning
signs
all blinking red
but took one look
into your eyes
and forgot
what they
had said

Feb 2014 coffeemantra

Used to be

Feb 2014 coffeemantra

Stefan Jensen

Used to be

This house used to be alive
Laughter, love, family, hope, blissful ignorance of what'd come to be.
But now it's just me.
Alone.
The silence of this house is a shadowed memory of the love of a home.

The pills got what they wanted, and took pops away. My cat was older than me, and just left us one day.

I miss being asked what I wanted for dinner. I miss football in the street, with dad, or him pulling out my splinters.

What about running home from the bus stop to grandma's donuts? Or watching the fireworks on our blankets, I miss this **** so much.

Isn't there someone who wants me to feel alright?
Can't God just help me sleep all night?
Cant we just have one more snowball fight?
Couldn't dad watch me enlist? And teach me how to low crawl right?

Cause if I go to Afghanistan, I'd want him to see, everything I became, and send me letters overseas, saying how proud he is, and how much he loves me. And cry and hug me in the airport when he sees me in greens.

Cause that year would've felt like forever. But now it's been eight, and I know that we'll never.

Jan 2014 coffeemantra

unsaid

Jan 2014 coffeemantra

Morgan

unsaid

you asked me what i was hiding
as i stood in your door way
naked
with my arms
wrapped around my ribs;

i smiled lightly and
dropped them to my sides

i know you thought

i was insecure
but i never told you
that i was just

trying
to feel my stomach
turning
or my heart racing,

warmth from my limbs

or a shortness of breath
from the tightening
of them-

any reassurance
that i hadn't
gone

completely

numb,

because that look in
your eyes
used to make

my palms
sweat
and my spine
straighten

but
lately
all i feel
is
this
eerie
exhaustion

Jan 2014 coffeemantra

What He Believes Me to Be

Jan 2014 coffeemantra

Jordan Frances

What He Believes Me to Be

You have these wrong judgements about me
And the haughty expectations.
I bet if someone asked a question:
"Do you know your daughter?"
You would say
"Yes."

After all,
You have lived in the same house with her
For sixteen and a half years.
But you can only begin to imagine
The life that I lead.

You know I am liberal,
But my feminist views would shock and disgrace you.
Get your conservative head out of your ***, please.
And realize that I care about people
Not politics.

You know I was molested when I was young.
You do not know that a friend has since
Abused my body in unmentionable and uninvited ways.
But I cannot tell you this.
I do not want you to reinforce the idea
That I am overreacting.

You think I am selfish and that all I do
Is pick fights.
I'm actually terrified of rejection
And have minimal self-esteem.

You think that I enjoy going to church
But truthfully, I do not agree with their theology or interpretations
Of most things.

Plus, most Christians are hypocrites.
It is so easy to point the finger
Without actually spending a day in someone else's life.
Oh did I forget to mention
I'm bisexual, I drink, and I have *** before marriage
I'm not exactly up to their standards
Or yours.

This just scratches the surface
Of the reasons why you don't know your daughter at all.

Jan 2014 coffeemantra

Insomnia

Jan 2014 coffeemantra

Jessie

Insomnia

My head is hazy with darkened daisies;
There's demons in my room

To myself I lied about all that's inside;
Everything happened too soon

I swear to god I saw faces that nod-
I heard voices in my head

They warned me of lies and trampled butterflies,
But their word to me is dead

The walls are all liquid and my bed is infested-
I do this to myself you know

Seeming to be quite close to becoming full on ghost;
You might as well let me go

Jan 2014 coffeemantra

Origami Warriors

Jan 2014 coffeemantra

babydulle

Origami Warriors

He told me he stopped smoking.
Threw away the packs of Mayfair
into the river next to his house.
The river where we once spent the evening
talking about why stars align the way they do,
As if they know what they are doing.
Neither of us knows what we are doing.

We are tea stained maps,
And fragile lungs,
And he is bruised fingertips from writing ‘I don’t love you. I’m sorry.’
I am shallow breaths in early winter.
Waking up at five to five to wait for the sun to rise.

He is made of sugar cubes
And campfires;
Glowing in the dead of the night
As if they have a right
To be the main attraction.
We are 3am scribbles in notebooks

And origami warriors.
You folded me so easily
With your piano playing fingers.
And when I wasn’t looking,
You made me into a boat and pushed me onto that same river.
Lit matches for a sail and finally, let me burn.