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Cece Feb 2012
What if all of those dreams you have,
aren't really dreams?
                                                  
                                                                    What if they're memories?
                                                                    Or maybe they're predictions of what has yet to come.
                
                             You never know.
Woke up at four in the morning. Can't sleep.
Cece Feb 2012
Fitting, isn't always what is craved.

I know you're right
and it all makes sense.
         I drink in your personality
and douse it with a splash of mine.
         They mix together perfectly.
Making a sweet concoction
like a glass of fine wine.

But there will always
be a part of me
dying for something
to clash.
Danger intrigues me,
and pulls me in.
           We don't slosh together
as expected;
           I am excited by the disturbance
of ingredients.
           My heart races thinking
of this harsh, breathtaking drink.
                         *****, if you will.

The wine is so convenient
and less risky.
The proper choice, and we all know it.
                          (I need this. But how do I know if it's worth it?)

This doesn't stop the craving inside me,
desperate -- for a hard drink.
                          *(Constantly in the back of my mind. Gravitating me back to my old ways.)
In the midst of commitment issues.
Cece Jan 2012
I'm sorry I can't tell you stories,
and play with you on your swing set.
I'm not going to be there
to braid your hair
and boss you around.
                       You would never know.

You won't remember
that time I held you
while you napped.
                       I changed your diaper once,
                       but you won't remember that either.

It scares me
that you might not know
I exist.
                      If you never saw me again,
                      you would never know
I love you.
And I'm here.
Cece Jan 2012
How you decide to express your so called
care, and friendship
actually matters, believe it or not.
Actions speak far louder than words,
but at this point
I would settle for a single,
humane conversation with you.

I don't even know you anymore.
I feel like we're friends
solely for convenience.

I know you feel it too.
Cece Jan 2012
.                            "Ew, he's so gross! Look at his nasty hair."
Sometimes
I just like to listen.
I like to sit here and observe silently
while you carry on
and babble about how popular
you think you are.

                             "I think I'm breaking up with him tonight. He needs me. I'm too good for him though."

I am the dust particles in the air.
You know I'm here,
but I go unnoticed.
You think I'm not phased
by your rude statements of others.
And your condescending laughter.
                            
                             "No, you can call ME later tonight. I'm just too busy to take time to call you."

But what you don't know
is that I see the other side
of your cocky personality.
You think nobody sees you,
but I've noticed.

I've noticed the way you start to panic
when your friends leave the room.
Your eyes bounce around searching
for someone to cling on to.
You are nothing without them.
      You have no one left to try and impress.
Cece Jan 2012
Some days
I feel so optimistic
and happy.
Excitement and adoration is bursting
out of my heart
for my friends
for my life,
for everything.

But other days,
like today;
I feel disgusted.
My mouth contorts into a snarl
at the slightest annoyance around me.

                      You're not good enough.
                       You'll never be good enough.


   These are the thoughts that poison my mind.
              I just want it all to stop.
                        Let me be happy.
I'm a crabby patty today. For no apparent reason. Perhaps for the sole fact that it's a monday :|
Cece Jan 2012
.                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                              Inhale
Your eyelids heavily weigh down.
A warm, calming sensation
is passed throughout your entire body.
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                   Exhale
Feel the gravitational pull
on your limbs.
Focus on sensory details;
the scratchiness of the tag on your shirt,
your matted hair.
Feel your toes naturally resting
against one another,
and the warmth of everything around you.
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                            Take a deep breath.
Look around you.
Do you notice yourself smiling?
Well, you should.

You should smile because
you are here.
You are alive and well.
and you are here.
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                    Keep breathing.
This is real.
You, are real.
And this? This is reality.
& If that isn't something to smile about -
then I don't know what is.
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                      

                                         ­                                                                 ­                                          You are so lucky to exist.
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