why am I here
no reason to continue
no reason to try

bugs we are
mummified in a rock
we sit forever preserved
we think this is all life has to offer
trapped for so long we have become bind to the world
we can't see
that the future
the past
and the present
are all at one
happening
we live
we die
and we are born
all at the same time
we love and
hate
in our hardened rock
of amber

one for my friend jakob and his grand mother
one for my own mother and her troubles
one for my brother and his failures
one for scott and his bald head
one for my aunt and her addiction
for my cousin and her children
for jesus
for the sinners
the poor
the rich
the beaten and hurt
the loved
the lovless
for victims
for survivors
i shed a tear
for you what ever your troubles may be
there is a tear for you

A love lost from my heart tears dehydrated
My chin loose from quivering as i weep into my blanket
with no love No hope and no reason to continue
I weep
as tears stream down i remember how life
Was so simple and easy as a child
With no worries other than ** wto please mommy
I miss the times when i did not know hate
Death hunger misery sorrow and love
I miss the times when tears didnt stream down

a lady is needed
someone who cares
not about my words but my feelings
a girl who is faithful
she will not lie or cheat
a girl that can play
rough or gentle
someone who accepts me
for my ugliness
and my prettiness
a girl that will understand
what I have done to become
the next bachelor

when she walked away
the tears could not be stopped
she would never return
my heart would be so lost
forever and a day
the depression in my heart
was enough to make
even the devil cry
a flaming tear exited his eye
for even he knew
there was no stronger a bond
than the love between her and I

i long to feel the ******* of love in my hands
to encompass the soul with my heart and show
what these hands what this mind is capable of doing
to allow the one of my dreams to join my soul and wonder off

Her body is like a temple and is apart of everything
like an acceint  goddess I yearn to conquer her'
Too merge two clumsy souls into but one lover
locked in together at the hips and engaged in the magic of touch

oh how i yearn to flow into her mystical being
to infiltrate her body and become her to know her mind
to learn her weakness and her strengths and make them my own
and to work together like a well oiled machine for eternity

The movment of hands clasped and exploring new worlds on hot skin
A kiss moves through all caverns of mystery melding to my will
A bond so scared that our every being is rejoicing in a comsic dance
Moaning our voices in estacy leaving no refrain nor surprise just now  

and we surge together with confidence and pride into this abyss
this unescabable curse we live in and our strived by
we live by this desire to please ourself with the touch of our forefingers
we want this delicacy that the rich and poor posess

The tension fuses into one fluid action no thought left in the world
only the abilty to do not to make dreams or false hope but to experience
feel touch taste and sound form a song so sweet its like a birds singing
Sizzling with  unwitting compassion  but burning inside true feeling

the last time i saw her
she was floating
from a lovers arms
into a strangers
a trail of her perfume
my broken heart
and countless tears
is all she left behind

i seriously think
that by adding some effort
you can become
someone worth reasoning with

im sitting here
on a computer
writing something trying to impress other people
but all im doing is wasting time
instead i could be working
could be finding a cure for cancer
but instead im wasting time
writing on a website
where my works
not even the decent ones will get published
wasting my time
and yours
and even more as you continue to read

your spirit leaves your body
nothing but a corpse behind you
and you do what ever happens next
while i sit here
and wonder why
why did you have to go
with out telling me so
a warning prior to
would have to allowed me to
start missing you
so i could get over it sooner
and with you gone
and me still here
what do i do
lost i will fumble around
until i too am in the ground
trying to adapt
without your words of advice
so before it happens
and i become stranded
tell me
what happens once you die

I dont know what to do or how to feel

I see nothing but torture
Nothing but the dark
Alone
I hear the sound of violence
It rapes my eardrum
Causing deafness
I feel my heart beat against my chest
My mind fills with thoughts
Of evil deeds
They want me to do
I refuse
I close my eyes often
But the pain of not seeing is
To much to handle

not when i have paper or pen
not in the light of day
surrounded by people
not by you
the light of my life
and my reason to live
this is not
when i think
in the dark
cold and alone
thoughts rush in
my mind invaded
people, places, things
i can't focus
when i think
it is an accident
but no matter what
the crazy ideas
of killing people
or talking the next day
when i think i forget
my mind goes blank
until i turn off the light
and try to sleep
thats when i think

when i try i fail
never will i become
a hero
forever a zero
my hopes crushed
my heart is dust
clumped inside me
when i try i fail
so i give up
until i try again

When will the time come
Where i will not have to worry
Or cry
Over the world
When will i be given the chance
To quit hiding my self
And run
Into the widespread arms of confidence
Embraced by the warmth of love and compassion where weeping is no longer a feeling
When will the time come
Where love is powerful
And hate is unknown

When you criticize its likely to come back and attack

Why do we have to feel such loneliness and despair

writing, working, weeping
thinking, trying, teasing
the women that flow to me
when i cant take them
my friends and family suffering
world hunger
hate
disease
why cant i stop
the madness
why cant i stop
thinking of her

no one cares
no one supports me
they say I can't do anything
never will I be succesful
my ideas my words my wishes and dreams
crushed by enemys
no friends that support me
no family that cares
this is why I pursue
why I am still here
to prove them wrong to show
I will be someone
putting smiles on faces is a way to get credit
gaining there trust is different
a weird guy without a life is all they see
but worthless
is not me
a champion will reign
if I only had help

yesterday i saw
love in a teenager
the passion that strives inside all of us
the want and need for companionship
the shadows of misconception and deceit
be brightened by the heart of a lover

yesterday i saw
hatred in the eyes of love
fury and rage
swarmed in the soul
anger escaping the body
i saw love run from the soul and become anger
within seconds

today i saw
companionship
i saw comfort from  someone who does not love
saw emotions in the rock of a man

i saw things that make the heart beat
and mourn
i saw for the first time
i saw life
in all of its glory
and defeat

As you sit at dinner
Food before you
Others starve
Malnourished and weak
As you play
others Grieve
Smiles on your face
Are frowns on others
When you don't get your way
You freak out
Although others are used to the feeling of disappointment
And failure
So when life lets you down
Remember the people
Who die
In holes
Diseased and starving
Remember how good you have it
Remember that while you sit at home
In the air-condition
There are people in the street
Hot and sweaty
Dying for a taste of the life
That you have
Remember that while you
Are healthy
Others are sick
Their body's convulsing
Slowly dying
While you celebrate