Green
With it i imagine things
What to buy
What to do
But when it all comes down
It has no value
Its just a way for satan
To take your soul

i long to feel the ******* of love in my hands
to encompass the soul with my heart and show
what these hands what this mind is capable of doing
to allow the one of my dreams to join my soul and wonder off

Her body is like a temple and is apart of everything
like an acceint  goddess I yearn to conquer her'
Too merge two clumsy souls into but one lover
locked in together at the hips and engaged in the magic of touch

oh how i yearn to flow into her mystical being
to infiltrate her body and become her to know her mind
to learn her weakness and her strengths and make them my own
and to work together like a well oiled machine for eternity

The movment of hands clasped and exploring new worlds on hot skin
A kiss moves through all caverns of mystery melding to my will
A bond so scared that our every being is rejoicing in a comsic dance
Moaning our voices in estacy leaving no refrain nor surprise just now  

and we surge together with confidence and pride into this abyss
this unescabable curse we live in and our strived by
we live by this desire to please ourself with the touch of our forefingers
we want this delicacy that the rich and poor posess

The tension fuses into one fluid action no thought left in the world
only the abilty to do not to make dreams or false hope but to experience
feel touch taste and sound form a song so sweet its like a birds singing
Sizzling with  unwitting compassion  but burning inside true feeling

i am back stronger than ever
i have learned and felt
inspiration flows through me freely
never again shall i suffer from defeat
but shall i achieve sucess in my goals
my thoughts will be different than what most are used to examing
my grammar will be off
my words thrown together
for i have learned
that you can not write poetry
but you must feel it
feel it in bursts of emotions and allow it to take you
to another world where there is no moreworries or troubles
only love
a world of words
that you create

it seems that no matter how hard i try
a perfect day can never be
i get bored
and i get lonely
so i go and take pictures
to make a scene that seems serene
is not like it seems
the lightings never right
so changes i do make
and i come to find
that even the best
can not make the
fake world perfect with ease

Why do we have to feel such loneliness and despair

When will the time come
Where i will not have to worry
Or cry
Over the world
When will i be given the chance
To quit hiding my self
And run
Into the widespread arms of confidence
Embraced by the warmth of love and compassion where weeping is no longer a feeling
When will the time come
Where love is powerful
And hate is unknown

A love lost from my heart tears dehydrated
My chin loose from quivering as i weep into my blanket
with no love No hope and no reason to continue
I weep
as tears stream down i remember how life
Was so simple and easy as a child
With no worries other than ** wto please mommy
I miss the times when i did not know hate
Death hunger misery sorrow and love
I miss the times when tears didnt stream down

I dont know what to do or how to feel

Love is but the **** of two minds, yet what is joy?
Joy is but the  slaughter of pain which is the reality
Life and death remain the duality but the contraction and the most real delusion all shall know
beyond logic is chaos but chaos is simply defused logic
Stare aimlessly into the nothing that is you and the nothing that is I
We are both the same person I am to you as you are to I
He is to she what she is to he
Our concepts are but smoke in the wind and signify nothing
Bloodshed is our purest form of expression a brutal honesty which is the only real part of our nature
but what is artifical?
The art of ignorance is the most difficult course to master taking generations to achieve
Intellect is the pillow that smothers you as a new born baby in your crib
All who want you hate you and all that Hate you love you with all the kindness in the world
Your weak and made to be destroyed but that is the greatest mercy all shall know
Decay further into nothing your true state and put behind the delusion of all that is knoweldge
You are nothing as am I
Nothing is everything even the flicker of a dying flame carried upon angels wings
A lucky bullet strikes the world at exactly midnight and all that is will be no more but a lingering shadow in a universe that doesn't exist
Every second that passes until the fatal blow is an eternity in the eyes of us mortals
What is mankind but a collection of bactieria inside of an amphibians pupil

when she walked away
the tears could not be stopped
she would never return
my heart would be so lost
forever and a day
the depression in my heart
was enough to make
even the devil cry
a flaming tear exited his eye
for even he knew
there was no stronger a bond
than the love between her and I

im sitting here
on a computer
writing something trying to impress other people
but all im doing is wasting time
instead i could be working
could be finding a cure for cancer
but instead im wasting time
writing on a website
where my works
not even the decent ones will get published
wasting my time
and yours
and even more as you continue to read

one heart
all alone it beats
thump thump thump
against ribs it knocks
trying to break free
one heart
encompassed by flesh
bones and blood
repeating its cycle
continously
one heart
all alone in darkness
its defenders have groups
lungs coupled
ribs
theres alot
one heart
forever alone
it sits and beats
giving life
to those it envies
one heart
it awakens
after never sleeping
and sheds
a ****** tear

the last time i saw her
she was floating
from a lovers arms
into a strangers
a trail of her perfume
my broken heart
and countless tears
is all she left behind

yesterday i saw
love in a teenager
the passion that strives inside all of us
the want and need for companionship
the shadows of misconception and deceit
be brightened by the heart of a lover

yesterday i saw
hatred in the eyes of love
fury and rage
swarmed in the soul
anger escaping the body
i saw love run from the soul and become anger
within seconds

today i saw
companionship
i saw comfort from  someone who does not love
saw emotions in the rock of a man

i saw things that make the heart beat
and mourn
i saw for the first time
i saw life
in all of its glory
and defeat

bugs we are
mummified in a rock
we sit forever preserved
we think this is all life has to offer
trapped for so long we have become bind to the world
we can't see
that the future
the past
and the present
are all at one
happening
we live
we die
and we are born
all at the same time
we love and
hate
in our hardened rock
of amber

opposites attract you know
positive and negative
from distances
near and far
i seem to find you
right next to me
you dont know it
but as our tension grows stronger
our magnetic hearts
grow stronger
and harder to seperate
all these girls that occupy me
are just fish in the sea
so as i spin
trying to find
what im attracted to
so look out
because im headed to you

your spirit leaves your body
nothing but a corpse behind you
and you do what ever happens next
while i sit here
and wonder why
why did you have to go
with out telling me so
a warning prior to
would have to allowed me to
start missing you
so i could get over it sooner
and with you gone
and me still here
what do i do
lost i will fumble around
until i too am in the ground
trying to adapt
without your words of advice
so before it happens
and i become stranded
tell me
what happens once you die

i see you over and over again
you ****** me with your touch
encomposing my heart
with your pathetic lies
tricking me into love

my mind swamped
my brain over filling with your words
your touch
electrifies my skin
and i forget
that i promised my heart
not to fall again
but a blindfold
eases the pain

time slowly ticks away
ever to fast
at the same time
i try to hurry
and let everyone know
before its to late
time is running short
no
go away
i have so many things to do
leave me alone
i dont want to go
i run
full speed ahead
it catches my heels
and then

i seriously think
that by adding some effort
you can become
someone worth reasoning with

picking a fruit from the table
a poor man feasts
the theivery
the adrenaline feed him
the fruit just a sweet taste
of the heaven he will now not get
the purity of the apple
and the sugary flow of its juices
the man bathes
his belly swelling
the sweet sinful act


While this poor man eats
alone
Another girl
she cries alone.
Lies alone in a bed of roses
Both were beautiful once,
The roses bloomed
And the sweet girl laughed.
But all days grow dark
And smiles do fade
Until this girl
and all of us
Do cry and
lie
alone.

tick tock
goes the clock
seconds to minutes
hours to days
months to years
in time we sit
awaiting what is to come
wasting time with the lady
who runs us all
she abuses us
by threatining to **** us
slowly and menacingly
she creeps up on us
when we least expect it
and moves ever so slow
when we want her to pass through
untill the end we await
with lady time

i walk on the unsteady floor
the sandy bottom slowly
moving beneath me
wildly i loose control
my feet slipping
i fall down
tearing up my body
the tears i push back
making the sea any wetter is not needed

as humans we have
two legs to carry us
if we break one we can still hop around

two eyes so we can see
even if we damage one

two lungs
and we can still breath if one deflates

two ears so we can hear
even if you become deaf in one

then why do we not have two hearts
for when someone breaks our heart

I see nothing but torture
Nothing but the dark
Alone
I hear the sound of violence
It rapes my eardrum
Causing deafness
I feel my heart beat against my chest
My mind fills with thoughts
Of evil deeds
They want me to do
I refuse
I close my eyes often
But the pain of not seeing is
To much to handle

have a good day
rise from bed early
as jesus did the grave
celebrate with love
work hard
at playing
happy easter to everyone!

as an addict i go all out. one thing alone does notplease me. so i became addicted to multiple things such as:

writing what i think so i dont go crazy

putting smiles on peoples faces even if i dont know them

having dreams of being rich and successful though it wont happen

believeing in fairy tales no matter how ridiculous

trying to be the best person i can be

caring for people that hate me

but these are only the things that make me high i also am addicted to downers as well:

looking love in the face for it to not recognize you

going out of your ay to impress others

thinking of love and making your heart cry

slamming your head against the wall to try and end the pain

so yes im an addict but who cares that doesnt change who i really am inside. so any thing that life throws at me a grab and become addicted to

They allow me to see your beauty
But they also allow me to see sin
Hatred and despair
Through these two things
In my head
I can watch as my friends die
As the world brings itself  into
Destruction
I can see love between my lashes
But when I sleep
The horrors of the day
Replay in my
Eyes

When you criticize its likely to come back and attack

I fall in the dirt
pushing the worms away  I rise
my opponent is scared
knowing my strength he runs
my love  chases the evil
devouring the strong and making them weak
I push them in the dirt

Walking around no matter where I go
Thoughts of you rummage through my brain
Stuck in there by some unknown glue
People cling to me
Asking for help
Knowing I will listen
As a stranger in a familiar world
I am still surprised
How quickly comments can stick
Like dirt on the body when wet
The mess made bigger when I try
To rub you off
And you become even more
Sticky

As you sit at dinner
Food before you
Others starve
Malnourished and weak
As you play
others Grieve
Smiles on your face
Are frowns on others
When you don't get your way
You freak out
Although others are used to the feeling of disappointment
And failure
So when life lets you down
Remember the people
Who die
In holes
Diseased and starving
Remember how good you have it
Remember that while you sit at home
In the air-condition
There are people in the street
Hot and sweaty
Dying for a taste of the life
That you have
Remember that while you
Are healthy
Others are sick
Their body's convulsing
Slowly dying
While you celebrate

if you don't say it we can be together always

one for my friend jakob and his grand mother
one for my own mother and her troubles
one for my brother and his failures
one for scott and his bald head
one for my aunt and her addiction
for my cousin and her children
for jesus
for the sinners
the poor
the rich
the beaten and hurt
the loved
the lovless
for victims
for survivors
i shed a tear
for you what ever your troubles may be
there is a tear for you

it is probably the easiest thing i have ever done

in the dark all alone
fingers weak trembling
to light a flame
so he can smoke
lips on paper
fire in his face
he inhales once more
drawing the fire closer
paper disappearing
muscles relaxing
the plant spreads
through his body
in his lungs
hardened from cigarettes
through his blood it creeps
quietly rapidly
with out a peep
the room hazy
distorted
he is relaxed
until the drug wears off
roll lick light
another cycle
repeated twice more
a sound breaks the silence
the door opens
in the gap a silohuette
short
daddy
it cries
the smoker turns away
as the door closes

the next day
with pockets empty he weeps
a child on his leg
no more
no more
a different life he needs
a person he wants
girlfriends, pets, kids
his wife
have all left

in his house alone
fingers weak trembling
to press the trigger
and an angel speaks
No
No
it cant be
what could god want with me
a loner an addict
a failure

his mother speaks
floating above him
no my son
you can be good
try
let it escape
and he tries and fails
repeating what he did before
gun in hand he cries
with his heart
his mind
his soul
his mothers face
the last thing he sees
despaired, she turns away
biting his tongue
fire in his face
he inhales the lead
and an angel cries

writing, working, weeping
thinking, trying, teasing
the women that flow to me
when i cant take them
my friends and family suffering
world hunger
hate
disease
why cant i stop
the madness
why cant i stop
thinking of her

as the light fills in
the dark empty spots
i finally realize
what love is
you
are love
i lift higher
my soul feeling like
the first time i met you
when my heart began to beat
when i felt like a kid
my life rushes before my eyes
stupid things i did

like letting you go                                                               ­                                Filipendulous
in precipices of nefarous claws.
There you were in my nebulous fogs.
With emerald eyes,
burnished in heaven
smiling,
 buttressing this heart.
Credulity
for love
is the conflagration
that consumes me now.
Could this be fools' love?
Is this true love?

I have a girlfriend
she is not you
though i often wish
this was not true
to kiss and hug
and be snug
i want to be
my heart wants to be
with a girl who cares
and does not play
with feellings of others
when asked a question
you quickly reply
not let me think
for over a week
i waited
before giving up


destanie
cant you see
that those guys use you
for your body
and that i am different
more of a man
because i am brave
now i know that i often
seem like a creep
but i cant sit here
and le tyou mourn and reep
your heart broken
yet again
by another liar
one who wants nothing
but a one night stand
but your blinded
a veil drawn over your eyes
the world confusing you
so that you cant see
that i wanted you
to be with me
we are both now eighteen
well in a few days
but you dont care
true love is not enough
to overcome
the stuggles
of winning your heart
maybe if i wanted something fake
then together we could be
but ugly and poor
just never goes
with the beautiful and rich
cody will never be
with Destanie

day after day
i rumble on
bags under eyes
getting bigger and bigger
i cant think
i cant sleep
my body deprived
of its comforting sleep
during the day i dream
about what its like
to rest my head
on a soft cool pillow
and dreasm of
sweet dreams
during countless
sleepless nights

when i try i fail
never will i become
a hero
forever a zero
my hopes crushed
my heart is dust
clumped inside me
when i try i fail
so i give up
until i try again

not when i have paper or pen
not in the light of day
surrounded by people
not by you
the light of my life
and my reason to live
this is not
when i think
in the dark
cold and alone
thoughts rush in
my mind invaded
people, places, things
i can't focus
when i think
it is an accident
but no matter what
the crazy ideas
of killing people
or talking the next day
when i think i forget
my mind goes blank
until i turn off the light
and try to sleep
thats when i think

the girl that inspires me
and loves me
for who i am

in class assigned work to do
distracted
i think of you
wishing i could once more
hold your hand
and be in the high heaven
that i once knew
in class i think of you

sitting here crying
nothing to do
no one around
to hear my screams
as my heart longs
for some good music
my hands wish
for something to hold
my body trembles
as i await
the end of this roaring
noise in my head
telling me to quit
what i have never started