My heart bleeds when I think of myself
ripping my colorful canvas
eating my rainbows and gradients
until there is nothing
but soul.
You see through that soul
as a window,
you don't see
me.

I'm still here
when you don't see me.
I am not glass for you to destroy
when your hands crave broken pieces,
I am art that cannot be forgotten.

He had the key.
He could stay with me forever if he pleased, unconscious in my bed and heaven in our crevices. I could still feel him inside me, in the moment when we joined and became the same. We are one now, but we were somewhere else then.
He lives a double life with me in my dreams, sleeping away the truth and indulging in ecstasy and lies. It'll never feel as real as his watered-down kisses, but it's close enough for me to forget what is right.
We'll try and shadow the pain of yesterday with
***, drugs, tears, noise
but it always seems to wake us from this bliss we want to belong in. Wherever I'm meant to be, in either heaven or the hell inside me,
burning or surrounded in light
I just know
I want him there with me.

All that is left of me is
organs and blood
brains and hatred for those who forgot me.
Looking for that piece of me I lost long ago, when I wronged and rebelled.
I crave wholeness in cigarettes and men, scars and sleep.
I just need
wholeness.
To be whole again. To rid of this hole in my heavens. To renew the youth in my lungs. To restore the glory in my eyes. To cry in lieu of joy, smiles, laughter and infinite hope.

The release of this relentless pain
will believe all sights of treason
as a positive force on one’s soul,
guilty promises lacking reason.
Restful thinking assures me that I will arise once again
perhaps my purpose is not to perform such gracious acts for men.
Yet if it is true, where is my end?
It’s nowhere to be found.
I’ve reached my death and now I’m wishing I hadn’t turned back around.
Entire blankets of black couldn’t shelter
light years of infinity,
and limitless love hovering above
could never cover mans self-pitying.

When you pledged allegiance to the pain, I was ready to heal you
steal your pride and let it flee with fright,
never forgetting the night you told me
you wanted to surrender to the world.
But like a lighter with sparks in its torch,
you will never
come back to life.
I watch my light flow through you and I know you feel
content
but you drain any drop of hope that remains in me,
let it filter through you like glass in your hands.
You could hold on to that glow
and rinse your wounds,
cleansing and blistering,
burning, burning, burning,
but you seem to fear the scars that will remain.

sounds cloud my mind
like silence was birth
and evil is spoken word
I befriend these echoes
there are too many to count
too much sky, empty space
for noise to bleed
little stains blot my eyes
until it is black. no more colors
sound is no longer youthful
sounds poison my mind
like silence is pure
and death is your word

I’d ask myself everyday where I would ever find it
after closing hundreds of open doors
everything told me that my repressed love
lied in whatever I could receive
if material could ever materialize in me
an emotion never before felt,
something one could only feel from music,
laughter, learning, gratitude for life
but I realized after being far from my love
after running time and time again,
hoping to find outside what rested within me,
that love is what I have always been
love is inside of me
it just requires time and space to ignite

You have opened so many doors.
Endless dimensions of care and compassion, love with hints of lust, a calm to the ache of all that is; the perfect combination of forever. That one whisper, those three thrusts of breath, a sentence worth listening.
I will never forget the night
you changed me.
You look different now. No selfish woes, no worrisome words. You have created an opening, a new awakening of our spontaneous beginnings
to our everlasting ends.

When the millions of midnight suns rise;
I know he is with me.
I look to my sides. Nothing
but I still feel a pull into the sky. I know he is with me.
When I see the hole in my chest deepen, darkening in the expansion
I feel my heart glisten. He is the shadow in the blackest of nights.
I dream of entering into the mirror of his iris again
living in the remembrance of amber nights and sweet air.

I rest in her existence
arms clutched to the mother of all dreams
the collector of past lives and what is to come

she doesn’t need love
because it is all she is
and all she will ever be

her belly full of promises and dead secrets
resting silently in the midst of wild light
where winter has no snowfall
and sunshine is the closest burnt star

aurora spilled across her lips
and light violet galaxies in her eyes

I am the magnetic field revolving her
so graceful in her rebellion against
gravity

You know I couldn’t have said it to your face
But I meant what I said in every dream I’ve ever had
The days spin and I’m lusting for more than my old hopes
I’m wasting this time asking for a blessing
when you’ve been my sanity for so long
I know I’ll never confess myself to you
So I’ll sit in my room and I’ll cry for you
With geometric eyes that have healed your deepest scars
That crushed me with passion for your pain
I close them when I want to be next to you
When will my pain hide her aged attention
and shed light on me
disappearing?

Imploding hearts and indecent dialogue;
this fire in my throat ignites the atmosphere above us
You’ll count the flaming streaks in a million billows
until they stain your sight,
your depressed iris left ablaze
scorching your memory of me
to mountains of ashes
You’ll soon awake, surrounded by light
in the sweltering confusion of you and I
the wild red exposed
shifting your mind into this moment
You said we couldn’t escape
if the sky ever enlightened and
set aflame
Yet I would rather dive into the inferno
than ever drown within you

He is the tide in my veins, the awe in my lungs
giving me life and never to be seen
his fingerprints press into my mind like ink on the canvas
that grip his lips, I’ll teach him my passion
I was the approaching loner with lover eyes
that leads an endless existence, we could be forever
I will rest my head on his shoulder in the heaven connecting us
and he will return to me when I revive from this renewal
Our sleep will come in the night, when the sun rises
his hum will nurture my song
his heart will embrace the whites and blacks
and I’ll lay entranced and release my rainbows
We’ll blossom together, we’ll never cry at the clicking of time
We are closing our eternity
We’ll live each day and love those in need
Waiting in this expanse, the fire to our reality
will mend our souls and soak our paths in
serenity

I’m blinded by this face that was my best friend
I hadn’t appreciated you for those years of
high times and drunken dress up
You are more than what we talked about at night
when we were confused and alone
and even after those moments passed
I’d close my eyes to be with you.
Dream of you,
unaware that it was love
But now I’m more alone than ever
And she has your heart.

The summer nights and spring time blossom
strangled my head and lost my soul
But you were with me through the gushing red
Who knew I’d feel this green for a girl that I called
my best friend…

We were one, my secret partner
The one I’d drop my soul into,
vulnerable to your bare eyes
Now you’re miles away and
I still cry

Your mind is the reason my sheets drip with regret
And the stains in my head smell of roses
And your face is in the photograph above me

I know she’s beautiful and I know she’s yours,
And I have mine and you’ll forget about me,
But I’d still reveal to you what you’ve been missing
Even after our years together
You’d see that you haven’t been yourself
And I am that open door to the real love
The kind of love you told me
you wished was real,
the kind you searched people for
the kind you felt when we laughed together
the kind you thought you could only find
deep, unconscious, dreaming
in your sleep,
I’ll hold it sacred
until you return

I feel
so alone in a room full of stars
a world apart from my own
it lies
naked in itself yet I am no longer
here. I want it's light to penetrate my life
and rinse my organs
skin to soul
but it won't filter past
my eyes.